Emotional RollerCoaster...

Hi Guys... Well, I am home... I had my surgery on Thursday, 5/27 and was ready to go home by Friday... but thank God I didn't... The surgery itself was fine, I did however, have an enormous amount of bleeding after... Friday night I got up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom... I thought I was having a really runny bowel movement... it was just gushing out of me... well... it was blood... this happened two more times before I finally passed out. I swear to God it felt like the inside of me was just pouring out my butt... I mean it was splashing up on me and everything... I am not trying to gross you guys out... but it was disgusting... Of course, I didn't realize it was blood until I wiped, and then saw it and FREAKED! They took me down for a radioactive blood test, where they take blood from you, mix it with radioactivity and then put it back in you and put you under this big ole machine that takes pix of your insides and the path of the blood... they weren't able to find where there was a leak or anything...So then they started talking about doing emergency exploratory surgery to find the bleeding... but then they determined that it was just residual blood left over from the surgery...this still FREAKED ME OUT!! I was not aware at all that this could happen... and I really hope that if more people know about it, that they won't freak out and think that they are going to bleed to death!! The final traces of blood finished yesterday morning and I've had 2 full days of no blood... so all is well!! My only problem is this not eating thing... I have Kaiser and they have a VERY strict program of 2 weeks of full liquid and then 6 weeks of soft/puree'd foods... and then you can go to a regular diet...So basically what that means, is that I won't be chewing anything for 8 weeks... that means the beginning of August people!!! I'll go stir crazy!!!!! Well, I want to chew so badly I can't see straight... I also know that I'm getting more than 2 oz. in at time too... The head hunger and the head games are the things getting to me... I'm so emotional... one minute I'm screaming the next I'm crying... I know this will all pass, but right now, I'm feeling like "what the hell did I do????" I'm afraid to go to sleep at night thinking that I'm going to not wake up... that God is mad at me for messing with His creation and it's just so overwhelming... I just need to feel that chewing sensation... I'd kill for a bagel... or something other than sugar free jello or pudding or soup... & broth!! Oh, I've just about had it of all that stuff... The other thing is I don't feel like I've lost any weight... I know it's only been 5 days... but everyone else talks about the big weight loss in the beginning... I don't know for a fact that I haven't lost any weight as I don't have a scale... but I certainly don't SEE a difference... I'm going to call the "behaviorist" that Kaiser has for this stuff tomorrow and see if I can get in to see her... I'm fine physically... yesterday went to the mall for 4 hours shopping... and today went to the movies and then shopping... I'm sleeping fine (once I finally fall asleep) and I can get up and down with no problems... The incisions hurt a little bit, but nothing that I can't handle!! I haven't had any pain meds since Friday morning in the hospital... I feel GREAT physically... it's all this emotional crap that is making me nutty!! If you are so inclined, some prayers would be awesome for some relief from this wanting to eat... and some peace with all my emotions would be great.. Also, if anyone has some words of wisdom, please feel free to e-mail me... i know it will all pass and that I made the right choice and that things are going to get better...But at this moment... I sure don't feel like it!! Thanks for listening... you guys are all the best!! Love & aloha, Loree

Dear Loree, I can totally sympathize with you. I also had that rollercoaster ride for a couple weeks. I am on my 3rd week now and it does get better. Hang in there. I am sure it is from the drugs that were given, not feeling normal and not being able to eat like everyone else (temporarily - not permanent). I know deep down it will get better but I had the crying bursts in the hospital and freaked my support person out - she didn't know what to do. Then again at home - but then I had phoned a couple people who I know who had the surgery and I related to everything they said. So I don't feel alone and we have all these wonderful folks at obesityhelp.com to answer questions, pray together. You are in my prayers. Wendy

Hi Loree, Wow, me too -- the emotional rollercoaster was the most unexpected thing for me when I first went home from the hospital (surgery date May 10). I would burst into tears all of a sudden, then get into some manic high state that had me making to-do lists at 3 am .... and found myself in some surprising emotionally honest conversations with my mother, my ex-husband, my son -- I was dangerous to be around! That lasted for a few days, then gradually eased off. They way I figured it, I had been using food to "stuff down" those pesky emotions before. And I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle them now! But prayer helps -- if God were really mad at you he wouldn't have given you this second chance at life. And keep reaching out to your support network, family & friends and us folks on the Internet. You've just saved your own life -- hang in there!

LOREE I HAVE NOT HAD MY SURGERY YET BUT WAITING. I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD GALLBLADDER SURGERY AND I WAS ON THE ALL LIQUID DIET I JUST WANTED TO CRUNCH CHIPS ANYTHING NOISY SOOOOOOO I CHOMPED ON ICE MAYBE THIS WILL HELP I HOPE IT DOES CAUSE I AM AFRAID THIS IS GOING TO BE MY PROBLEM. LOREE I ALSO HAVE A COUPLE OF CO WORKERS THAT HAVE HAD THE SURGERY AND EVENTUALLY HAD TO GO ON A ANTI-DEPRESSENT FOR THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER ASK YOUR DOCTOR IT MIGHT WOULD HELP. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS AT YOUR NEW LIFE. CARLA JOHNSON

Wow...what a rough time. I'm amazed you feel strong enough to get around. The liquid phase is tough. I'm pretty much on pureed, and as of tomorrow, I can add one solid food per day. I'm taking it slow, because it's definitley harder to digest the solid stuff. I am having some cravings...weird stuff like salad with lettuce and onions...crunch is what i want I think. It's normal for us, no? Part of the whole process. It's so early and frankly, you are probably really full of fluid now from the IV. It took me a good 10 days before it was all out of my system. I'm three weeks out and down 30 lbs. Don't despair. Every day that goes by you'll feel better. I would call the behavioralist and get some support. That's what they are there for. Sending prayers and hugs your way. JC Lap RNY w. choly May 14, 2004