Time for some honesty...

So, I've been keeping something bottled up inside me for a while now, and I'm going to come clean... I'm not being very responsible about my eatin habits, lately. I think I'm getting ****y. Like most of you, the weight loss has pretty much evened out and I think I'm pretty much where I'm going to end up. I fluctuate between 151 and 155. I'd love to see 149, just to say I did, but if I don't, I'm okay with that. And, with all honesty, if I'm able to get PS, I know I probably will. But I feel like eating-wise, I'm slipping. Not in WHAT I'm eating, I still do well there, protein first, lots of fruit and veggies, a few carbs, some days more than others, but for the most part, I do okay. But, I feel like I'm eating a lot MORE than I should... And more often. I've been very conscious of low blood sugar because I've had a couple of pretty serious dips and it scares the crap out of me. I get in the habit of eating every 2-3 hours to make sure it doesn't happen. But I feel like I'm giving myself permission to eat too much... And I feel like some meals are huge compared to what I was eating before. I don't measure my food anymore and over the last few weeks, there's been times where I've eaten to the point of total discomfort, knowing the whole time I'm eating too much. You know that feeling you used to get after Thanksgiving dinner when you KNOW you've eaten more than you need to, but everything tastes so good, you just keep eating and before you know it you feel like you're going to explode? Well, I've been there, done that recently. A couple of times... Granted, in the great scheme of things, it's really not anywhere close to what I ate pre-op, but still... It's the behavior that's bothering me. Everytime the scale swings up towards 155, I get soooo nervous that it's not going to stop and it's going to keep crawling upwards. On the upside, I'm FINALLY getting my period, which is, oh, 3 months late... lol and I know that it's wreaking havoc with me physically and emotionally. I'm hoping that I'll get back to being my normal freak-self once it's over... lol... but to be honest, I'm scared I'm starting to allow myself some bad habits. Not looking for pity, assurance or permission to be an f-up. Just trying to verbalize what's been running around in my head.... I know if I can't tell you guys, I can't tell anybody.

First of all, congrats on finally getting your period. I know that has been driving you batty. I hope things regulate for you soon and you get into a good rhythum. I definitely hear you on the rest of this. This is definitely a day to day struggle. Been doing a little evening grazing the last two nights and seeing it on the scale too. Sadly, eating hurts me and I don't understand why I'm overdoing activities that cause me more discomfort. Glutton for punishment? Or just glutton? LOL! Yesterday in response to a main message bost post someone wrote that they will be writing and publishing a book called "How to F up a good surgery". I love that! I asked if I could order an advanced copy and she said "Sure thing and it's be ridiculously inexpensive since I don't have any business sense". Excellent! Hugs, Kathy

Saw that post this morning when I was browsing.... Very funny... That was sort of what prompted me to finally post this... I'm just frustrated with myself... I don't feel I'm in "danger" yet, but I already struggle with wanting to lose "just a little more" and then I compensate that by eating more and more... Today, as I packed my lunch, I realized I've been packing too much, so I have a choice, cuz I'm not sure what I'll feel like eating. What I was actually doing though, was eating everything I was packing... So today, I only packed enough for what I needed - no picking/choosing cuz I wasn't being that choosy... lol

"no picking/choosing cuz I wasn't being that choosy" I totally and utterly understood that! Makes perfect sense to me. My eating at work is very controlled. I sip on my protein drink on the way to work and I have protein to make in the afternoon. Breakfast and lunch is packed. Usually it is enough for a couple of days and that is okay with me. I do stop eating at points and I cannot say I overeat during the day. It is the evenings where my time is more unplanned and unstructured that can be an issue for me. I honestly think it is boredom eating. It is nothing huge but I think the cals just plain add up. A piece of cheese here, two rykrisp crackers w/ butter, another piece of cheese, etc. I need to plan for my evenings again. Kathy

Honesty appreciated! I've done that indeed...step away from the food Ana! It's hard, especially when your family can eat whatever and whenever and not have any weight issues. I too don't measure and just kinda eye everything. I don't like to be uncomfortable...I have this terrible vision in my head of my pouch exploding if I take extra bites and that actually keeps me from eating more, lol. Whatever works right? I do serve myself on a small plate. But it looks like you're taking control of that. With your period in havoc that might have something to do with your eating maybe too? Those hormones ya know! (I have an IUD and these last few months I don't have a period, and that's starting to drive me crazy!!! Hubby has a vasectomy appt. coming up next month...then the IUD is OUTTA here!)Too much info, I know. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you for your honesty, Becky. And just so ya know, I've made up the period for you! I'm in the middle of my 2nd one in the last 3 weeks! My eating cycles kind of go in spurts. I've been SOOOO incredibly busy this week that I'll eat bfast in the morning around 8 and not eat again until around 4 or 5 and then eat again around 8 or 9. But then other days I'll eat religiously every 3 hours like checking the clock at the 2 hour and 30 minute mark and counting down the last 30 minutes just waiting to be able to eat again. I've stopped counting my calories because I'm doing more the South Beach Diet thing and just following what foods are on the program (I have their little book called "Good Carbs, Good Fats" or something like that and I keep mostly to the "Good" and "Limited" foods and stay away from the others - for the most part) which are all good healthy foods. I do sometimes find myself sometimes, though saying, "Ahhh...forget it..." Last night was a perfect example of what you were talking about. I was seriously craving pizza. We were at a bday party last weekend and they had pizza. I had already eaten a good, healthy spinach salad before I went to the party so I wasn't hungry, but I did take one bite of hubby's pizza and it was SOOOOOOOO good! All week I'd been thinking about that pizza, so last night I ordered it for dinner. I had 3 slices of the LARGE pizza (the crust is very thin and my slices were pretty small - I picked out the smallest ones, but still - THREE slices! CRUST AND ALL!!) and then one right before I went to bed. And not good, healthy, mushroom pizza like I usually order, but the leave your plate greasy, need a napkin to eat it, loaded with pepperoni pizza. So, yes, I see what you're saying about being able to eat a lot more than before and it is pretty scary. We are all at the point now where WE are responsible for our surgery and what we do with our tools. It's a scary point, but we all knew it was coming at some point. Here we are folks, in the land of responsibility! Michelle

OMG, Michelle you made me have a flashback. We're never been a pizza eating family even pre-op (hubby doesn't care for it, odd for a man isn't it?lol). Anyway, we ordered pizza and I usually get one slice and if I'm still hungry I'll the toppings off another but that's it because I'm usually full. However, I was able to eat 2 slices, crust and all. The crust was a normal handtossed, not pan or thick and they were not big slices but still I was like, WHOA! I didn't even feel stuffed after that but I sure did stop! Very scary indeed as you pointed out! Now I won't be touching those giant slices at the mall! Those are huge!

I luv it when we're honest! Congrats on that period....I totally know how you feel, and like Michelle said, we knew this time was coming....I get hell a confused and (happy) when one day I can eat a whole plate o something, and the next, I can't finish a quarter of anything....

Hi Becky, I sure understand how you feel. I have the same struggles and fears. We do need to stay on top of this as so many patients do gain a lot of their weight back. This awareness and fear should keep us motivated. I still have more to lose, so I feel I have to work extra hard. My body is taking its sweet time though. Big Hugs, Lori