ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

- - Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: 1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. HAPPY HALLOWEEN MAYSTERS!!!

Thanks for the laughs... many of them. I've already stolen...er... borrowed... er... copied this and shared it with some friends. Everyone loved 'em. K

Oh Kate, They are too funny. I'm sitting here at work reading them and laughing so hard that I'm attracting toomuch attention to the fact that I'm on the computer NOT doing the state's business. Andrea