I'm screwing this all up...

I need to get this out in hopes that if I see it in black and white, I'll quit denying it and DO something about it. I'm screwing this all up... I'm drinking with my meals. I'm eating too many white carbs. I ate a Reese's PB cup yesterday - slowly, over the course of 3 hours so I wouldn't get sick... I'm drinking more alcohol than I should be. Far more. I'm not drinkin enough water. I'm grazing. A LOT - particulalry at night. I'm not exercising. I'm now fully outside of my 'comfort zone' - pushing 157. I had been fluctuating between 151 and 154 for months... I don't think this is "water weight". I think I'm gaining. I shouldn't be surprised, the way I've been eating... I'm scared... Terrified, to tell you the truth. I know what I need to do. I tell myself every morning that today is going to be different. Sometimes, I do really well until the end of the day and then all common sense goes out the window. Not looking for pity or a kick in the butt (doing that enough on my own). Just need to 'get it out there'.

You arent screwing it up ..you are nipping it in the butt because you are realizing your eating habits.I do the same thing just take one day at a time take a deep breath do something real nice for yourself-beating yourself up makes it worse and go back to protein 1st.You know all this already I am here for you.I know what will snap you out of it...put your Rascall Fatts music on and go for a walk.Exercise and their music usually keep me in line.You know all we have is now and today so start over and you will continue to soar. You look awsome and you have done a great job I just love the afro man.Have a good Saturday.I am running a bus load of teenagers to the mall wish me luck. ~Laura~

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Laura... I'm just so frustrated with myself... I'm doing the one thing I swore I wouldn't do - sabotage myself... Today has been a good eating day (so far) but a horrible day as far as the cravings are concerned... You're right - one day at a time.

Why? Why are you directly sabotaging yourself? If you can figure this out, maybe it will help you stop it. You recognize the screwing it up part. You know what you need to be doing instead. You know you are making choices, some conciously, some unconciously, that are putting you back on the path you worked so hard to get off. Please, I am not meaning this as a personal attack at all. Maintaining our weight loss is incredibly difficult, and a day by day process, sometimes hour by hour. The "why" question is the one I would ask anyone, including myself, at the point of recognition of the problem. Best of luck to you, Debra M.

That's a heck of a good question, Debra... I've been asking myself that all day long... I can tell you it's the nighttime eating that bothers me the most - very sneaky, hidden kind of behavior - when the kids are in bed, Aaron's out in the garage, etc... I'll throw together a 1/2 a cheese sandwhich or something when really, I'm not hungry... Of course, 2 years ago, I would have eaten 3 cheese sandwiches instead of 1/2 of one, but still, the behavior is there. Today has been a good day - I'm starving... Probably my body not happy about this 'no snacking' rule after being used to the grazing. Nothing but some yogurt for breakfast, 2 salads (one with tuna, one with chicken) no dressing, and 6 pretzels... Did I tell you I'm starving?

Becky, As I read your post, it could have been written by me. I've gained about 6 pounds over the past month. I'm not eating like I should, I'm eating way too many carbs, and somehow I've gotten off of the wagon. I know I can get back on, but somehow it helps to know that others are struggling this way too. I know we can both kick this and lose what we've gained and more if we want. Thanks for helping keep ME accountable. Wanda

Becky, I feel you. I don't think I've gained, but my eating habits aren't the best. Let me rephrase that...I eat pretty good all day, but I, too, do a lot more nighttime snacking than I'm happy with. However, I've gotten to the point where I allow myself a nighttime snack because I eat dinner at around 5, maybe 6 and I don't go to bed until 11 or 11:30 so 5-6 hours without eating is a long time for me. I usually eat every 3-4 hours but during the day it's a fruit because I know that I'll be eating within a few hours. Here's the schedule I've set up for myself: sometime between 9-10 is breakfast (either oatmeal with splenda, banana, walnuts or sf jelly and almonds or eggs w/cheese and toast) around 12:30-1, sometimes 2 if I'm not hungry is lunch - this varies by day, either leftovers, SBD meal, lean pocket, 1/2 sandwich and usually some sort of fruit and/or veggie, maybe yogurt around 3-4 a fruit and some kind of protein - if I've not had nuts with bfast I'll have some almonds or walnuts, if I've had nuts then I'll have some cheese and a fruit dinner is around 5:30-6:30 a protein, veggie, starch (usually whole grain or rarely regular potato) snack around 9-9:30 depends on what I've had for the day. If I'm low on protein I'll have some kind of protein usually in the form of cheese or leftover from dinner, or if I've not had nuts then I may have some pb on a low carb tortilla or whole grain bread. If I've not had too many starches I may have a bag of 100 calorie popcorn, etc. Now please know that sometimes I just "snack" my way through the night with a few bites here a few bites there, but I try not to. I, too, drink more than I did pre-op and sometimes I get concerned, but I also am in some pain quite frequently so I am taking my Vicodin more than I'm comfortable and sometimes I worry that I'm taking it to numb out rather than for pain. I also am aware that I am shopping a lot more than our budget allows. (I can't believe I'm writing these things!) My husband has gotten onto me quite a few times in the last few months on either the grocery shopping (buying just for the sake of buying), shopping just for the sake of shopping things that I KNOW I don't need or my kids and/or husband don't need either, but I find myself wandering around the stores finding another "fix" (aka something else to put into the shopping cart) because of the rush. My husband asked me the other day WHY I'd put another $150 on the credit card on things that we really didn't need when I knew he was having trouble paying on it already. I told him I honestly didn't know and that I was sorry. I told him that it was like auto-pilot, I just did it because. The bottom line is that we're addicts. We need to be aware of our behaviors and be aware whenever we're trying to numb out for whatever reason. I am in need of reevaluation of my own behaviors as well. Thank you for the wake-up call. Michelle

Add shopping to my list, too, Michelle... Like you, sometimes I can't even help myself... I was doing laundry yesterday and realized I have 5 pairs of black dress pants. FIVE! What on earth do I need FIVE pairs of black slacks for??? And then I also buy clothes that I can't wear to work that I never get the opportunity to wear anywhere else, anyway (like short, short denim skirts).... Why? Not to mention all the "little stuff" for the house that adds up... They talk about transference of addicitions after WLS and I really never thought it would be an issue for me, but now I'm starting to wonder....

Thank you guys for being so brutally honest...ive mentioned my issues with alcohol here before, and I must say its gettign better...no more bottles of wine at home just for the sake of it, rather its more social drinking...when I'm out with the girls. My eating was out of control as well, but I've lost four pounds in the last week, just by cuttin the crap, and uppin, uppin my protein (ya know the things we're supposed to do) Anyway Im feeling great, knowing that I can do the right thing, and Becky you know what needs to be done, and just because you've come soooo freakin far, I know you're gonna do it. Remember when u made it to onderland ( your post was so grateful and heartfelt, I cried) just think back on your 'moments" and know that you have come to friggin far.

I think that dang nighttime eating is getting the best of most of us. For me, I think I am just going to have to go cold turkey - no "food" after dinner and if I get physically hungry (not head hunger) then have a protein shake. We have simply GOT to break the night time eating habit if we want to keep the weight off. Period. We're all in this together! Good luck!