Evening, Quiet Mayster!

Just so you know, this is the very first board I check these days above and beyond all others so don't get too quiet on me, ya hear?! I just got home from work. Worked late and I'm physically, mentally and emotionally drained. The pain in my side and related depression is kicking my arse. I really haven't been performing well at work and I hate that. Especially when we have so much to do. My side pain is distracting me. My mind is all over the place. 7 weeks of pain is enough. Argh! But I survived worse pain for longer with my back issues late last year and into early 2005. Anyway, I'm sitting here eating cold chicken stir fry with my fingers. I couldn't bring myself to cook anything. Hubby works 1 to 9 so isn't home for dinner on weeknights. Well, off to climb in a hole... Kathy

Sorry you are hurting and a bit low. Pain has a way to drain the umph right out of us. A question I have been pondering and wonder if you struggle with also is this: When we were morbidly obese (hate that label even now) although we were hugely visable ...because of the excess weight we were often treated as invisable. Since we are losing great amounts of weight we are becoming VISABLE and noticed and suddenly we are no longer "hidden". The walls of fat were a sort of protection and now that they are coming down I wonder if the fear of not having those walls and therefore not having that insulation creates anxiety and produces a form of depression. There is conflict because we are so happy to lose the weight and feel and look better...but what do we do now about the wall or lack of the wall. Most of us are admitting to some depression and these have been some things I have been thinking about that may be contributing to the blues. Any thoughts on the subject??? Mary

Mary, I have lots o' thoughts on that exact topic. I'll turn around and ask the question...where we really invisible to others or did we make ourselves invisible? I've hear alot of folks being resentful over the attention that they get now from people in general and yes some from the opposite sex. While I know that there is indeed obesity predjudice, I think that some of the lack of attention we get while obese is self-induced. I say that from person experience and observation. Think about it. When you don't feel good about yourself or don't physically feel good, do you seek eye contact from others that you meet? Do you smile at strangers on the street? Are you friendly and personable as you go through your day? When you stare down at the street or the carpet as you go along, people are probably not going to notice you. As for depression post-op, I think it comes from many sources: 1. Physiological - our bodies are under stress losing weight rapidly. Hey, thats why there is hair loss! Stress. Estrogen is given off from fat cells reeking havoc with our hormone levels. Plus goodness knows what other chemical levels are effected and cause blueness. 2. Reality sets it. People realize that as they lose weight, all their problems didn't go away. They may still be working at a crappy job or in a crappy marriage. All sorts of problems exist - insecurities, traumas, mental conditions, etc are not solved by "simply" losing weight. Yes, the fat that protected us from having to go places and do things and interact with people is gone. It does cause anxiety for some. We cannot hide behind it anymore. All the excuses that we've made over the years for why we couldn't do things...just don't hold water any more. Kathy

Kathy, I will say this, the heavier I became, the more I was disappointed in myself for not being able to lose the weight or prevent myself from gaining so easily. (Shame) I am an eye contact kinda gal so I always look people in the eyes. I do think the way I felt about my own failure made me percieve others dissappointment in me as well. Whether it was really their feeling or imagined in my own noggin. Probably some of both. You are right about all the physiological issues too. Yes the rapid change and surgery trauma takes it's toll. And my hair loss too can attest for the shock this whole process is to the system. Now I can 'get' how sad my hubby was when his hair fell out. Yep you are right about the reality that the surgery doesn't cure all our problems. I am enjoying so many things now. My water aerobics class is very hard work but I love it and enjoy the fellowship with all the ladies and occasional guy that take it with me. I do feel way more confident and much less ashamed of my body {in my swim suit for sure.} I love to walk and with so much less pain. ( only occasional). I feel more alive and glad to BE. Like the motto from the park service near here " Life, be in it!" I guess I am really enjoying {being in it. } I am processing all the many various feelings daily. Sometimes when I find myself snacking and realize I'm sabatoging...I stop and ask myself why? Honestly I must say I don't always stop { the snacking } but the questions haunt me and at least open the way for the answers to come forth. It is a JOURNEY isn't it ? But one I am so very grateful to be on. Thanks for the discussion, Mary

I'm feeling kind o flow myself,and dont feel like talking much, but I wanted to pop in and let you guys know I'm following the discussion, and whew it is an eye opener. Thanks, I luv you guys!