My husband and I agreed to a trial seperation lastnight. He is depressed and has fought with depression throughout our relationship. I have always been there for him, to handle all of the day to day issues he couldn't and to pick up all the slack. I feel like I did it because I felt so bad about me and so desperate not to be alone that I had to make absolute sure that he needed me and could not live without me. Then I had surgery. I fixed the outside of me and it gave me hope (and also brought into the forefront) all the issues inside me that I felt a new confidence I could tackle. I have been working on my codependency issues and self worth issues and am starting to make real progress at standing up for what I want and need. My husband, however, is not ready to grow and change. This has made the chasm between us bigger and bigger. I'm not mad at him. I believe we all have a choice (if we want) to wallow in whatever stage we are at until we are ready to fix ourselves for our own sake. I love him and feel that through the way I was acting toward him and the dependency I forced him to have on me that I have also stalled his progress in recovery and growth. Basically right now I believe we love each other too much to stay together and continue to limit each other. But it hurts so bad to be enlightened.... to not just float along and pretend its all okay. I am so upset, so sad... my best friend isn't going to be there every day. I asked him to stay here in the house with me... for us to work on raising our daughter in the same house and he replied (because he knows lobster is my favorite food) "Would you want to sit across a table from someone eating lobster?" Like he is so jealous of how much I have been able to deal with some of my own issues and wishes he could have the strength to do that himself. I feel for him, I just can't be the martyr anymore. This is breaking my heart but also feels like a relief. And that makes me feel even worse. I wish I could be stronger and be able to give him what he needs.... but that is the old me talking. What I know he really needs is to be self-reliant... to get his own self-worth back. To believe in his ability to grow and heal. And I don't know if we can be in the same house while he does that... we are too set in 8 yrs of patterns. I just need a hug guys. I need a hug and to cry and cry and cry (and I have). I thought nothing but good would come from this change. And I know this IS good.... we had an unhealthy relationship. But it was also a very close loving understanding relationship that we both tried so hard to get right.

I hope everyone has had a great weekend. No swimming for me this weekend, it has actually been snowing off and on, lol. B- 1 cup shredded wheat with 1/2 cup milk L- protein drink S- 1 serving of s/f choc pudding with 1/2 a scoop of unjury unflavored protein powder mixed in it D- 1 small potato roasted, with 3 oz of roast, one serving of s/f jello I might have another protein drink later, or a dtour protein bar if I get hungry.- Melissa

My doctor and I never discussed a goal weight. My goal weight is 210. I am about 50 lbs away from that having lost about 180 pounds so far. I have been loosing inches faster than pounds so I am pretty sure that I have gaining muscle mass. I have my 1 year appointment in a couple of weeks. I have a list of questions and his goal weight is one of them.

I'm actually 11 mo today (5/24) and here's my stats. Height 5'5" (start) Height 5'6" (Now) start weight 349 weight today 197 goal (personal) 175 goal (Doctor) 150 I've lost 152 lbs and HAPPY!!! My doctor said there's no reason I can't get to his goal by September but if I'm happy with the way I look at 175 then at that point he'll start the insurance process for plastics. (I'm not 100% sure I want him to do my plastics - I think I want a specialist who can know how to make the scars minimal.) Everyone's done fantastic! I'm PROUD that I've had this surgery! I'm PROUD of everyone for taking charge of their lives!!! Much Dee Dee

B- 1 cup shredded wheat and 1/2 cup milk L- protein drink S- detour protein bar D- I will be having 4 oz of roast, with half a very small potatoe roasted, and 1/4 cup of spinach If I get hungry later I will have a small serving of s/f jello. I have had 60oz of water so far, and plan on drinking at least 20 more ounces.- Melissa