I feel like an imposter

I went shopping for something to wear to Mom's memorial service. I went to Fashion Bug and told the clerk what I was after and that I was around a size 12. She brought me a bunch of 14's and L's and some 12's and they were too big. She brought a bunch of fashionable cute things to wear that I would never have picked out for myself, after years of frumpy duds. I ended up with a black skirt suit. The skirt is a flouncy mini-skirt (maybe too perky for a memorial service, but I could hear Mom cheering me on, saying, "You go girl! You deserve something young and cute!"). I got a pink striped blouse to wear underneath and some very high heeled loafers. The skirt was a size 10. The blazer (is that what it's called???) and the blouse were both size Medium. My picture loader thingie on my puter is not working and I will have to tend to this after I get back from AZ. Every time I buy clothing I think I've found the ONE exception, the ONE single fluke that says size 10 but really is an 18 or something. I feel like I should apologize for stepping across the Plus Size/ Misses boundary. Like I'm African American and I drank out of the White's Only drinking fountain. Somebody's gonna catch me and lynch me for it, I just know it. Hugs, Susan

Susan, What a coincidence!! I felt the same way buying clothes (in a different environment totally-thrift store) when I fit into a 10/12 jeans--and I nearly fell out!!! My 14 pants are getting big!! Isn't that a great feeling!! And I bet your Mom was saying (just like you said) GO GIRL!!!!!! Hugs Debbie R. 5/7/04 RNY -92 lbs

Susan ... I always feel like I should be shopping somewhere esle .. I gravitate always toward the plus sizes - then it hits me .. your not plus anymore .. the other day I was in the junior sizes and somethings fit . and I was almost scared to ask to try them on ... weird .. I know your mom is looking down in awe of you ... you are beautiful ! Take care , Natalie

Go Susan!! What a great feeling!! I love Fashion Bug!! I love trying on clothes!! I love looking at myself in the mirror!! Ooooo, did I say that?? Think about it...we did not want to look at ourselves in the dressing room mirrors before. They just did not have the right angles on us, did they? But, now, they do. I wonder what they did to those mirrors since last May? Ha!! Jeannie

I too know what you mean! Don't you wonder if our minds eye will ever catch up to reality?? I got the best compliment this morning. I babysit a little girl and her Dad (only 25!!) brought her in this morning and said "wow girl you look like you are still losing. You look almost the same size as shanna (his 23yr old size 6 wife!!). " I about fell over and was just beaming. I have on a pair of fleece jammie bottoms and jammie top...just woke up so I was not trying to look good...lolol It made my day though. I fold laundry and always have to look at the tag to see who's jeans they are because I swear everytime I go to put on my jeans that 'this' there is no way my behind fits in those!! Although I did get brave yesterday and tried on a pair of jeans my young sister-in-law sent to my daughter. They are too big for my daughter since they are a small size 8 but I have been saving them. With a little wiggling and sucking it in...they went on and buttoned!! WOOHOO...not that I would wear them but it was cool to have them on. I bet that outfit looks BEAUTIFUL on you. It sounds so adorable and I can't wait to see pictures. A medium on top...I bet you were in shock. I guess we were like catterpillers and were in the cacoon for too long. Now we have cracked out of it and have emerged as beautiful butterflies! ALthough everyone was beautiful before of course but most of us didn't feel it. I am so happy for you because of the clothes but my prayers go out to you and your family for your loss. Julie S. 265/158/130 TT approved....

Oh tell me about it! I was at Sam's club and they had this great table full of courderoy pants that were just adorable so I start looking through them to find my size (4, which is definitely an affront to any big girl that size 4's even exist, much less fit someone). So the smallest I keep seeing is an 8 and this woman on the other side of the table sees I am digging deep and since she is looking through them too asks what size I was looking for. I told her and immediately she stops talking to me and gets really snappy. She pops off with something like "I just don't think you're going to find anything here." I felt the need to defend myself... to tell her that I wasn't just some dippy little girl that had no idea what it was like to be big. I wanted to rip my shirt up and show off my scar like battle scars proving that I am a veteran. You know, but why should we defend ourselves for being normal? Why should we feel the need? I understand the whole brother/sisterhood of obesity... it is what drove us all here together as May surgery babies and is why this site is on the list of places I go every day. But what are our options, really? Do we martyr ourselves and live miserably just to continue to be accepted by people who are overweight? It sounds funny when it is put like that because the answer, obviously for us, is NO we won't. But we still find ourselves feeling guilty, like the survivors of some horrible accident. I should talk to my therapist about this, LOL.

I know! The last time I went shopping and found out that ALL the size 10 petite's fit me, I bought them all! Good thing I'm not eating much these days because my wallet has been awful skinny ever since. But I'm not complaining. Your mom would be so proud of you! Take care in AZ and stay in touch. Donna 243/163/134

Your mom would be proud and you should to. You've worked hard to get there. I felt the same way for a long time. I used to go to the plus size department first all the time. I could not be convinced that I didn't need that size anymore. It is a great feeling. I promise you won't get lynched. Maggie

Yep, been there with the clothes. Either I got the one miss-sized or it MUST be the new cut of the clothes, not that I am shrinking. Oh I really feel like an imposter in the gym. Especially when I am there longer than the other "thin" folks. LOL I hope things are going with well with you and your family.

I feel the same. I went shopping with a friend recently and I'm in a 14 now so I can shop at regular stores. She is in a 20. We went into Lane Bryant (where I used to spend all my money) and I felt guilty for being in there. Everything in the store was too big. It felt like they were all staring at me thinking "why is she in here". I used to feel that way when I went in regular stores and now it's reversed.. lol. In my mind I'm still a very big girl so I don't really feel like I fit anywhere right now.