Pity party at my house!

I really don't know what my problem is...I have my six month follow-up on Dec. 7th...I might ask for an upper gi or something...the scales have been fluxuating (sp?) for 7 weeks now, up and down about 4lbs, not getting below 224. I have to tell you ladies and gentlemen I didn't go into this wanting to loose only 60lbs! I'm ready to have my surgeon do it again! I'm so happy with what's happened so far, but I want MORE!!! I excercise more than I ever have in my life and still nothing...I really don't get it. I know my pouch works, I can't eat much - really 3-4 oz at the most. I'm diligent to get my protien and drink water like I'll run out of it I'm sooooo happy for everyone!!!! But I'm also sooooo jealous. One of the comments my surgeon said before my surgery that he thought was one good quality for me having this surgery was that my weight maintains so well...I weighed the same amount (loosing and gaining, but always back to the original weight) for 8 years. I really think if I could get to my goal weight I will be able to maintain, but my patience is wearing thin (no pun intended ) Thanks for letting me vent! Whoever said no news is good news, didn't know what they were talking about...I love getting junk mail! Michelle

Dear Michelle, I'm sorry to hear that you are not losing like you would like to. Maybe all of the exercise is building muscle which weighs more than fat? And maybe you should speak with a nutritionist-there could be some hidden carbs or fats that you are eating that you aren't aware of. Whatever the reason is, I hope you find it and soon. I understand your frustration and wish you the best of luck in getting to the bottom of it!

Michelle, Have you hit a plateau yet? I have been on 2 so far (surgery 5/5/04) and both times I didn't lose anything for 8 weeks. VERY frustrating. Hang in there, the scales will start moving again. I try and console myself by thinking my skin will recover better the slower I lose. Pam

May I come to your party? I went into this surgery thinking I was going to be the next Carnie Wilson or Al Roker. People were going to see the new slimmer me and just go NUTS with encouragement. Well, that sure didn't happen. Instead, what do people do? People ask me if I have CANCER! The weight loss plus the hair loss [Yep, that was/is fun] - how can I blame them? They say I look 'sick' but I have the best blood work of my recent life -- the only abnormal is my HDL is too low! [How many people can say that!]. Mostly, people just don't say anything at all. After 98 lbs of weight loss, I haven't gotten ONE compliment . . . not even from my husband. In a moment of weakness, I turned to him and asked him why he never says anything about my weight loss. This usually kind and thoughtful man said, "That's why we paid for the surgery, right? This is what was supposed to happen." That lack of support is one of the reasons why I pop 4 Wellbutrin a day - my courage in a bottle! I have none of the negative reinforcements that I wanted from the RNY - I can eat anything in any quantity. I have never dumped, slimed or vomited; I never feel uncomfortably full or bloated. [Constipated, yes - definitely! 6 Colace a day just to have 2 BM's a week that don't rip me open!] Other than the scars, I can't tell that I have had anything done. It feels just like another diet like all the other diets in my life. I don't get hungry but I miss eating, I miss food. I miss the short periods of joy than come from something that tastes good -- I have no periods of joy in my life without the food. Isn't that an awful thing for a seemingly mature, responsible adult to say? The only thing that makes the weight loss possible is my will power. I get up every morning and say "Today, I am going to eat 500 calories or less" and usually I do. I say "Today, I am getting on the treadmill" and a few times a week, I do. Willpower is a temporary power, at best -- it has never kept me on a diet for very long. I live in fear of the day that the little evil voice wins the battle of wills and I dive into the refrigerator! Thursday, I did the big meal for the family - turkey, dressing, gravy, etc, etc. I did all the cooking; no one helped. I sat at the table sipping my protein drink while they are gorged themselves. No one though about how it might feel to be in my shoes -- no one seems to care. I asked my husband if we could do something 'special' to celebrate on the day [soon] that I pass the 100 lb loss point -- he said "Let's go out and have a big meal somewhere!" Gee, thanks, I needed that. I went to one of those WLS support groups once. That was amusing. No one there was thin, no one there was happy -- they were all crazier than we, if that's possible. They were all talking about their ongoing struggles with bulimia, diet pills, alcoholism -- I don't have THOSE kinds of problems so I couldn't really relate. The therapist got around to me and I was as honest as I could be about my feelings. She nailed it! She used to fancy therapeutic terms but basicly said I was feeling marginalized and my needs were not being taken seriously by the important people in my world -- right on! Then she went on to the next person. Hey, wait a minute! Maybe I am not engaging in a life threatening behavior like some of the people in the room but I thought I would get at least a LITTLE more of her time than that! Needless to say, I see no reason to drive an hour each way to get to another meeting. I am getting a little pleasure out of shopping in smaller sizes but, when no one notices, I just get sad. I have a Christmas party that I am supposed to go to so I drug my family to the mall to help me shop. They couldn't have cared less and settled on the first thing they saw. I bought it and came home. So much for sharing in my joy. I wish I didn't have to go to the party at all. Everyone will be eating and drinking and I will be... I will be... heck, I don't know WHAT I will be doing. Standing around making small talk and dashing for the door at the first opportunity, I guess. The last time I went to the bariatric surgeon, he never touched me, barely looked at me and brushed off all my questions. He told me to talk to my family doctor. Ha! My family doctor is Eastern Indian and less than understanding to women in general and to WLS in particular -- his answer was the Wellbutrin. He had a really super Physican's Assistant that had WLS a month after I did -- we used to support each other but, she got fed up with his comments and changed jobs. So much for someone to talk to. So, this is my life. I have two really terrific kids, a comfortable home, no major worries, live like a monk and throw myself into work to get through the empty days -- I guess that is all I had at 283 lbs and it is all I will have when I reach my weight loss goal. If I thought I was going to be less lonely, more valued or even acknowledged for my accomplishment -- I was sure wrong. So, as I sit here chewing my multiple vitamins, sipping my protein and crying like a fool, I hope I get an invitation to your pity party. I could use the company!

You guys are so great! Thanks for letting me vent...I'm thinking I might need to go back on my depression medicine...my theory is that fat cells effect neuron transmissions so that while I was loosing weight more rapidly my transmissions were more precise, but now that my weight loss has slowed down my transmissions are getting cross agian? Who knows, but I'm not usually this down, I try to be a really "UP" person. Thanks everyone and I hope you all have a great week! Michelle