To tell or not to tell that is the ?

Hello everyone- I only told my immediate family about my surgery bc I didn't want to deal w/what they would say to me about it. Now I'm 3 months out and was wanting to tell a few, but I know if I do everyone will know. I start college the 29th and don't wanna stress about them knowing or judging me or not supporting me, hey for all I know some may and others won't. I'm sure a few won't! Maybe more! Debating. Any views? I'd love to hear them!! ~April~ Lap RNY May 13, 2005 231 / 181.5 / 120

April~ This is such a personal choice. I can give you my experience... I had decided to only tell my immediate family and a few friends about my WLS. I stuck to this decision until right before my surgery, when I was so excited about being approved that I couldn't contain myself. I sounded like that guy in the commercial that goes around telling strangers, "hey...I lowered my cholesterol!" There are two people in my life (my grandmother, and a very dear old friend who lives in NY) that I knew would not and will not ever understand my decision. They have made their views very clear on this subject. So, I still haven't told them, and I probably won't. I don't need that kind of stress and hassle. However, overall, I'm very happy that I shared this information with my friends and co-workers. They are all very supportive. Even the skeptical people enjoy watching my progress, and I think I've even changed a few attitudes about WLS with my success so far. I'm a little afraid of failing because I feel like I'm under a microscope, but I just consider that to be added incentive to keep working hard. Good luck with whatever you decide. It will work out either way, I'm sure. Julie

April, I agree with the other comments you received. It's absolutely a personal choice. I told my family and the people *****port directly to me at work before I went out for surgery. I indirectly asked people not to share the information. As others have asked me how I'm losing weight, I've always been honest and told them. So far for me only one fairly negative response. I think after people see how successful you've been most will be supportive, but it's a tough decision I know. Good luck to you whatever you decide. You've done fantastic! Best wishes at college too! ~Wanda

Me, personally, I have not kept it from anyone. The person that I was most 'afraid' (for lack of a better word) of telling was my mother, although now I have no idea why. She (in a very close call with hubby) is my biggest supporter. I have always been one of those people that my life is my life. *I* am the one that has to live it. You can either be with me in my decisions or not - if you don't like them, I'm sorry, but I am the one that has to live with the benefits and/or consequences of it. Not you. Now, I'm not saying this in a mean or nasty way, but honestly very kind. I'm sorry if you can not accept what it is that I'm doing, but it is my decision. Pretty much anyone that I spend any time with or talk to for any length of time knows of my surgery. One of my friends was not supportive of it by any means, but she is aware that it was a decision that I went into with a great deal of thought, prayer, and understanding. She was of the impression that I took the 'easy way out' and 'people just don't understand that you have to exercise more and eat less'. That's fine - I tried - it didn't work. I will be honest, we've not talked a whole lot since I've had the surgery (she claims she's been working a lot) and I'm sorry for the apparent loss in friendship. We've been friends for 18 years, but this is my life - I have to live it, not her. Didn't mean to ramble - but that's my take on it. It is your life - not theirs. YOU are the one that has to live with it and you can do it with or without their support. Michelle

That is something I really debated about myself. Like yourself I am in nursing school, I thought most everyone would be overly critical of the decisions I had made. I had made the choice not to tell my fellow class mates about this because I felt it was a very personal decision and was like admitting in open I was a failure. That choice to share or not to share was taken out of my hands by my instructor. I had to get permission from the school to have the surgery because I was going to have it done last year over Christmas break. When going to nursing school you must meet criteria which means no lifting restrictions nor use of narcotic drugs for controlling pain. Both of which were going to happen after surgery. My instructor chose to talk to me about my choices during my clinical rotation while all the other students were present, so the cat was out of the bag. I found out my instructor had also had the surgery 2 years prior and was happy I had made the decision and gave me several helpful tips. The one I didn't like was that I was not going to be able to have the surgery in January and return to school. She said that she suggested that I have it done in May when we had Summer break. To bring a long story short, that entire semester my fellow classmates surprised me by being really supportive, because they also like myself had seen the benifits that this surgery can give people in the long run. So, I say are the students and classmates fellow nurses? They may be more sensitive to the field. I have no real answers only that of what occurred for me. --take care April Sabrina

Dear April, My opinion is that it's no one's business. If I had an ulcer repaired or a root canal, am I going to tell everyone?... No... I haven't even told my Mother. My immediate family and best friends know (only because it was major surgery and I was in the Hospital). Now, if someone asks be point blank "have you had WLS?" I won't lie, I'll tell them "Yes, it was the best thing I've done for myself and I wish I did it 15 years ago." If people comment on my weight loss in passing. I tell them the truth in that "I've changed my eating habits and I'm excercising". This is such a "personal choice". It's not something for which we need to feel shame. (catholic, can you tell?). It's not something we need to shout from the rooftops. It's just a tool. Hope this helps. Good luck in School. Kate Z