Still Dealing with Head Issues 2 years out

Hello Maysters!!! It's sad that we don't talk as much as we used to! But I understand the whole circle of life thing and that some of us have literally gotten our lives back and are now out living them. (some did that even before wls) I'm still dealing with image/body issues!!! Why can't I see myself for who I am now? A lady was talking to me the other day and she was saying that she's never ever gotten into a size 8, she's always been a "double digit". I thought to myself - no way am I smaller then her, we've GOT to be about the same size. Wrong, she's a 10/12 and I'm a 2/4..... why don't I see that about myself. I absolutely hate my legs. I call them flabby barbie doll legs. Skinny ankles, then big calves, then smaller knees and then big thighs. I guess if it were all tonned and muscles I wouldn't mind as much.... but it's just flabby!!! I can't wear a bathingsuit without shorts over top because of the wrinkly-flabby skin on my inner thighs. It's depressing!! And I have stretch marks down past my knees 1/2 way to my ankles. Boy is that ever ugly. I don't know if tanning would help that or make it stick out more. My arms, I'm learning to live with. They're not bad (so others tell me). I have a flab batwing but I can wear sleevless tops and not feel too self conscious about it. OK - enough whining for me!!! Other then how I see myself - I'm doing GREAT!!!!! My health has been perfect since God healed me December 1st. I have eatten every meal since with no problems what so ever. I'm sitting right at 130 pounds. (I'l like about 5 pounds off, but DH says NO WAY). We're packing our house up right now. We are moving to Oklahoma (from Michigan) on July 1st. The kids will be done with school tomorrow!!!!! I'm soooo glad to have school out!!!!! But in OK, school starts August 9th so they feel they're getting robbed out of the summer break! Well, that's my update.... what are you guys doing this summer??????? HUGS, laurie

Hiya Laurie, So good to see you post. I remember last December when you shared about your healing and recovery from the illness that plagued you and was quite serious. I could not post then due to some glitch and my technical inaptitude but I was truly rejoicing for your delightful gift and renewal. I also had a wonderful healing. I was having blood sugar rapid drops many times a day. Dizzy, sweating, & shaking - the whole thing. Sorta feeling like dumping - almost a drunk- like dizziness. I tried everything and kept yogurt in my lunchbox everytime I went out because it was the only thing that helped immediately. My doc was very concerned and the updated data on WLS patients reported an increase in this problem and that it could become very serious. I was at a 24 hr prayer vigil at my church. At the closing prayer the pastor asked anyone who needed healing to come up and recieve prayer. I did . I have deep faith in healing yet know we do not always recieve it right away and as an old pastor used to say God's answers are " Yes, NO , and Not Yet. " I was open and so hoping for a, Yes ! Well, I am so grateful to say the whole low blood sugar issue went away. I recieved quite a gift. So I know the joy of such a gift of healing. Happy packing and moving. Seems you just moved a yr ago, or so. With such a large family it must be a true challenge. Sorry the kids will get/feel gipped, tho. But it may help you settle in as they return to school out there. With the head issues, I hear ya. Though I don't expect to ever see single digit clothing sizes...and am just a teeny-weeny bit envious , I do get quite shocked when I pass a mirror in a shop or the glass in the window and see my reflection. I can't believe it is me ! Then comes the temptation to over scrutinize the crepe folds and empty balloon skin here and there ( and there, too ) and just tell myself to STOP spazzing. Because the gift of renewed life is such a treasure and I don't ever want to forget where I came from or ever go back . As my youngest daughter is contemplating WLS and I see the dispair in her eyes and contempt towards herself at her inability to succeed at this weight loss thing in the normal (whatever NORMAL really means ! ) way, I recall walking in those shoes and feeling so much pain in every joint from the strain Morbid Obesity and gravity puts on them. It makes me think back ...and although my personal journey is not stellar success it has given me such renewed freedom and confidence and lightness in my step. It causes me to be deeply grateful for the blessing of this " TOOL " ! Glad you dropped in, Mary

Thanks Mary!!! Yes, I have enjoyed total health for seven months now. God has used that in such a BIG way. (hense why we're moving) I've now gone to churches and groups to minister to people there. It's incredible that God has chosen to use little ol' me in this way. It is such a blessing to touch peoples lives in a real way. My husband and I are moving to Oklahoma to attend Bible college, we plan to go into the ministry!! And it all started with my healing!! Yes - I have to tell myself that I'm whole, healthy, and good enough just like I am!!! It's a daily struggle though, that's for sure!!! I am so very blessed!!! I really LOVE life now. I even enjoy the stressful days (lol). It all just has so much more meaning to me know. Have a great summer Laurie

Okay I hear you loud and clear Laurie. Unfortunately I cannot afford plastic surgery so I am stuck dealing with flabby arms, legs, stomach, you name it. My dream after WLS was to be happy with my legs and to this day I am still very unhappy with them. Somehow I thought my legs would just magically shrink down but boy was I ever wrong. I still cannot wear shorts, more the capri pants. So just be aware you definately are not alone. Candy

Hi Candy, This is funny... well... not funny "ha ha" but more ironic... My surgery day is 5/9 also.. and I have the SAME issue with my thighs... my arms are 'ok' and really dont need surgery. I have not done too much toning exercising with them, I try... and wish I could try harder.... and some days I do.. I think a personal trainer might help, but heck... I am not Oprah, and do not have that kind of $$.... I do hate my legs.... and I hate the word hate.. hahaha.... they are STRONG... they get me where I need to go... so I am trying to love them. you know? Maybe if I write daily affirmations? who knows? I have a list that I keep for things to do.... short term, long term, wants/needs.... etc... and on the short term is to see a vascular surgeon. I have a ton of veins! that show through..... surface veins, spider veins, and vericous.. and they...to me.... are hideous. but.... this is the big but.... they do not hurt. maybe they will if i put the weight back on? who knows. I am 43. I am at goal. actually below surgeons and my own goal. right now i am at 110. and i am 5'1. so its where i should be on the BMI? i feel great. i eat right, i exercise.... bike/stationary. i need to strength train/tone more... but i dont like the appearance of the legs/thighs knees.... veins.. but heck..... in capris... i am ok. and my arms... yeah... they jiggle.... but heck. i am healthy. off all meds, except some lunesta. just wanted to share! write back if you want. hugs, J.

I did respond but sent it through member services by mistake did you get it? Candy

HI Candy, do you want me to cut/paste your response? I got it on my email.... I could do that, so that it shows up here on the message board, or I could just respond here. Just let me know . I just got in from work. I will wait for your response. Hope you are having a great day! J.