DON'T EVEN ASK!!!!

I'm sick and tired of people asking me how the weightloss is going. I feel like they want to say "I TOLD YOU SO!" I mean, Your looking right at me i*iot, don't you see that I look the same as I did two days ago when you asked me. I truly believe that most people (even some close to me) don't want to see the weight go down. I started finally telling them when they ask "what does it look like to you?" and leave it at that. CHANGE OF SUBJECT My best friend doesn't even know about the surgery. I was in and out so quick and back to my old voice/routine in about a week and a half that I just never told her. She was so negative about the whole thing telling me how horrible I would look after losing (excess skin was the main argument) that I wanted to do it and tell her later. Just never got around to it. And now I just told her I'm on the pre-op diet with surgery pending. I'm hoping to never have to tell her (maybe when I get to goal and show her that it wasn't all she said it would be.) Am I wrong for this? Thanks, Lynette 240/214/140 Lap RNY 5/23/05

I assume your friend will ask when your surgery is. Are you just going to keep pushing the date off? Or tell her you decided not to? If she goes out with you to eat...she is going to notice that you eat differently I would think. You have to do what you think is best. People have lost friendships over the surgery. Friendships rooted in eating and I hate to say it but some like having an overweight friend who poses no threat to them but once they start dropping weight jealousy surfaces. Hopefully your friend is your friend because of who you are and not what you look like! Best wishes, Kathy

I had a friend who was pretty against it pre-op. She said something to the effect of 'people just don't want to work hard for the weight loss. It takes hard work, exercise, eating right..." blahblahblah. And, since I've had the surgery, she's basically quit talking to me. Granted, she lives in OH and I'm in WA, but we used to IM each other all the time. Now, I've talked to her twice in eight weeks. Oh, well - her loss, not mine.

You are so allowed to vent, lol. I know about those people always asking about the weightloss. I knew when I went into this I would have some friends and family members who would be very against it for different reasons. I actually chose to tell those who care about me the most; you know those who actually spend time with you, talk to you weekly or daily and honestly love you no matter what. The people I chose not to tell were my husband's family because they are textbook dysfunctional and pretty ignorant people. They wouldn't understand. So when I saw some of them recently someone mentioned I lost weight. Before I could say anything ( I honestly didn't know what to say) my hubby said, "Oh, she's been so good. She exercises like crazy, eats a lot of protein, no sodas not even diet, no sugar, no sweets, no fried food or junk food. She eats very little and I'm proud of her." I almost cried. When we walked away he said, "I wasn't lying. You do all those things." I think we know in our hearts who we can trust with things like this. So in my mind you're not wrong. It's just your prerrogative to tell her or not too. Unfortunately we are all familiar with those who suddenly become jealous and/or threatened by our weight loss. Good luck to you.

you're so right on! I have a friend who is very much an advocate for obesity rights. That's really great and everything, but she is sooooooo anti-WLS, that I know I can't tell her. She has, in the past, sent me e-mails with links to articles about the negative impacts of surgery, mortality rates, etc (having no idea that I was going to do this, or even considering it). No way in heck I'll tell her. Also, I won't tell my grandmother if I can help it. She has never been a very understanding or supportive person (with the exception of a get well card when I was going through major depression). My reasons for not telling her are a little different. I just don't wish to share such an important part of my life with her. She hasn't earned it. So, in fact, no one in my extended family knows. Just the important ones. Julie

I have had the weirdest things said to me but I just change the subject. Although the WLS is a big thing in my life and so is losing weight right now and being healthy it is still such a very small thing as well. We all havee our families, friends, activities, jobs, church, neighborhood, interests etc, I find if I don't really persue this line of talk they won't either. I don't want peoples comments good or bad. When someone says you're looking good....I say thanks and leave it at that. Don't let the nosey or negative people get you down. They have their own issues.

Thank you all for your messages. I felt like I was doing something wrong by keeping it from her. I plan to tell her that I just changed my mind. We live within 10 min of each other and see and talk often. Please pray for me that I will be able to keep my business, my business. Thanks again.

Lynette: Ok, I have to jump in and say this.......you said she was your "best friend". If this is truly the case why are you afraid to tell her. You're right...it IS your business !!! So if she doesn't approve...well, that's really too bad. If she's really your best friend she'll support you. If she doesn't...then maybe she wasn't such a friend after all. I wouldn't kill myself trying to hide something like this from my friends. What I do to my body is MY business. She's going to notice you losing weight. And when you finally do tell her it may make her angrier to know you hid something from her. Just my 2 cents. Jean