My 3 year blurb....Long!!!!
Around 3 years ago today, I told everyone that I was taking a month's leave of absence and visiting North Carolina to scout the scene to see if I wanted to move there.(Still in dirty Jerz) On May 1, 2005 - a Sunday I sat crying at my desk, at 11pm scared as all **** Telephone in hand- 6 digits of my surgeon's office emergency evening number dialed. I heard myself saying "I'm not going to be able to do this-I need to cancel". (This is what i was going to say) A co-worker walked by, asked if I was ready for my trip(my lie to the job) and asked why was I crying. I told her everything. She gave me a hug, told me how proud she was of me and offered to take some before pictures. Oh how I wish I had a scanner.
I drove myself home, and proceeded to log onto to OH, and read wonderful uplifting profiles. Although inspired I was still scared to DEATH....Fast forward to 6am...dress myself with that shaky, anxious feeling that any post op can relate to. Get to the OR, told the barriatric cordinator how scared I was...she asked if "I had been on that damn website" referring to OH. She's another story-we haven't gotten along since day 2 post op, and I've been a member of this WONDERFUL FAMILY for 3 years.
It has not been easy, and I am no where where I want to be. By no means a failure, but not as successful as I should have been either. I've been 15 pounds from goal (still overweight by standards) to back to obese 
Not fun at all. There have been ups and there have been downs. I have 44 photo albums from the past 3 years. I vacation quarterly. When my son is late for the bus, I can outrun him to catch it. My child knows the value of healthy choices-almost in a do as I say and not as I do kinda way. Only after the confidence that emerged from WLS was I able to leave a 7 year abusive relationship and find true happiness-it's eluding me now, but I've felt it, and know that it is still attainable.
On the downside. I went from drinking champagne at New Years to visiting the abuse forum, and wondering if I'm an alcoholic. They say if you have to ask....As a newbie-and being the addict that I am, I found that it was easier to drink than to eat. I have also seen this with my mother and best friend, also fellow WLS patients. We used to go to buffets now we go to the bar. I had my first margarita 6 wks post op, I was in Disney World and wanted some chicken but we all know how that goes at 6 weeks, so I brought a drink, and sipped and sipped and never stopped sipping.I really think that this problem would have surfaced at some time in my life due to genetics, but WLS surgery just exacerbated it. Thank heavens for the honeymoon period....at about 1 year out my weight stabilized. I stopped loosing. All was good. During the past year I have gained. My body has never been through so many changes as it saw in 07. I can literally gain and lose 7-8 pounds overnight.
Bottom line-I can still lose weight when I put my mind to it, When following the pouch rules I still have restriction, but I was told back in 05 you can trick it. As I reflect I know that when I drink water like I'm supposed to, exercise like I'm supposed to and fill myself with lean proteins, there is little room for anything else. Gimme a protein train, I'm good for 10 pounds...6 with a 5DPT....but............give me an inch and I'll take a mile. Soon as time is up I'm gone. Whats that about. I've been in therapy since it was recommended in my approval psych eval. 3 yrs- my mind still aint right. This was supposed to be really short as I am in the middle of a research paper...but I couldn't not come here on the day that changed my life. Oh how I wish I could have reported that I made goal 2 yrs ago, and was happily maintaining, but I can't so I wont. But believe me when I tell you this, it may not be today, and it may not be next month. But ONE day that will be my testimony. I claim it.
I'd like to give a shout out to:
May of 05-remember the old days, you got me through. BAF is always good for an indirect reality check, and the knowledge and support that the Grads board provides is priceless. Thank you all.
Still no regrets...maybe adjustements for a few tweaks, but no regrets. I'm the woman I that I am today, because of all that I've been through.
Not fun at all. There have been ups and there have been downs. I have 44 photo albums from the past 3 years. I vacation quarterly. When my son is late for the bus, I can outrun him to catch it. My child knows the value of healthy choices-almost in a do as I say and not as I do kinda way. Only after the confidence that emerged from WLS was I able to leave a 7 year abusive relationship and find true happiness-it's eluding me now, but I've felt it, and know that it is still attainable.
On the downside. I went from drinking champagne at New Years to visiting the abuse forum, and wondering if I'm an alcoholic. They say if you have to ask....As a newbie-and being the addict that I am, I found that it was easier to drink than to eat. I have also seen this with my mother and best friend, also fellow WLS patients. We used to go to buffets now we go to the bar. I had my first margarita 6 wks post op, I was in Disney World and wanted some chicken but we all know how that goes at 6 weeks, so I brought a drink, and sipped and sipped and never stopped sipping.I really think that this problem would have surfaced at some time in my life due to genetics, but WLS surgery just exacerbated it. Thank heavens for the honeymoon period....at about 1 year out my weight stabilized. I stopped loosing. All was good. During the past year I have gained. My body has never been through so many changes as it saw in 07. I can literally gain and lose 7-8 pounds overnight.
Bottom line-I can still lose weight when I put my mind to it, When following the pouch rules I still have restriction, but I was told back in 05 you can trick it. As I reflect I know that when I drink water like I'm supposed to, exercise like I'm supposed to and fill myself with lean proteins, there is little room for anything else. Gimme a protein train, I'm good for 10 pounds...6 with a 5DPT....but............give me an inch and I'll take a mile. Soon as time is up I'm gone. Whats that about. I've been in therapy since it was recommended in my approval psych eval. 3 yrs- my mind still aint right. This was supposed to be really short as I am in the middle of a research paper...but I couldn't not come here on the day that changed my life. Oh how I wish I could have reported that I made goal 2 yrs ago, and was happily maintaining, but I can't so I wont. But believe me when I tell you this, it may not be today, and it may not be next month. But ONE day that will be my testimony. I claim it.
I'd like to give a shout out to:
May of 05-remember the old days, you got me through. BAF is always good for an indirect reality check, and the knowledge and support that the Grads board provides is priceless. Thank you all.
Still no regrets...maybe adjustements for a few tweaks, but no regrets. I'm the woman I that I am today, because of all that I've been through. 
hey there aliya!
you are doing so much better than you think you are! may 12th will be my 3 year! i never even got close to goal! im still about 80 pounds away....i had a miscarriage last year and put on 23 pounds like nothing! i couldnt believe how quickly i resorted back to my old habits! i've been on an eating healthy kick for about a month now....ive started writing down everythingi put onto my mouth....i also joined the gym...frst time since my surgery...im going to be healthy...i may not get there quickly and without struggle but im gonna get there! so can you! amy
Congratulations to you! Thank you so much for your HONEST anniversary blog. You have accomplished so much, running, did you ever think you would say that you can run with your son. The life we got back is wonderful, I was heavy as a child so I never ran. But I find myself now running, riding bikes and going to the gym. Things I never dreamed of. Don't be down on yourself, you accomplished ALOT. The drinking I can relate too, I too noticed that things were going in that direction, I too have a family history of addictions, I was able to pull myself back -- my doctor had warned me of this and it stayed in the back of my head at all times.
Be proud of the new you and enjoy!
((((((ALIYA!))))
You've come so far - not just physically, but mentally. Don't ever forget that this isn't just a body changing decision but a mind and heart change as well. You've grown so much over the past 3 years, just as we all have. I'm so glad to see your post - I haven't been on OH in ages and with my 3 years coming up, I was feeling pretty nostalgic, as well. 
Your courage over these past three years is admirable. I have been putting off a three year update, but after reading yours I am going to get it done before 5/20 (my surgiversay.)
I have kept off what I lost, but have stayed about 15-20 pounds from where I really want to be. Mostly from lack of effort.
Congrats to you and remember ... one day at a time.
Take care.
J 
Most Active
Recent Topics
