Me and my life

Hi everyone! Just wanted to check in and say hi and let you all know what is going on with me and my little life. First of all, Becky, I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now. I have been reading off and on for the last few weeks and know that I have been praying for you. So, lets see, where do I start??? My fibro pain is getting worse and moving to different areas now. It was mainly in my back, neck, and headaches, but it's not in my hips in a big way. The top of my hips and around to the front of my pelvic bones has been hurting. I still have the pinched nerve in my back - I don't know if I told you, but my physical therapist determined that is what has been going on. She said the muscles in the middle of my back are so tight (I can actually feel a difference from those to the ones above and below them) that they are pushing my spine in in that area which is causing those vertibrae to pinch the nerves there. About 5 days ago it was so severe that I almost went to the emergency room because I hurt soooo bad and I took 3 Vicodin within a 4 hour period and was still hurting. I was again shaking, sweating, and could not sit, lie down, or stand in any position that helped. So, I finally remembered that lying on my right side (the side that hurts the most, ironically) helped before, so I did that and it helped. So, I, sadly, rank my "good" and "bad" days by how many Vicodin I have to take in a day. Anyday where I have to take 2 or less is a good day. The last 2-3 weeks (with the exception of one stretch of four days where I didn't take ANY!!) I have had to take at least 4 and sometimes 5 per day. I am able to do things, though, and have been functioning normally. I go to see my PCP again on the 27th and I'm going to demand that he change my Wellbutrin. I've been on it now for months and not only is my pain not getting better, but it (as I said) is getting worse. The area where I do have the pinched nerve hurts pretty bad and sends pain through my back and side and I get muscle spasms in my chest pretty bad and all throughout my back. It just goes on and on. Okay, onto more pleasant things. School is going well. I have added my 4th class in the last 3 weeks and I LOVE it!! It's called "Classical Foundations" and we talk about how art, theater, music, and philosophy from ancient times (Egypt, Greece, and Rome) have influenced modern times. It really is a fun and interesting class. My other classes (English, US History, and Computers) are going well, too. I'm maintaining an "A" in all of them so I'm happy. I got a letter in the mail today that says that I made the Dean's List for 2006!!! The classes that I'm teaching are also going well. My Ancient Egypt classes that I'm teaching will be wrapping our mummified chickens on Tuesday. It should be fun!! I've been eating out a lot in the last few days. I ate BK 4 days ago, Taco Bell 2 nights ago, and McD's last night and Subway about 5 days ago. I have been out doing a lot of running, but I do not want to get into that habit again. I want to make sure that I always have some sort of healthy snack with me at all times when I plan on being gone for a while. I also have been waiting way too long in between meals which is causing me to eat a lot more when I do eat. Like yesterday I had a protein drink at about 10, lunch at noon and then I didn't eat dinner until about 8 p.m. I did have a snack of peanuts around 5:30. Anyway, like I said we went to McD's and I ate all but one bite of a double cheeseburger WITH the bun and about 1/2 of a small fry. Not good. OTHER than this past week, my eating has been going very well. I've been trying out new fruits and veggies. I'm eating a persimmon as I'm typing this. It tastes to me like a cross between a pear and a pumpkin. Strange. Can't say that I like it a lot or would buy another one, but it is interesting. Weight wise I'm hovering between 180-185 (Aunt Flo is visiting right now so I'm around 189). I've been weighing when I go to PT once or twice/week. I don't want to lose anymore and my husband doesn't want me to either. He says that I'm getting too thin now. I'm scheduled for my TT on 2/1/07 and will probably end up around 170-175 after that. I still don't feel "too small" because I've got this mound of flesh on my abdomen. When I'm standing up it's not too bad but when I sit down I feel huge still. Maybe when I have my tummy done I'll see what he sees, I don't know. I'm going to talk to my PS about the cost of getting my arms done, too. I have TONS of skin on my arms. Anyway, I've taken a course to become a counselor at our church and part of the way to become a counselor is to take a psychological profile, go to a workshop (that I did the weekend of the 28th), and go through an application process. Well, I did the psychological profile and it showed that I have hostility issues. I never really thought that I did, but since I discussed it with our pastor, I have been very aware that I do. I have an INCREDIBLY short fuse. I don't act on it most of the time, but I definitely feel it. I hold it in very well, but there is a point that it builds up and what a former pastor called "gunnysacking" it, when it finally does come out, it's very explosive, ugly, and sarcasm just oozes. So, I agreed to see my pastor for a while to get to the root of the issue. I'm sure that I've told you all that I was molested at age 14, but was also raped two different times at ages 19 and 20. I've been through counseling and have dealt with those issues, but apparently my hostility comes from the way things were handled after those incidents. Nothing was ever done about any of them and I guess I have some anger issues about those things that are still held inside. Sigh...just when I think I'm done dealing with s#/t, there's something else. So, I'll see him for a while and see what comes up. So...that's what's up with me for now. Just wanted to stop in and say hello. Until next time... Michelle

Hey, Michelle! Thanks for the long update and sharing so much of yourself and your life with us. Sorry to hear how bad the fibro and your back are. I hope that things improve for you very, very soon. School and teaching sounds like it is going great. I cannot go long hours without eating without having crashing sugars (like today, for instance) but I know how it is to get "over hungry" and feel crappy and end up eating fast or more than you would expect. Think we've all been there. Planning really helps. I bring breakfast, lunch and foods for snacks if I need it to work each day. If we are headed out for the day... we pack water, ice in ziplock bags, protein powder, nuts, fruit, etc It takes time but it is worth it not to have sugar crashes and need to grab food that you wouldn't necessarily choose to eat. Fast food is definitely convenient and "right there". It is very hard to make good choices at those places. Sorry that you have to deal with the hostility issues but it is good to be aware of them and to deal with them. I know it won't be easy but it will be so productive in the long run. I think the fact that you want to be a counselor at your church is fabulous. Hugs, Kathy

Thanks for checking in, Michelle. I am so sorry to hear about your pain. I will continue to pray for your health. Congrats on your weight loss. You've done in incredible job! I am so glad your counseling is working well for you. I know I need to talk to someone as well., but I keep putting it off. I'm sure you're going to LOVE you're new hour-glass figure after your tummy tuck. I can't wait to get started on the plastics maybe in a year or so. Anyway, you and your family are in my prayers. Hugs, Tracy

Hi Michelle, So good to hear from you. You will remain in my prayers. I hope you are pain free very soon! Hugs, Wanda