Disable the Enabler

Ok Guys, Do any of you have an "Enabler" in your house? My DH thinks I'm just right, but I still want to loose 40 more. He does the shopping for the house and he's starting to sneak back my favorites... I know, I know, just don't eat them... but damn... I can hear them calling me... I've asked him nicely not to buy things and he's good for a while, but then... there they are... He says that I'm disappearing on him... (hardly) at 170-175 lbs there's still a lot of room for improvement. (although my 46D's are now 34B's) I don't obsess like I did a year ago... I'll go out to eat, I'll have an occasional drink... WLS is not the major focus in my life. I've learned to cook "normal stuff" for my family and still cover my diet and protein. I give him as much if not more attention as before. My girlfriend thinks he's affraid of loosing me... Like that would ever happen. With our babies leaving the nest, I love and need him more than ever. My goal may be unreachable, but I'm having a hard enough time getting there without a saboteur in my house. Any suggestions? Kate Z 313/173/130

Kate, I have no suggestions as I live alone with my cats and everything they bring in the house I don't feel tempted to eat! As my grandma used to say "I wish I weighed what you weighed and you had a feather in your pants, then we'd both be tickled!" Hugs, Lori

Lori, "A feather in my pants?" kinky... Don't get me wrong, I thank God everyday for the blessings in my life. I guess what it comes down to is I'm blaming everything and everyone for the fact that I'm stalled in my weight loss. My Hubby bringing home treats is just the proverbial straw. I've been up and down the same 5 lbs for 4 months... at this rate to meet my goal I'll have to lose 6 pounds a month from now until my birthday in April. It really ticks me off when I can't get what I want... (I'm a spoiled brat at heart)... Thanks for your reality check.... Kate Z

Hi Kate, I do have an occasional enabler in the house who will buy a whole extra thin crust domino's pizza sort of hoping I will pig out. My sabateur is not fully 'conscious' in setting a trap for me. ( maybe a little ) Actually when one member of the family changes in as huge a way as we all have, it does make the other family members have to do some re-evaluating and re- adjusting. In my house - I was always the heaviest , hands down. As the weight has come off it has created some inner conflict in the heart of a certain loved one. This loved one is not only now the heaviest but has put on better than 35 lbs. since my surgery. Anyway in my house when I see the enabling tactics I have to be careful to evaluate with kindness. Step around the 'land mines' and keep on taking care of me. The one who is most disturbed by my changes; is on the one hand very happy for me and totally my biggest fan and is delighted I am not so physically ill as before...BUT on the other hand - once I became 'thinner' it seems to them to undermine their personal worth based on their increasing obesity and different place in the family unit. ( ie they now are the heaviest , biggest, fattest ) I probably am not able to explain adequately. It's just that as we change others can and often do feel somewhat threatened by our changes. I see the pain in the eyes of this loved one when seams are about to split in their jeans and the only choice is a bigger size ...my heart brakes for this dear one. I know what they are going thru. This obesity is a horrific disease with the power to make one feel like a { FAT } ,defeated, miserable failure. We have walked in those shoes, and have the scars to proove it, huh? That's why I sense a deep nudge to respond with tender kindness recognizing their inner conflict and pain. Lately most trips to blockbuster end in a run thru Wendy's they say " Hey, we'll get you a frosty - You always loved them! " I just say " No I'm really not hungry". They get a full meal ( after only a couple hrs since dinner) and my heart aches for them. Filling up the { hollow } with food. Been there done that for soooo long. Sometimes still try There are times when one can only lead with example. So I choose to not be offended or critical ...just conscious ot thier raging fears. Maybe your hubby is trying to bring back some of the days, when there was a lack of threat he may have felt pre-wls. Now that you are slimmer he may realize the LOOKS you get from the opposite sex ...even if you aren't aware or tryng to 'catch someone's eye.' There may be loving yet firm boundaries you may consider setting. Maybe tell him specifically what trips you up and how that stumble makes you feel about yourself and your journey and appeal to his heart to be considerate of your needs. It may be especially important to TELL him when you have his full attention that you " Love him and need him more than ever." ( since the nest has emptied) He may crave knowing and hearing those words from you - in case he is feeling a little insecure. Best wishes to you and to him, Mary

Dear Mary, I'm the only one in the house with a problem with food. So (luckily) I haven't had some of the landmines you've had to step around. As for the communication with my Husband, I really do treat him very well... We are one of those goofy couples that are always talking, playing, touching... He makes me laugh every day. It makes some of my divorced friends gag... He is now and has always been my best friend, my rock, my one true.... I will try again to have "the conversation" about food traps. And I will try to reinforce the fact that we need to be there for each other for a long time... (just in case he hasn't gotten it for the last 28 years)... Thank you for your advice. Kate Z

I'm not quite sure if I have an enabler. My hubby just doesn't get it! He never got it when I was fat and dieting and he doesn't get it now! He has been the same weight since High School and then after 21 years in the Marine Corps you just live a certain life. Unfortunetly I can't drink a 12 pack of beer and eat a bag of Fritos and maintain my weight!! I think he just tries to make me happy but he is a big "ole sabatoger!!!!

Dear Jen, Doesn't that drive you nuts... My hubby's waist line has changed 2 inches in the last 28 years. Kate Z