I'm still alive

Hey everyone ... It's me just checking in. It's been A LONG time since I've been on the boards. Some of it is just plain business, the rest is avoidance. I've been feeling so unworthy to even be here as I am totally not in a good place with my health and weightloss. I'm so thankful that I'm not gaining ... but I'm not eating well (or regularly), rarely exercising, and I'm still smoking. I've tried getting back to keeping a food diary, but after a couple of days that peters off. Starting tomorrow, I want to try it again so we'll see. So, I'm not quite sure why I feel compelled to share all of this. Again, I feel like I have no business being here. But I am, and it is what it is. WLS certainly IS NOT a cure-all. It is good to see there are those "hanging in there" and I'm glad to see others are succeeding. I know there is hope for me yet ... I just need to tap into some motivation to make some changes. Diane

Well, if you don't belong, neither do I... My eating habits have sucked lately... I've tricked myself into thinking that 6 small meals means eating constantly, just little bits... Not to mention the crappy snacking I've been doing (Gardettos, chips, bread, etc.) Oh, yeah, still smoking.. I can't stand the fact that I haven't quit... To be honest, I really haven't tried all that hard lately, either. I'm scheduled for PS in 3 months and I don't want to be smoking... Why can't I quit? But, I still check in everyday. Why? Because I know I would be that much worse if I didn't. I know me... Having to put down what I eat for all ya'll to see, even the really bad stuff (like the small handfuls of carmel corn I forgot to mention earlier ) makes me less likely to repeat it the next day... Stick around, Diane, we'll motivate you. Well.... at the very least, we'll AMUSE you...

Hi Diane If you can't come here where can you go? Cuz god knows if poor eating excluded you from visiting I wouldn't be here either! I have just noticed those beers slide down way to easy each evening! Yeah they are low carb but after 6 who cares!!! I stop by OH every morning and lurk around and post here and there. I really think it helps keep me grounded in WLS reality!!!! Jen

Diane, Geez, you aren't unworthy, my dear. All of us struggle. We really do. Just read through the posts and you'll see folks struggling with all types of situations. Whether it is smoking, trips to McDonalds, to grazing... none of us is perfect. We are imperfect beings that are going to eat unhealthy, overeat, graze, stress eat, etc. The key is to try to limit those events and not beat yourself up too much for it. I ate way too much last night. Felt horrid. Curled up in a ball. Will I do it again. Yes. Am I beating myself up for it. No. What's done is done. I hated how I felt and it was something that I could and can control. I'll try not to do it again anytime soon. That's the best I can do. There are no nevers. Please post. Come back often even if you just lurk. Each minute gives us the opportunity to start fresh and from this point out. Start now. Do what is healthy for your body and your overall health. Do it as best you can. It is not all-or-nothing. You can start anytime. Take care, Kathy

Sweetie, thanks for checkin in, I know how you feel, and as you can see, others do as well. Hang in there, because you, we, I CAN do this! Aliya

Hiya Diane, Glad you dropped in to say Hi and let us know how you are doing. We've missed seeing you around We all are struggling with food every day. Coming here gives us encouragement and hope and prods us onward and upwards. Last night I also had a crummy evening with food. I had planned to eat out after a family appointment, which after waiting over 1/2 hr. in the waiting room - my dear daughter tells me we had gotten a msg. confirming the appt. but it was a LONG msg so she didn't listen to the rest ! ( which stated we were being re-scheduled till next wk ) I was hungry and my blood sugar was dropping making me dizzy. Hubby and dd had eaten a small meal before we left and I did eat a handful of fruit-nut trail mix earlier at 5:30 pm. But by 7pm my body was ready for protein rich food. I felt to press eating out would sort of reward dd for failing to give us the accurate msg. and inconveniencing us all. We stopped for gas ( where ate a mini oatmeal bar) and at the grocery so dh could buy ice cream and by the time I got home I was sweating, shaking and having a full fledged low blood sugar spaz attack. I ate 3 oz of chicken and some mandarin oranges which filled me up great... but because I was 'simmering in my little stew pot of resentment' my food addiction was whispering "MORE, MORE!!" so after an hour I ate a carmel apple which filled me up again. Fine, right??? No ! Before I went to bed ate a ff yogurt then I decided to get out the bag of organic blue cheese and sharp cheddar cheese twists - albeit made with corn meal BUT I ate more than 2 handfuls - even tho I was not even hungry... It doesn't end there ...I woke up with the burning irritation in my esophagus from eating before bed. When I so proudly just got off my reflux meds 3 wks ago!!!... I asked myself " What do I do now???? Go back on them because I broke the rules and tempted fate with eating food, especially THAT kind of food before I laid down for bed???" Feeling like a dumb bunny and recognizing the roots were ; a) letting myself go too long without dense protein and b) faulty communication c) allowing the bitterness to simmer and bubble into a self sabatage. Whew ! It made me remember someone saying at a meeting: ----------------------------------------------------------------------- DO NOT EVER LET YOURSELF GET TOO; 1. HUNGRY 2. ANGRY 3. LONELY 4. TIRED CALLING IT - H- A- L- T ! ( HALT ) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...or it can trigger a slip up. Good thought to keep in mind. Wish I remembered that last nt. So when I screw up I want to hide and shame myself. Seems that as HUMANS when we blow it the first thing we do is { exclude } ourselves from the very thing that we desperately need - LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT & SUPPORT. In short - being restored Maybe baggage from life where we feel we need to punish ourselves when we've been BAD. One thing I have learned around here is that this is a group of very INCLUSIVE ladies. It is safe to come here when we are good , bad or ugly And we will find others who are struggling just like we are. In that commom bond there is comfort, relief and hope that we can get up dust ourselves off and saddle up. Nobody has it together all the time. Let's have a group HUG and all dust ourselves off and try again today, shall we? with love, Mary

Diane - you are so worthy to be here! We all have behaviours that got us to be morbidly obese - those don't change over night and like you said, WLS is not a cure-all. We're here for you and we want to help. Michelle