Stuck - long vent

Hey ladies.. glad to see that so many of you are doing so well. I'm about two weeks short of my 6 month anniversary, and have been stuck at 74 pounds gone for about 4 weeks now. I started at 275 and have been toggling between 200 and 201 all this time. I know what the problem is... I've been non-compliant for quite some time now. I don't think I've gotten enough protein in from Day 1 (I couldn't eat/drink enough to get in the full goal in the beginning.. by the time I could I'd already stopped with the supplements). I don't think I drink enough water. I sip diet soda rather frequently while I eat. I find myself snacking when I get bored, and trying to rely on the size of my pouch to keep me from eating too much. I can't seem to take my vitamins regularly, and my hair won't stop falling out. I don't exercise. I go out with friends and drink alcohol. I find myself nauseus often from eating too much at one sitting. I eat carbs.. The problem is (aside from the fact that I KNOW what I'm doing wrong) is that I don't know how to force myself to change. I feel quite similarly to how I felt before I had the surgery.. helpless within bad habits. Except now I'm just a smaller person with bad habits. The first month or two, I HAD no appetite.. or I was able to ignore it. Now the constant head hunger is back. I'm sabotaging myself yet again. My moods are constantly fluctuating, but mostly down. My sex drive has all but disappeared. My doctor thinks I'm doing fine, according to my labs and weight losses, but I know I'm abusing this opportunity. I make excuses every day about why I haven't started exercising yet, or why I haven't been getting enough protein in. I don't like the drinks or the bars.. I don't like tuna or other fish, I don't like eggs, I don't have time to cook.. that kind of thing. All in all, it's making me crazy that I'm causing my own plateau. I was hoping that by posting many of my failures and bad habits, that maybe it would start making me accountable for them. I'm tired and cranky all the time and my scalp is showing through my thin hair. People are telling me how fabulous I look and it just drives it home that I could be so much farther along if I'd followed the rules. Last night, I went to Target to buy a portable MP3cd player so that I can walk outside of the building I work in. I had everything I wanted in my cart.. new sneakers (another excuse I've been using).. a zip up sweatshirt in case it's chilly.. and then realized that my debit card was at home on my kitchen table. So today I won't be walking.. AGAIN. Not at work, at least. How do I dig myself out of this huge hole I've mired myself in? Beat me up, slap me around, tell me I'm stupid for ruining my chance... Guilty and miserable in NJ, Jasmina

Aww Vicki, thanks for the words of encouragement. It seems that it's getting easier and easier to get down on myself, even with other things that AREN'T my fault. It's nice to know that other people care. And thank you for the food ideas.. lord knows I typically will take an easy snack over having to think about what I could be making! Again, thank you.. I really appreciate it!! -Jasmina

awww Jasmina, I don't have a bad word or a slap to give ya, I think I've used em all up on myself! I think its some glitch in our brains. We know what we are doing wrong but we are not able to fix it. It boils down to sheer determination. I've read to go back to the basics. Measure all your food. Eat your protein first before you eat your veggies. Get the bad carbs out of your house if you can't stop at one serving. Carbs are a neccesary part of living, your brain does not work without them. You just have to make healthy choices and eat only a serving, and yes, this means measuring it out. I've not done good in the exercise department. Something I have started and so far so good is assigning certain days as exercise days. I'm doing Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I do alot of running around on the weekend and on Tues and Thurs I try to be active. Window shopping at the mall for example. You are moving, thats what is important. I may not be doing the best but I am doing something. Someone posted this, and I wrote it out and taped it to my computer desk. I read it everyday. "I want to be the best I can be. I want to be really good to myself. I will eat sensibly. I will move." and "The secret of your success is found in your daily routine." I would love to be partners with you in this. If you are interested, we can encourage each other, remind each other to move. I even danced with my 5 year old yesterday for about 30 minutes! What an accomplishment for me! You tell me what you need, a menu? A daily email with encouraging words? A phone call to tell ya 'get up on the floor!'? You have support, all you have to do is ask. On a positive note, if your doc is happy with your results that is the main thing. The fact that your blood results are good is fantastic! And honey, you've lost enough weight to equal my big 5 year old (she weighs 67!)!! Plateaus suck. There is no easy way to put it. But you can and WILL get it going again. The window doesn't close for at least 18 months, we will succeed!! Get some protein going, I live on cheese sticks! I still cannot do meat very well and cannot drink a protein drink yet (although I am fixing to try 2 new things, I'll let you know how that goes). One last note, as I think I've used my alloted space The mood swings and sex drive thingy... are part of the process. Hormones are stored in our fat cells and as we lose this fat them hormones are bouncing off the walls. This can also be a sign of depression so don't let yourself get too down without checking in with your PCP ok? Remember Jasmina, take care of YOU first. please write and keep in touch, Barb

Barb, Wow, that was a lot of great advice! I know that those of us who were/are obese know the most about how to do the 'right' thing.. it's just a matter of forcing ourselves to override what our conscience is telling us we WANT to do. I'm still not sure what it is I need to get me going in the right direction.. maybe you're right, and changing one thing at a time will work. Before surgery, I would look at the last time I had lost weight (and weighed about what I do right now) and I asked myself why I didn't appreciate being that size. Well, now I AM that size again, and all I can focus on is 'why aren't I smaller by now?' I really wish that brain surgery was a part of RNY, because I certainly need it! I think your best advice was to 'take care of ME'.. that's the absolute hardest advice that anyone can follow. I'm going to start trying to do that on a daily basis, even if I have to put post-it's all over the place! -Jasmina

We started out at similar weights and had surgery near the same time. Mine was 5/23 and I weighed 273 and I've lost 73.5 lbs. I have been following the program and doing the exercise. So, the fact that you haven't makes me think that you would be doing so much better if you had. However, don't get discouraged. Today is a brand new day and you have to take it day by day. Yes you are sabotoging yourself. The first step is to recognize that and you have. The next step is to start changing your bad habits. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit so you just have to force yourself to do things the right way. I'm not a big protein supplement person either but I do make sure that I eat meat first and I nibble that. I make sure it's not over 3-4 oz. Then, and only then, do I eat anything else and ONLY if I'm truly hungry. Be sure you have 3 meals a day and limit your snack times to no more than 2. Throw everything out that you shouldn't have, chips, cookies, etc. Buy smart snacks like Soy Crisps, the 1-oz packages of cheese, the 2 oz pkgs. of nuts. Then start slow with the exercise but resolve to do it everyday. Even if it's only for 10 or 15 minutes to begin with. If you keep at it, it will become a habit. When you feel like snacking, think to yourself...Am I hungry or is this just head hunger? I know I've eaten so I shouldn't be hungry! It takes sheer determination to not eat but DO NOT SUCCUMB!. DRINK YOUR WATER AND TAKE THOSE VITAMINS! You do not want to have long-term health issues from something as easy as this. Only you can decide what to put in your mouth and how you move your body. I can't do it for you. You have gone thru alot with this surgery, don't waste it. NOW, YOU CAN DO IT, STARTING RIGHT NOW! (((HUGS)))

Jasmina, First of all you are beautiful! Seond of all, Great job on your honesty! At least you are not in denial. I have practices some or all of the same bad habits that you have. I just broke a 6 week plateau, and ya know how I did it? I got on the TRAIN. I truly went back to basics minus the exercise, that is something that I struggle with. I'm in jersey too...Somerville...not sure how far, but email me if you'd like to get together. Are there any support groups in your area? I don't want to write a book on the boards, and I could go on and on, but have you exhausted all of your protein options? I went without supplements for a month, before I found NECTAR, as soon as I found that I could tolerate junk from the vending machines, I went hog-crazy...I too go out with friends, and drink, but I try to make smart choices (well as smart as u can get where alcohol is concerned). Bacardi on the rocks, or with a splase of lime. Keep ur head up girl, u can do this! Aliya

Aliya, Hey girl! First off, thanks for the compliment. I still see the average fat chick in the mirror, but I guess over time that might change. I know that I need to get on the TRAIN.. I'm going grocery shopping today after work and I'm going to stock up on SMART choices. I looked Somerville up on Mapquest, and that's quite a ways up there. I'm down near Atlantic City.. but that would have been very cool if we could have gotten together for walks or something! I can't say that I've gone through every possible protein option, but money is very tight right now, and with the money I've already spent on supplements that are just NASTY (and yes, I've still used most of them anyway, gag and all..lol).. I just can't justify spending another $40 on something that most likely will be revolting. I'm going to try to get more protein from meats and such.. maybe that will do the trick. Vending machines.. oh let's not go there. Cheez Its are the devil. The person that created this food should be found and prosecuted to the highest extent of the law!!!! -Jasmina

hey! Got your reply...and I hope you are doing well today. You should do well focusing on getting your meats from protein and such. I wish you well...my grandparents are in Smithville...about 17 miles from AC, I'll be down there this weekend!

Hi there Linda, First off, congrats on your successes.. and sorry that it's taken me to reply to all of these posts! I needed some time away to clear my head and compose my thoughts. Today IS a new day.. and I have to get out of the old mindset that if I goof up, the day is lost. Or that I have to start new things on a Monday. Or any of that pre-op hogwash that's still in my head! I honestly don't want to end up with health problems down the road that are caused from my stubbornness now. I don't want to waste the tool I've been granted. In the past, I've said that if I just had the chance to do things over again, I wouldn't eat so much.. I would exercise.. I played a game in my head where if God gave me the body I wanted, it would be easier to keep it than to have to get TO it. Well, it HAS been work so far.. and it's going to be even more work to keep what I've earned so far. Thanks for your words, and especially your hugs!!! -Jasmina

Jasmina, My surgeon said something at my initial consult that has stuck with me all the way through my journey. He said, "I'm giving you the right tool to accomplish your goals, how you decide to use it is up to you. You can follow the rules and use it correctly or you can take advantage of the quick weight loss in the begining, no matter how you follow the rules, but then you'll be forced to make the decision on using it the right or the wrong way." I slip from time to time...I always drink with my meals. I snack from time to time during the day. I don't dump, so sugar is no problem for me, so I'll eat something I'm craving. But I always remember that I've been given the tool to fix what I made so very wrong in the first place. It's my little snap back to reality. My advice to you is to make a sign (Or many signs as the case might be) that says something motivational, a photo or a quote or something theat once you look at it will focus you back in at following the rules. I made a checklist when I was first out of surgery that held all the "requirements" I needed to get in during the day...Water, vitamins, protein, etc...And I checked each thing off as I did it...After about a month it was second nature so I didn't need the checklist anymore. As for exercise, I'm just as guilty as you are...I keep saying I'm going to go to the gym or go work out and I always find a reason not to...I'm trying to find a workout buddy so that I have someone depending on me to get to the gym and that'll help motivate me...We'll see how that goes... You just need to re-prioritize things. You don't need to be beat up or slapped or belittled...You just need to open your eyes and see that you've had this door opened to a whole new lift and that you can buckle down and get back into the swing of things...It'll be hard at first, like anything is, but once you get into a routine, you won't even need to think about it anymore, it'll be natural. You know that you always have the support of your fellow Maysters and if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to email any of us...Myself included. We won't have all the answers, but I know we'll all try our damndest to help you through whatever you need!!!! ~*Big Hugs*~ Becky