Okay, I'm gonna vent!
I try to be positive in my messages, but, I feel really angry right now and I think you guys will be able to relate.
This morning as I was rushing to a meeting, I was stopped for speeding. The officer said I was doing 45 in a 30 or something like that. He asked me for my license. He told me to find my registration and insurance, then went to call in my license. He came back and said, "you obviously don't weigh 350 lbs." I said, no I don't, I've had a gastric bypass and have lost 150 lbs. (My license never reflected my highest weight of 384). He said, that is obvious to me and you look so good I'm not going to give you a ticket. Ok, so I should be happy right? Well, I'm not, but, I didn't say anything to him. I'm not happy, because I took it as well, if I was still at my high weight, I would have got the ticket, right? That ticks me off. I keep finding more examples of fat discrimination now that I'm down 150 lbs then when I was still fat. Men treat me so much differently! I, of course, don't want the ticket, am I wrong to be mad about this?
Lori
I would look at it this way... lots of times cops will let you off with a warning just because you're a decent person, you don't have any warrants, etc... unless you copped an attitude, your paperwork wasn't in order or had something wrong with your car, he was probably going to let you off, anyway. The comment about the weightloss was probably just an 'aside' - trying to be nice....
Was it appropriate? No, but I don't think he was trying to imply that you would have gotten a ticket at 384 pounds. He was probably just thinking, "Gee, here's this nice lady, never been in trouble, hard working, look how's she's bettered her life..."
I know people tend to act differently after we've lost the weight, but how much of that is purely physical and how much of that is percieved? And how much of that is in response to us behaving differently? I'm not suggesting we're not the same people inside we've always been, but I think we tend to project ourselves a bit differently when we feel better and have a little more self-confidence. I think about this all the time, actually, because I often question why strangers behave certain ways and wonder if they would have behaved the same 'before".
I guess what I'm saying is, be thankful you didn't get the ticket - it would have cost a doozy at 15 mph over - and let it go... In the great scheme of things, a social faux-pas like he made shouldn't ruin your day.
It's so ironic, isn't it? To be PO'd at *good* treatment because we're more "acceptable". But, in this case, I agree with Becky Sue. I think that the officer was just letting you off like they do sometimes -- I'm sure you were quite polite in your usual way -- and was just very klutzy in his method.
Eileen
resident OH-Nazi (I think I'm just giving up on the main message board)
Definitely missed feelings on this one.
One on hand it is nice that the officer recognized the differences and in his own way congratulated you on your success. But you do have to wonder if you looked exactly as the license shows... would he have been as kind regarding the ticket itself. I'd like to hope so.
Kathy
Rejoicing 2B free
on 6/30/06 1:01 am - southern states
on 6/30/06 1:01 am - southern states
Hugs Lori, Glad that {for whatever reason} he cut you a break. Cuz a ticket would've just messed up your coming holiday, pts. on your ins and a fee $$$ Sometimes I wish we could read peoples minds...but on second thought...maybe it's better we can't.
We love ya, gal. Mary
My My....
Are we turning into a cynical lot? I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he has been thru this journey, maybe someone close to him is contemplating WLS..... regardless, he was nice, efficient, and behaved as a human being. Believe me, Police Officers don't always have the most "understanding, compassionate natures".... Sometimes just the nature and routine of the job turns them into tyrants or robots.
As to whether people in general treat you better now that you are a more "normal" weight? Of course they do... Human nature is human nature. We are pre-programmed to look for a certain kind of face, a certain body type... the perfect "mate".... The media has taken this to the extreme level. I find myself checking out both men and women these days and mentally cataloging their attributes and flaws. Does this change how I interact with the individuals? No... (God, I hope not).
I believe that I have a long way to go in my interaction with others, but my major fault isn't someone's physical presence, it's their intelligence. "I'm sorry, I'll get nicer when you get smarter."
See Lori, You've opened a can of worms...
I'm glad you didn't get a ticket. I hope that some of the "men" that are treating you differently are just doing so because you have a new aura. A new pride/confidence that makes you more attractive to those around you. When we are happy, others feel that happiness and respond in kind. I'm sure you've heard the adage, "Smile and the world smiles with you?" Maybe that's what you are experiencing these days?
Have a safe holiday.
Kate Z :dance
Kate,
I have a similar problem having patience with those I deem not as intelligent as moi.
I still don't quite know what to think about my interaction with the Police Officer. I posted this same message on the BMI over 50 board and every comment was in agreement with me that they have experienced a high level of discrimination for being super morbidly obese and that life has changed dramatically for them now that they are in the more "normal" range of weights.
As far as the way other "men" are treating me, I do think my overall attitude and always present smile, makes me seem open to be approached. I just know I wasn't smiling when the cop stopped me!
Anyway, thanks for all your comments...it is an interesting thing. One I hope to get better at as time goes on.
Lori