What's Going On in My Life

Hey all, just checking in to see what's up... My life is unrecognizable right now, and I've been wanting to put this out there but for some reason have hesistated... Aaron and I are going to divorce. We've been talking since Friday night and have decided it's what's best. We can't make each other happy. We aren't fighting, there's no anger, only sadness. A lot of sadness... Aaron needs more emotional support than I can give him, 24/7, and he feels lost and displaced if I'm not on it all the time. I can't operate like that 24/7 and when I get tired and slack off, it hurts him and I become resentful. This is something that's always been an issue, our entire relationship, something I recognized when we married but chose to ignore thinking it would go away, or get better, or didn't matter. Well, it didn't go away, or get better and it does matter. I can't give him what he needs to be happy, and he can't give me what I need to be happy and we want to part before we begin hating each other. We're still friends and want to remain friends so that Livvie will grow up knowing her parents love and respect each other, not in a house where there's bitterness and resentment. Rick's family removed him from life support yesterday. He was on both a ventilator and a feeding tube and they took him off both around 11am in the morning. As of 5:30 last night, he was still alive, still breathing, just enough. They expected him to go sometime over the course of the night. I'm pretty sure I'll never get on a motorcycle again. I know what can happen on bikes but until I saw him in the hospital, and his family and what they've been through, I didn't realize... They are all fine. His daughter, Randi, is so strong. I'm so, so proud of her. They made the right decision and she knows it... I'm still losing weight. Down to 145 now. In my head I know I don't need to lose any more. I know that if I lose much more, I'm going to start getting sick. I can't help but love to see the scale keep going down. Every morning I get up and go to the scale and on one hand, I'm thrilled to see the weight lower but on the other, I feel sick to my stomach because I know I'm not being healthy about it. I restrict my eating quite a bit. If I'm hungry, I deny it, even though I know I should eat, because I really like seeing the scale go down. I'm keeping an eye on this, I've begun seeing a therapist to help me deal with things going on at home as well as some pretty significant pressures at work. In addition, she's familiar with WLS and we've talked about my eating and scale issues and we're going to keep an eye on it. I'm okay, all things considered. I'm very sad. And very tired. But okay. I also recognize that I have a lot of things going on that could really do damage to me, emotionally and mentally, if I'm not careful, which is why I'm seeing someone about it. I can't afford to fall apart right now. I've got too much to keep in the air. I guess I just wanted to put all this out there, to share this with my friends. I probably won't be around much in the coming weeks, with school and work and PS coming up, my spare time right now is devoted to my family even more than ever. I do lurk and keep tabs on everyone as much as I can, though. I hope everyone is doing well... Talk to you later, BS

I love you, honey, and you know I'm here for you. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong and take good care of yourself. Hugs, Kathy

Ahhh honey.. what a tiime in your life.... when it rains.. its pours... Sorry about the divorce... however as hard as it is to get thru...sometimes its best. When I divorced my first husband even tho things were horrible (we were NOT friends--long story) I was still depressed and felt like I had failed... Its tough no matter what. Sorry about your bike friend... makes us face our own mortality... I love to ride but it does make you think twice... As for your eating... Im glad you recognize the signs... you need to stay healthy for you and for the kids... that is your FIRST priority.... Its a fine line. Hugs for you sweetie... Karen

Becky sue, You know we all love you and will be here for you when you need us. I've been separated now for5 1/2 months. Will file for divorce in Dec. It has been so liberating and these past few months have veen the best for me for as long as I can remember. I stayed in a loveless marriage 15 years longer than I should have for the kids and because I was M.O.. You are young and you are strong and there is a great life ahead of you waiting to be lived. Let me know if ever there is anything I can do for you. I got your back girl. Andrea

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I know none of it will be easy. Please lean on us for friendship and support. Hang in there!

Becky, I am thinking of you, stay strong. reach out whenever!

I hope that by sharing the many things going on in your life that the burdens on your shoulders will be somewhat lightened. Everyone on the board wants what is best for you. Take care of yourself, ensure your health, and share whenever the need arises. Mary Lou

Becky Sue, Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Big, big hugs for you. You are strong. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. Love, Wanda

Good Grief! Take care of yourself and take one day at a time! Sue McD

I'm so sorry to hear about Rick. His family is in my prayers. Have you tried marriage counseling? You said that you and Aaron still love each other, so there's a chance that a counselor can help you both work through your issues and Aaron through his neediness. It just seems so drastic especially considering that there are children in the picture. Anyway, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Tracy