The Perils of Being Cute!

Hi guys! It's been a while since I've posted, but I had to share my recent experience with you all--it's a good warning. Last night, I went out with my friends to a "lounge" (read: bar). Since my surgery, I do drink alcohol (although my Doctor doesn't recommend), but not at all to the extent I indulged pre-op. When we arrived, I ordered a vodka/cranberry (a standard drink for me because it has no fizzies, you can sip it for a loooong time). About 1.5 hours later, I ordered another one. About the time I ordered my second drink, a guy ambled over to the bar where me and my group was and started chatting with me. I set my drink down on the bar and turned my back to it, so I was facing the guy who was talking to me. Because it was so loud in there, we were talking right in one another's ear, and he reached around me and was leaning on the bar as he was talking to me. After a bit of conversation, I turned around and grabbed my drink, took a couple of sips, and set it back down. He started talking to me again, but I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying, because I started feeling just *awful.* I started getting tunnel vision--a sure sign I'm about to pass out (which I've never actually passed out before, but after giving blood a few times, I've gone to gray until I've sat down). I told the guy I needed to go to the bathroom, but he was kinda blocking my way. I went around him and took a couple of steps, but he was sticking with me as I walked... And then next thing I remember, I'm being lifted off the ground in the middle of the bar. My friends all swooped in around me and half carried, half dragged me to a chair, got me some water and then actually walked me out of the club to get some air. The guy came with us. I couldn't believe I'd passed out, especially because I was SOBER. I'd been two sips into my second drink of the night over 2 hours at the bar--not a reason to pass out. My friends thought maybe I was dehydrated (it's been so hot here in DC), but I drink so much water every day (and keep track of it) I knew that couldn't be it. While we were outside (me, five of my friends, and this guy), he is telling my friends that he was "this close." To what, I'm thinking? In the meantime, I sat on the edge of a big potted plant outside and I'm just trying to wrap my mind around what just happened--why did I pass out? This guy keeps talking to my friends for a few minutes (I'm ignoring him completely) and then goes to leave, but wants to say goodbye to me. He grabs my head and goes in for a full-on kiss, which I shake him off (he kisses my cheek instead). I'm thinking why are you trying to kiss me in front of all my friends after I just passed out? He says something to one of my friends about getting "shut down" and she says, I think you were being a little forward! He says his goodbyes and walks off. My friends bundle me into another friends car and drive me home. When I got home I had a little something to eat, drank another half bottle of water (I drank a full bottle of water right after I passed out--one of the bouncers handed my group a bottle of $8 Voss water to give to me!) and went to bed. This morning, I was woken up at 9am by my friend and his wife, checking on me. When I said I was fine, he told me that everyone had been talking and they think the guy slipped a drug into my drink! Funny, I said, that's what *I* think too!! I've since talked to almost everyone of my friends who were there last night, and everyone seems to think that the guy I was talking to was very odd acting and sketchy and I was probably drugged. Literally, I talked to the guy for 5 minutes, total, if that, before I passed out. I left my drink behind me unattended for maybe a minute or two total. I'm a smart, aware girl. I live in a big city, and I know how to take care of myself. I can't believe that I really may have gotten slipped a mickey! I was relating this story to one of my friends (who wasn't there) and she chastised me for leaving my drink--she was like, "duh, Jem, you KNOW better." And it's true, I DO know better. But that's when it hit me--all of those rules about date rape and being careful walking at night and all of the safety talks ingrained into single women from high school on have NEVER applied to me before. I didn't ever have to worry about getting drugged at a bar--being 330 pounds ensured that I never would! I didn't worry about walking home late at night--who rapes a 330 pound woman? I can't use my body as a shield anymore! With all of the positive changes and all of the *wanted* male attention I now get, I need to add back into the mix the common sense advice I have ignored for so long as "does not apply to fat chicks." On the bright side, as I told my friend, it's sort of a compliment to know that you are cute enough to drug, right? Luckily, I have some amazing friends--not one but FIVE immediately came to my rescue last night! Lesson learned, though. I will only be drinking from a sippy cup from now on! I post this as a warning--maybe you too have hid behind your weight like I did...but you MUST be careful now!! Jem 330/184/165/150 Pre-op/Current/Normal BMI/Goal Still trying to make that final 34 pounds go away...but now, it's going slowly.

OH MY GOD....Jem... I am so happy that your friends where there with you. I am sorry you had to go through that. Isn't a shame how after being heavy for so long we take it as a compliment when someon wants to rape us? I know you were joking but this situation could ahve turnrd out so much worse. Well now that that has happened to you it never will again because you will be more aware and on the look out. I hope this serves as a warning to everybody to be careful and DTA (don't trust anybody). You should post this on the main board too. Best wishes to you and I am glad you are unharmed. Take care, Hugs, Stef

Wow Jem , What an experience ! I am so glad you were surrounded by caring friends. But really glad Prince Chaming didn't succeed at his little horn rimmed plot. Don't you feel violated? What a Lizard Good to get the warning out... and that you are ok. Mary

Hey Jem, I am so glad you have outstanding friends. I can't believe the guy was aggressive enough to attempt something like this knowing you had friends around. I definitely think you are on the right track, and the guy was up to something illegal. I agree with your comments about hiding behind your weight for protection while other women have to be more "conscious of their surroundings". My business partner has always offered to buy the admin gals in our office pepper spray or another form of defense for those winter nights when it gets dark at 4:00 p.m. I think it's good for everyone to be safe, but I always shrugged off the thought of keeping myself safe. It's the same idea. Who's gonna bother this short obese gal? They'd rather look the other way than confront me. Yes, I know some crimes can happen to anyone, but I was perfectly fine walking by myself at night -- I would just know who was around me, etc. Now that I've lost weight, it's not that I feel more vulnerable, but I do need to relearn those items that other women know by default. I don't have many opportunities to be in a social single setting (married for 10 years, been together for 18), but nevertheless, I will think twice now about turning down a man's offer to be a gentleman and walk me to my car, etc. Before I would automatically turn it down, partly because I would think "who would want to hurt me -- I might be able to squash 'em" and partly because I would think that I'm just not worthy of the thoughtfulness. Well, things are changing, and I am taking advantage of the thoughtfulness when it comes around. Very interesting point! I'm so glad you are safe! Angie

Jem - this is so bizarre because I write an article for our local military newspaper here and my next article is about "don't be a victim" and one of my recommendations is to always be aware of your surroundings and making sure that there is someone with you that you completely trust. This is a great example of exactly what I was talking about and why. I'm so glad that you are okay and nothing more came of it. If you could identify this guy, I would definitely consider pressing charges! Michelle

I can definitely, definitely confirm that you are indeed very cute but... wow, what a story. Utterly scary. I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm so glad that you were out with smart friends who took the best care of you possible. Thanks for sharing your story. A good word of warning for us all. I don't know that I ever thought about my safety being different when I was what seemed to me to be invisible as a morbidly obese woman. You have definitely given me some mighty "food for thought". Hugs, Kathy

Wow ! What an experience, I am happy that you are ok, and that you werent out any longer. Thank heavens you were with friends, and not a lone. Thanks for the wake up call, I always take my drink with me! ALWAYS, and not to say my firends arent trustworthy, theyre gonna be watching theirs before mine.

OMG I am so glad you had friends there looking out for you. Wow, this could have been an ugly story! I know what you mean though, who would want to bother with this fat old lady. But my husband insists upon me taking some pepper spray when my friend and I go walking. He's right, we are on mountain roads where houses are few and far between and there is no way we could adequately protect ourselves. We do try to make sure we go when there are other people out and about. Thanks for the heads up, many of us still see ourselves as "fat" and don't see what others see. Linda

Geez, woman, how freaking scary... I'm SO glad you're ok! I was at our local hangout a couple of weeks ago and there were some guys there I hadn't seen before who kept trying to get me to do shots with them. I did one and immediately knew I shouldn't have - went straight to my head... Typically, I'd sit around and drink water and BS with the bartenders until I could take myself home (it was pretty early) but one guy made a comment, and for the life of me, I couldn't tell you specifically what he said, but it made me VERY uneasy, like they were trying to get me good and drunk... I immedeiately decided to just call home and have someone come get me rather than risk sitting in the bar with these guys... Crazy...

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. Yeah, I AM really lucky that I have an amazing bunch of friends who would never have let it get any further than it did that night. It was a big, big wake-up call to readjust my behaviors to match the increasing dangers my new body poses! Hopefully we can ALL learn from MY mistake and not have to experience this for ourselves! Jem