Starting to feel depressed!!!

This whole time, I have maintained a pretty positive attitude, and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to get healthy, but...I have just started thinking about how mad I am at the world that I had to have major surgery and practically starve myself just to fit their conception of normal! I am mad that I can't enjoy the same things as everyone else, that I didn't get to have birthday cake on my birthday, that people are going to start talking to me soon that never gave me the time of day when I was fat, etc etc etc What is wrong with me all of a sudden? Why am I so at the whole world?! I'm not usually like this. In fact, having this surgery wasn't even ABOUT all of this for me...it's about feeling healthy and being able to live. So, why now am I getting this ferocious bad-@$$ attitude? Is it just me? Julie

Hey Julie- I get mad sometimes too. By having this surgery, you will fit some people's conception of normal, but that's not the only reason that you did it, is it? I did it so that I'd have my diabetes in check, so that I could walk more than 100 feet without feeling winded, so that I could someday carry a healthy baby, so that I could hike with my dogs, fit on an airplane, find clothes that I like, avoid high blood pressure........ My birthday was July 11th. I watched everyone else have cake on MY birthday. I couldn't believe the insensitivity of the whole thing!! But I realized, if I want the above list, I have to give up somethings. People are going to talk to you (they've probably already started). You'll have to be more discerning when it comes to people. I'm glad that I have a partner, because he loved me at my worst. I'm sorry that we live in a world where people are looked down on (and its not just fat people - poor, sick, old, mentally ill, etc). There isn't much we can do about them. So after my longwinded reply, no, it isn't just you. Its me too. I have my good and bad days. I wish that I could have been born into a family that liked to be active, to a mother that valued fruits and vegetables (instead of television and chocolate). I wish I had my brother's metabolism (6', 165 lbs). I wish I was addicted to exercise. Its okay to wish, but at the end of the day, I'm glad that I'm me for a thousand reasons. And I'm glad that this surgery can correct for some of the things that luck and Karma didn't. Warm Wishes, Dina

Hey Julie, I just had a little temper tantrum tonight. We went to dinner with my dad and everyone wanted to go to Logan's ( a steakhouse) for dinner. I like Logan's but their entrees are HUGE and there's all kinds of stuff I can't eat like the BBQ Ribs (Sugar), huge steaks (red meat doesn't do much for me these days) and huge, piping hot, buttery yeast rolls (no yeast breads for me for a year). So, while my entire family was scarfing down on all this yummy stuff, I stuck with a huge salad and two shrimp and veggie skewers. Don't get me wrong, it was great, but I REALLY wanted to eat more than I physically could and it P*SSED ME OFF!!! I could make 6 meals out of this salad, not to mention the shrimp and veggies - I still have a skewer and a half left. Not only that, but everyone around me's licking BBQ sauce off their fingers, cramming bread in their mouths, etc... I got over it fast, but for about 5 minutes, I was one p*ssed off mama....

Julie, Its not just you. I have my good days and bad days. Don't forget our hormones are wacky right now also. Keep venting, and we'll all help each other out Feel better mama Aliya

Hey sweetie....don't be too hard on yourself...trust me I think all of us have these moments. I feel like I'm pissed off at the world every other day. The other day I went shopping at Old Navy for my FL vacation well I have 3 months before my vacation and as you can imagine I am buying the size I should be in or one size up from that. So long story short when I went up to the counter the girl looked at me like i was nuts buying an 18 when it's pretty clear i'm a 22/24. She was so smug I could have jumped across the counter and throttled her size 2 azz....oh well I had to let it go and it's ok because I know that I did this for health and I have to stop letting it bother me. But just once it would feel good to let someone have it.....keep smiling sistah you are beautiful and getting healthier everyday. smiles ~Melissa 346/291/

It can get pretty frustrating at times. I get through it by thinking about why I did the surgery. I wanted to change my life for the better - forever. If that means no "fun" food for a year or even two, and even then only in moderation, am I willing to do it? Yes I am - It's totally worth being frustrated at this moment in order to fit into that lower size - fit into that chair, or fit into that "normal" category - forever. Hope I don't sound over-positive (preachy) but that is how I look at it.

Thanks everyone, for your wonderful responses. No, you don't sound preachy, Carol. In fact, you sound much like the "normal" me. Hopefully, I'll get out of this funk soon!

Julie, Sorry I missed this post yesterday but so happens it has much more meaning for me today. My daugther (I am a single mom, she is my only kid) wants to go live with her dad and go to school at a much less desireable school district. I called a friend who knows us very well and she thinks my daughter may be having issues with my surgery and is trying to go somewhere "normal" for right now. Imagine how I felt! I put myself through major surgery deal with complications, give up the one vice I had FOOD all for what so my only child wants to leave me? I know this will be healthier for me but honestly I did it because I am tired of being judged by my weight! I guess you can say I am a little mad at the world myself today! Cary

Ugh! Sorry, Cary! That's a tough one. I can't say much to help or comfort you...but you have MY permission to be ! Oh, and here's a hug... (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cary))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks! Needed that hug! Cary