A sad Mayster here

Hey y'all, I feel guilty writing this but I have to get it off my chest. I feel like crap. I had about 2 bites of some potatoes and carrots from a beef roast I cooked and ended up puking for 4 hours last night. I dozed off and puked some in my sleep and I think I inhaled some cuz I was coughing for 30 minutes and today my lungs are sore. So is my rib cage, from all the heaving. I am all depressed today and just feel like boohooing. I also can see my ribs and feel the zyphoid process at the end of my chest bones and its totally grossing me out. And my knee bones hurt when I lay on my side from bumping each other. And my back hurts from holding up all this front sagging skin I think. I am down to 235 from 322 4 1/2 months ago. I'm off all BP meds and diabetic meds, why the hell aren't I happy? I can't eat very well and am only getting in around 500 calories a day. I take vitamins and try to get all my protein in and I'm trying hard to stick to an excersize plan. I haven't updated my picture yet cuz I think I look gross. My skin color is sallow and I have not much energy. I'm reading where everyone feels great and has more energy than ever. Begining of the month all my blood work was good, protein level good and not dehydrated. I am sooooo not happy with the surgery yet. I know I sound like I'm depressed but I just don't feel good, ya know what I mean? Thanks for listening to this bummer message... just wish I felt good.

Hey Barb, do you realize you have lost 87 pounds!!! That is sooo wonderful. I am sorry though that you are not feeling better. I just had a couple of bouts with throwing up if you read my last couple of post. Alot of times, I know deep down when I ate something I shouldn't have or I ate it to fast without chewing well. But all I can do for myself is try better next time. I do feel great most the time but there are days when I feel drained (and thats usually because I have skipped my vitamins, calcium...etc.) for a few days. But, Like I said, I just get myself back up and try better tomorrow. I have also lost 87 pounds and have been at a plateau for a few days..but thats okay, I still feel better now than before surgery, and I will feel even better a month from now. I will pray that God will give you more strength and help make you a lot happier!! Until then, big ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))!!!

Barb - I'm thinking that this is part of being 5 months out!!! I'm going through the same stuff. I can't believe that your knees hurt - MINE DO TOO, and I thought I was the only one. I too am STILL having a hard time eating. (although I can eat potatoes from stew with no problem) I do struggle with no weight loss cuz i don't eat enough!!! Now that summer is over, my husband told me the other day that I need to go to the tanning booth, cuz I look sickly pale now!! Geee thanks, I've lost 93 lbs and I look sickly now. So don't feel alone, we're in the same boat!!!!! Laurie

Hey Barb, i am sorry that you are feeling low...hopefully you'll be doing better soon. hang in there!

I think this is something that quite a few of us are going through right now. I've talked to people in my support group and they all said that around the 5-7 month mark, they all hit the depression. I know I've felt it big time the last week or so. After my bout in the ER a few weeks ago, I've just not felt right since then. I've been feeling withdrawn, sad, "Why the hell did I do this to myself?", and just 'off'. I just hit the 100 pound loss yesterday (from my consult 4/1) and you'd think I'd be bouncing off the walls! I was just like "Hmm...that's cool." No biggie. I believe part of it is that I went to the gym last Friday and yesterday and that's the first time I've been in 3 weeks. I also am not eating a whole lot. I think I got like 700-800 calories yesterday and I ate more yesterday than I have for quite a few days. I've been tired, feeling listless, very dizzy, getting headaches and lightheaded, and, like you, all of my lab work is fine. I've just been pushing fluids and getting in my 70 grams/protein from my 2 protein drinks a day (which gives me about 400 calories) and other than that - I just don't really feel like eating. Like I said - I think it's par for the course right now. We can get through this and we'll be all the happier for it in a few weeks I think. Michelle

Hey Barb- I'm sorry you don't feel good. I think a lot of us are going through a similar "blue period" right now. I can't get with the program myself! I just feel lazy and unmotivated right now. Hang in there, and come here and vent whenever you need to- we understand!

Barb, Barb, Barb... Sorry you are feeling so bad. Getting sick is never a good thing. And feeling like you don't eat alot and then worrying if you what you are going to eat is going to make you ill - is a bit of a drag. As for your zyphoid process (so cool to know that has a name), chest bones, ribs, etc.... I dunno about you but I've been overweight so long that I didn't know those damn things were there - let alone being able to see them. It is somewhat exciting yet a bit unnerving to have things show like that. I had a back and forth with someone on the main board once who didn't believe the old zyphoid process was part of the sternum. They swore up and down it was cancer or something very wrong. Wouldn't believe me. While I do have more energy (which is now zapped after my GB surgery last week)...I look in the mirror and I see the big changes and it is freaky. My skin seems thin. I see my mother's hands - not mine - older and veiny. I've just discovered protruding veins on the back of my forearms. Then there is the sagging of the inner thigh. The waddle under my chin. The total and utter dryness of my skin especially on my face. There is my overly thinned hair which is brittle, coarse and dry beyond belief right now. As for your back pain...could be the weight of extra skin or it would be having the balance of your body off. Losing as much weight as you have changes your center of gravity and it changes the delicate balance of the musculature and bones. Going to a chiro isn't a bad idea to keep things in balance. If you can only get in 500 cals a day...how many protein supplements are you taking? Perhaps you can add an additional one. I did that a couple of months back. Was concerned that my intake was low and I wanted to get exercise and just couldn't see doing any reasonable workout with as little fuel as I was doing. I do 3 shakes a day and 3 meals. Basically every 3-4 hours. Remember that many of the issues that you listed and I listed here... will resolve themselves. The shade of your skin will improve. The dryness should get better. Your body will adjust to how you are proportioned later. All sorts of things. Have tough lady! While on one hand we wanted these changes and wanted them quickly...they are overwhelming. Hugs, Kathy

Barb, I can only reiterate what everyone else has said. I'm sorry you feel so awful and I really agree that it's somewhat normal. Look back at the last week's worth of posts on here - almost all of us are going through something similar. Know that we're all here for you and are willing to listen anytime.