I'm still the fat girl in my head!

Since someone else mentioned it...I thought I'd chime in about the subject of body image. People at work keep complimenting me and telling me how great I look. It's very nice, and I'm very proud of how far I've come and how hard I'm working at it....but....after the first couple of compliments each day, I sorta don't want to hear anymore. When people try to tell me how well I'm doing, I just sorta wave the compliment away. I guess it's because I've had this experience before. I was so excited when I lost a lot of weight for the first time (140 pounds), and I was thrilled and happy and I felt sexy and alive for the first time. The problem was, it came back! I couldn't handle all that attention. I had no idea what to do with it. I'm so worried that it's going to happen again. I'm aware that it's not very likely that I'll let that happen a second time. First of all, I've had surgery this time. Second of all, I'm older and (I hope)a little wiser. Third of all, I am totally changing my lifestyle. The hardest part for me is the exercise. I don't hate it anymore, but I don't like it. I guess I'm kind of forcing myself to make it part of my daily routine...like brushing my teeth. I feel like I have to do it to really make it this time. Otherwise, when I can eat regular foods in larger portions, and the weight loss has slowed drastically, what's to stop me from gaining weight again? I'm hoping a good regimen will do it. In the meantime, I can't seem to figure out that I don't weigh nearly 400 pounds anymore. Yesterday, I went to the movies with my friends (and fit in the seat without even thinking about it!), and I was wearing a pre-op outfit! One of my friends was like, "What the heck are you wearing?! That soooo does not fit you anymore!" It was a 5X!!!!!!! I just don't FEEL like I'm any smaller. Thank goodness I anticipated the body image problems and decided to continue seeing the therapist who did my psych eval for post-op services. I think I have a long way to go before I get rid of the fat girl inside. Much longer, it looks like, than it will take me to get rid of the fat! Sorry to have rambled. Julie

Hi Julie I think this is one place you never have to apologize for rambling. I too am continuing with counseling... I've got issues with the weight loss... I'm still wearing my pre-op clothes too. That's "my size"... so I have a hard time trying something else. You've got a good attitude about it all, I think you're going to do just great! Shannon in WI

Thanks, Shannon!

Julie, You are a gorgeous lady inside and out.. I know you are going to be able to make this happen this time. After my divorce 4 years ago, I lost 120 pounds in 3 months on the heartbreak diet. But as soon as I got happy again the pounds came back and then some. But after having my surgery on 5/6/05 and going from 310 to 224 I am finally feeling I have control on my eating and a firm committment to exercise. I have always loved to swim, What about you any interest there. I have found it to be an activity that I can really get into and become totally committed to. Several local hotels in our area sell monthly passes and there are many times a day when I have the pool totally to myself. I can clear my head and relax and do the water aerobics for an hour or so pretty much effortlessly. Now if I miss my 2 trips a day I am pouting. And I have always hated boring monotonous exercise. So you might look into it. Just keep hanging in there and you are going to do this!!!!! I promise !! Hugs Laura ( Aka The fluffy Mermaid)

Thanks, Laura! Yeah, I love swimming too. I spend some weekends at my parents' house and swim in their pool. I can't afford a pool pass, and I really wouldn't feel comfortable in a public type pool yet. I'll get there...but I'm not there yet. I have a pretty decent exercise routine going...I'm learning to like it. Congratulations on your awesome weight loss! That's impressive!

Hi Julie! I, too, am still wearing my pre-surg clothes, but seem to be wearing them mostly at home! I am down 3 sizes on tops and fortunately a friend of mine had given me some clothes about a year ago that now fit. We also have a great clothes share program at the support group that I attend. People bring their clothes that don't fit anymore and you just pick what you'd like, so I'm looking forward to taking advantage of that soon! I know that I get compliments a lot now about how great I look and how much different I look! I think that I have never really seen myself as heavy as I looked in pictures! When I would look in the mirror I would see myself as fat, but then when I'd look at pictures of myself, I would be pretty surprised at HOW fat I looked! Since I never saw myself at that size, I haven't seen such a drastic change as others do! Does that make sense? But, the scale and the tape measure tell the real story--I'm down 52 lbs. and 33 3/4 inches over all! So, just hang in there and be proud of your success so far! It's more about how you feel, healthy and beautiful!! Debb

Julie, I sure wish you lived closer to me! Besides the same surgery date it seems like we have soooo mu*****ommon! I was close to 400 myself, I lost weight back in 2003 and it was great having everyone tell me how good I looked then it started to creep back, ughhh! I am now where I was at when I lost the weight, I am still not convinced that this is going to continue to be a downward thing, it feels like another diet and sooner or later I will fail! My clothes are much more lose, the girl at work says my dresses are getting longer every day (my big butt is not lifting them up like it use to). I get the comments on a daily basis at work too, wow you face is really showing it, feels like the your face is so pretty comment! I know I am shrinking, but mentally I dont think I have caught up yet! Cary