1 yr rebirth today UPDATE!!!

Hello you all. First let me say thanks again Dedee for the post wishing me a happy B-day. Thank you all for posting to it and the wishes are well recieved. Oh my God where do I begin. I was 29 and 304 lbs wearing a 28 womans of course. I was depressed and just a angry unhappy person. I went to work and home and the only outings my kids and I had was to the grocery store. I even hated the malls!!! I didn't date much and was really rather self distructive. Life was heading only 1 way for me and that was down. When I originally went for this surgery I had United Healthcare and they didnt cover it after I was told they did. So I had to wait a whole year to start my process. I did research that whole time and that is when I joined this board in early 2003. I was not going to let nothing stop me from being whole agian. My children were probably becoming as depressed as I was when we couldn't even make it to church. I always felt like people were staring and talking about me. I couldn't eat in public. I hated me. I had high blood pressure, PCOS, diabetic, you name it.... I was only 29 Well 1 yr later look at me now. I am 30 and loving life. MY kids are happy and love the new mommy. My daughter hugged me on mothers day and for the first time really noticed the new me cuz she said in surprise, "Mommy did you see that" I said, "No baby what, still laughing from her hug" and she replied, "My arms are all the way around you and I am holding my hands" I guess I never really really explained exactly what this surgery was doing to mommy. It's only been a year but that is funny how well our kids adjust. I vowed to let go and let God and be happy. To allow myself to trust again. To allow myself to be happy, and not sabatoge everything in my life that was good like I did b4. Hence the new fiance in my life. God has blessed me this year. I am now 160 lbs thats a loss of 144 lbs. I am stuck at 160 for the past few months but I am really happy at this point. My braces are off, that is also something I did for the new me. I was always a outcast at school. Didnt have many friends. I didn't talk to people. I barely said hello. But someone at work pointed out that I talk more. Hmmm of course, I have something to talk about these days. I want to also point out the some folks whom I have created special bonds with. You are all wonderful. But Kerstin and Dedee, what can I say. Kerstin you were a wonderful friend and thanks for being there. Dedee what a sista you came all the way from Bama to see me in the hospital. Cookie you inspire me to do better everyday, Carlyce my sista thanks for all your kind words and keep holding it down with the Bishop, saw him a few weeks ago. Vanessa Nixon, girl you were right there at that hospital the night I went in for my complication and what love that showed me. Only our support group could show love like that. We come together when it really counts. Jappi thanks for all the great converation, you are a real gentleman and a tru friend. Angee special love to you for inviting me to this group. Where would I be without you. There are so many more but I love you ALL and know that... Sorry so long I just wanted to share me with you all and say What a difference a year makes. I remember when I was waiting on approval and I thought my surgery would never come. I remember all the complications and how I regreted ever doing this. But when all was done and God got me thru, I remember thinking and now knowing this is the best things I could have ever done for me. I am an example of things not all good. I had a hell of a time getting this done. I had a hell of a time in recovery and my complication could have killed me. My recovery was the worst and I cried everyday. I didn't post on the board I was so miserable. So to those whom ready my story with doupt know there is a silver lining if you feel or have felt like me. We all need a story to tell good or bad. Mine was the best of both worlds Much Love to you ALL!!!! NAT 160 05/10/04

Congratulations Nat, What a beautifully written story of your journey! You are a beautiful young woman & I am so happy for you. You have been truly Blessed. Wishing you continued success & happiness, Pam RNY 5/13/04 268/155 below goal & maintaining

Hello Pam I am not the only blessed one I see... Thanks for reading this year has been a wonderful journey... I dont post like I use to but we all know what that is like. Still I must update my family on the life now and again when I can. I am reading almost everyday though and I love the stories I read Congrats to you also NAT

Hi Nat, I'm Jerri. I read your post and it brought tears to my eyes. It is so much like my own story. I'm a single mom of a beautiful 11 yr old girl, and 2 years ago I fought every day to find a single reason to go on living. Just one reason each day...just one. I was 275 lbs and despised myself, the world and everyone in it. I had no energy, no ambition, no life. My daughter didn't have much of a life either, because Mommy had NO energy or inclination to do much of anything. I had a sleep study done and to say I had sleep apnea is the understatement of the century. I "slept" a total of 5hrs and 37 minutes during my test. I stopped breathing 157 times for an average of 119 seconds each time. (Grand total of approx 5 hrs and 10 min NOT breathing.) Pretty scary when you think about it. Add to that severe clinical depression and I was a total mess. I was sick and tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have arthritis in my spine, one hip and both knees. With all the extra weight I was carrying around I was lucky I could walk. Then again, I didn't worry about having to walk too far, because I didn't have enough breath to walk more than 100 yards at a time. Well, I've worked long and hard, and as they say...I've come a long way baby! The first thing I did was get myself a good therapist (thank you Rowena wherever you are) and finally found a med that works. Since my depression is caused mostly by a chemical imbalance, I'll be taking it for the rest of my life...but that's ok. That in itself didn't fix it all or make it all go away, but it allowed me to find the frame of mind I needed to be able to finally work things out for myself. Empowered me to kick myself in the butt, stop feeling sorry for myself and figure out what I had to do to make things better. I decided I wanted to live, but even more than that, I decided I wanted a life. The first thing I knew I needed to do was to get the weight off. I was 40 years old and in serious trouble. Heart disease runs rampant in my family...my mother had a triple bypass at the age of 45, and I was following a bit too closely in her footsteps. I've battled my weight since my teens and have been on every diet known to mankind. Nothing worked for long. I'd get tired of playing the game, pick up my toys and go home. Not only would I gain back whatever I lost, but some additional weight as well. Sound familiar? So, I decided on the roux en y. I knew that this was not the miracle cure, but rather a tool. But it was exactly the tool I needed. This is what I needed to do, in order to be able to make the commitment to myself to change my lifestyle for the better...for good. I knew that once I had the surgery, there was no turning back. (yeah, yeah, I know, there are way around the surgery, but let's not go there) I took the option of giving up away from myself. Once this was done, I could NOT say...gee, I don't want play anymore. I had my surgery on May 6, 2004 at the age of 41. Here I am, one year later, almost 100 lbs lighter and 100 percent healthier! I went from a size 28-30W to a Missy 14-16. I have about another 40 lbs to lose to be at my goal. *laughing* I'm still amazed that I can walk into most stores and buy something "off the rack" and have it fit. I really had to laugh at your daughter's comment about hugging you because about 6 months after the surgery my daughter had said almost the exact same thing to me. She hugged me and said, "Wow! Now I can hug ALL of you, not just part of you!" My darling boyfriend of 4 1/2 years has literally been with me through thick and thin. Even though he didn't agree with the surgery, he supported my decision and stood by me all the way. We are now looking for a house where he, my daughter and myself can all live together happily ever after and be a real family. Who says that fairy tales can't come true? Sorry about the length of this post, I didn't really mean to pour it all out like that, but it seems as though once I began writing I couldn't stop. Congrats Nat on your "re-birthday", and congrats to all of you who were strong enough to be reborn. ~Jerri~ (who feels like a McDonald's commercial...cuz "I'm lovin' it!") 275/186 reborn 5/6/05

Hey Jerri sorry took me so long to respond my computer is down at home and I am on at work now. Well looks like I am not the only one with a story. We all have a different story to tell cuz there is always someone who needs to hear it. I tell you when my sleep study was done and I stopped breathing over 275 times I was like WHAT!!! I am sooo glad to be on the other side. Dont our kids just say the darndest things. They are so precious. Your lucky to have someone there by your side. I had no one and it was hard. I would do it all over again though. The man in my life is wonderful and I thank god for him daily but it took a minute to get there. I am just happy to see my 1 year out ya know. Never thought it would be here but here we are... Kudos to you also girl. Thanks for the post and I loved reading your story. Gonna go check out ya profile now.. NAT