Food For Thought...........

This is a message that I sent in response to an email (one of many!) that I received after my previous post about just being sensitive to others that may not be sharing the huge successes. My post was by no means asking for any APOLOGIES from anyone for their successes....if you read this, maybe it will make a little more sense of where I was coming from. Certainly we all have struggled to be approved for this life changing event. Just food for thought........(pun????) **** I struggled after sending that post to the group because I thought to myself.......Who do you think you are? Why are they not allowed to celebrate? You (meaning me) are just a jealous, envious *****! And honestly, I am. I am so jealous I cannot see straight. I find it so hard to go online anymore to the Obesity Help site at all! I used to spend hours looking at before/after pics.....dreaming of what I would look like. Now, it just causes me angst and pain and worry. Then I thought about my post a little more......and that day I received 6 emails (including yours) from other people who are just like you and I! Some exercise, some dont. Some eat right, others dont. Some are rule followers, some arent. Then that put it all in perspective for me. I am who I am, I can choose to change myself emotionally AND physically, by way of the surgery. But after the surgery......plain and simple........my body is going to do what it wants to do. Does it help me emotionally? NO WAY! I want it gone and I want it gone (or at least half way gone.......NOW!) I want to wake up and be different. I want to feel better. I want to be bouncing off the walls with energy and laughter and comfort. I dont have any of that. I have ZERO energy, am still wearing the same clothes (well I bought a top that was a few sizes smaller), and since I cant eat for comfort anymore....I struggle. I say all of this so that you know I feel like it was meant to be that I posted that post for all the people that read but never say anything. For all of those that truly do struggle.......its seems like a very lonely path to be taking. This surgery has worked for hundreds of thousands of people and even though its easy to slip into the thought process that this will NOT work for me......the fact is....it will. In time. Patience is not one of my virtues, but I am learning. I am learning LOTS about me, other people close to me, society, my body and my true wants and desires. If nothing else, this surgery has opened my senses. Please feel free to keep in touch with me any time! You are not alone, although the loneliness can feel overwhelming. You will be successful, even in the slightest ways. I whisper a prayer each day when I start feeling low, for all of my "friends" out there that struggle as much if not more than me..... Know that you are thought of and loved. Carrie

Thank you I am so glad I'm not the only one battling the green-eyed monster. I really thought I was just a horrible person because I would feel so jealous of other people. I am getting to a point where I don't need to compare myself to others but it is still very hard, You are right we are individuals and this tool will help us. Actually I know it already has but I know I will get to my goal I just need to be more patient. Oh for the clothes a girlfriend had to point out to me that all my clothes had elastic waistbands so even though I have lost weight I can still wear the same clothes. She convinced me to go buy one thing that was not elastic and guess what I am down from a tight 34 to a loose 30. Well once again thank you for speaking what has been on my mind and in my heart.

Carrie, I'm glad you posted this and I *do* understand where you're coming from, I truly do. Know that YOU are thought of and loved, as well.

Carrie, We all have days that we just want to quit and walk away. I have had about 17 weeks of them so far. We all did this for our own personal reasons and we have to keep those in mind. Am I jealous of the ones that have not had a single problem. Hell yes!!, But I also rejoice in their success because it means that I could get to that point. Right now I am having to do something I have never done well. Wait. Like you patience with myself is not a big virtue of mine. Taking time for me is another biggie. I feel guilty but in order to heal I have no choice. Keep in touch and know that one day this will be a distant memory, Hugs, Kat