struggling to find a goal weight....

hi all.... i had open rny on 5-26-04 and have went from a size 26 to a size 6 and from 271 lbs. to 136 lbs. my problem is that i still see myself as fat and can't seem to get a grip on what a healthy goal weight for me would be. everyone is telling me to stop losing now and that i am getting too skinny,but when i look into the mirror,i still see fat. my surgeon even said last week when i was at the hospital having surgery for a bowel obstruction that i should stop losing now. problem is,how do i convince myself that this is enough?? i said when i had this surgery that i only wanted to get healthy and not worry about what the scale says,but now i obsess over it and can't get it out of my head. i'm thinking i may need to go talk to a professional about this so i can get a grip on what's what here. anyone else having similiar problems?? hugs,tracy

Hi Tracy! First of all, I must say that this is a little freaky~my name is Tracey Wilson too! Also, I had open rny 5/11/04. I believe that what you are describing is called body dismorphic disorder. Don't hold me to that, but I think that I read that some place when I was researching prior to surgery. I would suggest a therapist--someone trained in dealing with people w/ food issues/body image issues. I hope that all works out for you. P.S. Please share how you lost so much so fast. Tracey

Tracey, I'm with the other Tracey aka "Miss Peaches" I want to know how you lost so fast!!! My surgery date was 5-27...I've gone down from 285 to 205, only 80 lbs ;) So, what's your secret I'm not as far along in my loss as you, but I constantly struggle with seeing how I "really" look. From what I've read, it seems to take a while for our brains to catch up with our bodies...people who see me everyday don't see the differences, but it only takes talking to someone who hasn't seen me in month, or sometimes even like 2 weeks and they can see a difference. I don't know how this happens, but it is weird. I don't see how tall you are from you notes above, but according to the Height - Weight ratio, I "should" weigh about 136 too (5"5'). That all along has been my "true" goal, whether or not I get there is yet to be seen I have people tell me though, after learning I've lost 80lbs and would like to loose 70 more, that I shouldn't get too thin. I laugh because I don't ever think that would be possible. I believe that my body will loose until it gets to a comfortable - stable weight and then I'll quit! I'm hoping that happens before May, I'm really looking forward to some plastics happening around October A professional counselor will probably help...you can call your nutrionist for a referral, that would be a good first step (you already are admitting you need help - which is BIG) - take it one step at a time, when you find out how long it takes our brains to catch up let me know!!! Hugs from Kentucky, Michelle

Hi Tracy, I think you do need to talk with a professional. Is your nutritionist happy with your progress? You have lost much too fast according to my doctor's guidelines. What do they say about that? How is your blood work coming back? Too, because of the fact that you've lost this weight so fast your body is trying to adjust. I'm sure you are still losing inches even if you don't lose any more weight. Have you been going to a gym or doing any toning exercises? That should help with the body. Now, if you have a true disorder as far as how you see yourself it might not help any. That is something that will have to be worked out over time with a professional I'm sure. Good Luck to you on this journey. It sounds like your scales have completed this journey, but the rest of you will catch up shortly. Keep the faith...things will be bright and happy soon for you I pray. Christie

We discussed this in my support group a number of times. The RN running the group (and a WLS patient) said it takes about 2-3 years for our minds to catch up with our bodies. To "see" the real you again. There are also a number of issues involved as well. First and foremost is the have a REALISTIC goal. If you're in your 50's let's say and you want to weigh what you did in High School - that's not very realistic. Conversly, there are people who are satisfied with a limited weight loss without reaching their potential. It's a delicate balance. I agree this is where a good third party can help A LOT. Some programs have therapist and/or medical social workers to help you out. On another board there was a posting about an "Ideal Weight" Calculator. http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm You plug in your current weight and it will give you an "Ideal Weight" which is the weight a number of people have said would be their ideal weight if they were to loose weight. They also report your "Medical Recomended" weight based on your BMI for a given height. If you play around with the calculator, start with your Pre-Op weight. Your ideal weight will most likely seem a bit high. But remember it's the ideal weight that if you asked a bunch of people who weighed the same as you. The ideal weight also takes into account age and gender. So for me, I started at 446 - but the calculator only goes up to 440 - I put that in and I get an ideal weight of 300 pounds. Well, I am at 285 now - so if I put that weight in ... I get another ideal weight of 223. Now that does seem quite reasonable. So I set "MY" goal weight to 210. Your medically recomended weight will not change. It's based on your BMI which doesn't change no matter what your initial weight is. For me, my medically recommended weight is 132-174. Personally, I do not think that is reasonable for me.

thx all for your supportive replies to my post. i am planning on seeking professional counseling as soon as i recover from my latest surgery of 11 days ago for a twisted bowel. as far as me losing the weight so fast,i didn't do anything out of the ordinary. i tried to get my water and protein in and did a lot of exercise. the weight just came off at the rate that it did,i am thankful that it did come off,don't get me wrong,i just worry about not being able to see myself as i really am. hugs, tracy

Tracy, this is a bit off subject but how did you know you had the bowel obstruction? was it intense and quick pain or did it come on slowly? I have been having some pain under my ribs and I am just wondering? Thanks and good luck! It is soo hard to see our selves again, I have a very hard time getting rid of clothes that are too big because I just can't believe they are too big! lisa