Why Do I Sabotage Myself?

I had been doing so well, I only had 5 pounds left to lose. I got really depressed this past week, and this weekend I really turned to food....I can't do this to myself. I ate all sorts of chips, candy, cookies, etc. Today I am back on track, but in the meantime, why do I do this to myself? I gained 6 pounds over the weekend. I know part of that is because I just got my period late last night, but a few pounds are from all the jun****pt consuming. I asked my hubby to please be supportive and don't let me eat those things. If he see's me grab them, tell me not to eat them. He said he hates to do that because he feels like he's nagging me, like my mom always did. I told him that I don't care. I am scheduled for my reconstructive surgery 9/22, and I really need to lose my last 5 pounds...now last 11 pounds. I hope that by next week, I can at least lose the 6 pounds that I gained this past weekend. I am going to eat 2 protein shakes a day every day, and only protein. No carbs at all, unless it is my healthy snack, like nuts or whatever. No sweets (This is my major downfall). and lots of water. I am also going to get back into a regular exercise routine. I even packed my gym bag and brought it with me, this way, I don't have to go home. I had said I would exercise, then I would go home, and not want to get my butt back out of the chair. This way, I have no exuse, just go do it!! Is anyone else out there having trouble? I sure does get harder after our 1 yr anniversary. I CANNOT let DEPRESSION put me back to my old ways!! I have to get over that and find something else to do instead of eating! I need your help too, I usually don't come on here asking for help either, but I am just in the dumps lately. Words of encouragmement are always good. Sorry this is so long! Hope this week is a good one for EVERYONE!!! Tricia

Don't beat yourself up Tricia. You're only human. I did the same thing last weekend. I'm happy to say by going back to basics the extra poundage came off. I'm now back to being 10 pounds away from goal. It does get harder the further out you get. Depression doesn't help either. With my depression I always turned to food. Now I try to at least binge on high protein foods like protein bars. Frito Lay makes a Munchie Mix that the stats aren't too bad on that satisfys the chip craving. Detour bars taste like Snicker bars to me. I just try to find foods that I can "trick" my mind with. Feel free to email me anytime if you need someone to vent to or just chat with. Maggie

Thanks Maggie, I should definately work on munching on protein foods instead of the junk. Where do you find Detour bars? I've never even heard of those. They sound good. Thanks for your support! Tricia

They are good. I find them at Walmart in the pharmacy area with the rest of the protein bars. I think they are very good. They have nuts, caramel, nougat and chocolate and pack 15g of protein for the 1.5oz bar. Maggie

Hey Tricia, I'm going through what you did last weekend. I'm pmsing and eating like I shouldn't. I was about 6 from goal and then got up to 15 from goal. I'm 10 from goal right now and plan on getting these stubborn things off. I know I'm pmsing when I go from eating crushed ice, to drinking coffee, and then honey roasted nuts. Ugh!!!! We just gotta wake up the next day and do it right. Christie

Christie, I know you're right, but for me, pmsing just isn't an excuse to put on more than 4 pounds. I did really good with my eating yesterday, and am down 2 pounds this morning. Now if I keep this up, hopefully I will be back to where I was last week, and the next week, especially when my period is gone. And, if I keep working hard, I can get rid of my last 5 pounds in the next couple of weeks as well. I am trying so hard because I am scheduled for my reconstructive surgery on 9/22. I had it in my mind that even if I didn't lose another pound, I was happy, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to lose the last 5 pounds. Even though I will have approximately 10 pounds of skin removed (per my surgeon), I still want to feel my best physically and mentally for this surgery. I am going to have alot done, and all at one time, so I need to be strong, and get out of my depression. Coffe isn't bad, if it's decaf. (At least that's what I;m told). I drink at least 12 ounces of decaf coffee every morning. Then I drink my water and decaf Ice Tea for the day. Yesterday I worked out. I did 1.70 on the treadmill, that was for 28 minutes, and then I did 150 sit ups. Today I am going back to working out again, and going to try to add 10 minutes on the stair machine. Tricia

Hey Tricia, Just relax and remember to treat your body well. I really don't use PMS as an excuse for anything. However, I am a realist and realize my body chemicals are certainly different during that time of the month. I am thrilled you are going to be able to have surgery to remove your extra skin. I was blessed and worked out lots and have little skin issues. I know it must be exciting to be completing that part of your journey soon. Good Luck! Christie

Try hard to not beat yourself up. It seems that the guilt and self-abuse lead to more depression and feelings of worthlessness, which make us feel powerless over our eating, which in turn leads to overeating, which leads to guilt and self-abuse. You can't expect yourself to be perfect. You will make mistakes. While there are a few souls on this board who CAN manage to have no sweets, I think it's an unrealistic expectation. I think that exercise is incredibly important, but I don't think it should be used as a punishment. I can see why your husband is hesitant to nag you-he is a helpless witness to your self-abuse, watching you be mean to someone he loves. Naturally, when I say all of this, I mostly am referring to myself, and I hope you won't take offense if it really doesn't apply to you (I just sort of thought I saw some similarities). I sincerely doubt that you gained six pounds of FAT over one weekend. I once read that the most you could realistically gain in a week was something like 2 lbs (the rest just gets pooped out). You're probably just retaining water. You have already conquered over 100 lbs. 5 or 11 lbs, either way, it's a manageable chunk. It won't come off overnight, and it may not come off by your reconstructive surgery date. If it doesn't, this does not make you a bad person, or a weak one, or an undisciplined wreck. It just makes you HUMAN. You will succeed, but it's essential that you give yourself credit for all the self-discipline, hard work, exercise, and good things you do for yourself. Focus on your strengths-you have so many!! Hugs, Susan