Some Funny MD Stories
A medical trade journal asked subscribers for their funny stories.
Here are some of the best submissions:
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A man comes running into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to
the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs,
and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest
wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," the patient replied remorsefully.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the
20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even
read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish
the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
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During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six
hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him
quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of
complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty
years--when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's
your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the
woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
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And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly
said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you? "She replied,
"No doctor, but the song you were whistling was
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
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TGIF!!!
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