Space Issues

Lately, it struck home in the most unusual way that I am no longer morbidly obese. I work in an office building with small elevators and hall space, and I find that I bump into people a lot. That *never* used to happen. It finally occurred to me why this is: people no longer see me and automatically move out of my way. Over the years, I've grown accustomed to this, so when I come face to face with someone, I assume that the other person is going to move out of my way. This is no longer true. I have to make a conscious effort to move out of the way, especially with men, who themselves seem to assume that others will move for them. Unless "others" is a fat woman. I'm both thrilled with this realization, and offended This is a feeling that I've also had to grow accustomed to, as I find that my current, and especially new relationships have completely changed. Part of it is certainly my improved self esteem, but that's not the only explanation, nor do I think it's the central one. It strikes me now more than ever how prejudiced society is towards fat women. I know that I'm not alone in this. Anyone else care to share their experiences? I am 5'6" and as of today, I weigh 156 lbs. I'm thrilled with my weight loss, and will be happy if I do not lose any more (so long as I don't gain).

Hi Traci, Thanks for the interesting post. As someone who's been fat and thin(ish) and fat again repeatedly, I too am very sensitive to the way people treat fat people differently. For me though the difference is in how much smarter I seem to be when I'm thin. It's odd how when I'm heavier, people don't seem to value my work or my opinion very much -- there's a big discount applied to fat people. When I'm thin, suddenly people are looking me in the eye and listening to what I say and taking it seriously. What's up with that???? And yes, part of it is improved self-esteem -- but I think that's not the largest part. A friend told me recently that I "radiate self-confidence" now -- but inside I'm just as insecure as I've always been. I just look better. Weird, huh? Hopefully those of us who know what it's like on both sides of this great divide will remember ourselves as fat, and not fall into the same prejudices as other never-been-there people. Donna 5'4", 158 lb today (formerly 256)

That is so funny that you say this. I had my surgery May 18, 2004 and I weighed 242lbs. Now ten months later I am 138lbs and I wear a size 6...lol. I don't remember the last time I was a size 6. I have recently seperated from my husband of 8yrs and I am new to this whole dating scene. I will be 31 in June and I have had more offers in the last 3 months than I have had in most of my life...lol!! I do realize that the weight loss has boosted my self esteem, however, men are very superficial when it comes to the appearence of a women. Unfortunately that is the way society is. I have two children and that seems to be my biggest obsticle right now with dating. Most men my age are either not ready for an instant family, or they want their own kids and I think that I am done having children. I work too many hours to have anymore children. I also do not want to ever battle with my weight again and I am afraid that having another child will have an effect on that. With regard to your other topic, space is no longer an issue for me either. My king size bed has become a little to big for me...lol. I am also far more comfortable sitting in a movie theater seat and booths at diners ect. It is amazing because I never realized how nice life could be for me and just me alone. I am happy with my decision and I have no regrets at all. I hope that you are enjoying it yourself as well. Stephanie DeVivo Morristown, NJ

I have definately noticed being treated a lot differently by strangers and men in particularly. When I weight 405lbs I almost never had a door held open for me or a stranger smile or stike up a conversation while standing in line at the store...now, i have never been thin so, I didnt really think about it at the time, but now men always hold the door, smile and start up conversations just standing in line at the grocery store...it seems so wierd to me. I also no longer feel like everyone is judgeing me based on my weight...like what's in my shoppiing cart, what I can and cant do or go. Its almost like I felt "invisible" when I was so big, and people tried to ignore me and now it feels strange to start conversations with people i dont know. And being flirted with...now, talk about wierd. I never got flirted with before...so, now that I am thinner and married (LOL) I have men flirting with me all the time...I am sure it doesnt help that my wedding ring doesnt fit anymore either...LOL! Shanna 405/245

I had a similar experience and it has happened again a few times...I start walking somewhere like to my car and I get distracted looking down at something and the next thing I know I crash into something or walk right past my car.....it was so weird but then I realized my brain was not used to compensating for my thinner load and faster stride...it set me on course to get to the goal as if I were walking slower and with more difficulty....only my new body wasn't told!!!! When it first happened I felt so goofy then I figured out what happened and had to just laugh!! Lisa