Freakin' out a bit...

Hi Guys... OK, here it is... My surgery is scheduled for this Thursday, the 27th... and I'm starting to get really freaked out! I KNOW that this is the right thing to do ... I KNOW that I have made the right decision ... and I KNOW that I trust my Dr's & Surgeons and believe in them 1000% ~~ BUT... there is a little bitty part of me that is SCARED OUT OF MY MIND that I am going to die... or not make it home... Part of me says to "get my things in order" and part of me says not to... I have been praying... I KNOW deep in my heart that everything is going to be OK... but there is still that bit of me that wants to go running the other way... I do not want to have these fears as they "prep" me on that table... I need to feel 1000% confident that I will make it through!! I've decided to come here to you guys... the ones who are feeling the same thing and the ones who have already had your surgery... Please guys... can you pray for me, for peace and confidence... I've placed it all in God's hands... and I know that He will see me through this... and I just need some peace... I'm going crazy... and there are too many things to get done before the big day... I'm also trying very hard to not use words like "my last meal" and things like that... trying to use only positive words... Any other thoughts my wise friends??? I have this plaque here at my desk that says "Worrying does not empty tomorrow of it's troubles, it empties today of its strength"... You'd think I'd listen to my own advice, huh? Love & Aloha, Loree

Hi Loree, My surgery is scheduled for Friday, May 28th so I understand the thoughts and feelings you are having. Please think about all the positive things this surgery is going to do for you. I made a list of all the wonderful things I can expect to come from this and read that when I start to feel doubt. I realize this is not going to be easy, but we can only take it one day at a time, maybe even one hour at a time if things are really rough. You know in your heart this is the right thing to do. Keep praying for yourself and I will pray for you as well; God will comfort you and keep you in his loving arms if you will only let him. Take care and we can chat later if you like! Deana

Thanks Deana, You are right... I do know in my heart of hearts that this is the absolute right thing to do... everyone else around me is so confident that everything is going to go smoothly and that I'll be home in no time... so why can't I be?? I thank you for writing... and I will keep you in my prayers too!!! Guess we'll both be in the hospital this weekend... and WE'LL BOTH be going home to start being big ole losers soon, too!! I like your idea of your list of all the things you are going to do afterwards... it makes much more sense than my stupid list of all the things to get done "before"... I think I'll shorten that "before" list and add some of those things to the "after" list... makes good sense!! Thanks for your words!! Thanks for your prayers!! God Bless, Loree & yes, I'd love to chat later...

Loree, Have no fear, I went though the same feelings. I put my life in the Lord Jesus hands and knew he would be there with me, but the devil will always try to make you think you are wrong when you are right. What my God has done for me, he will do for you too. Have faith and don't be afraid. My surgery was on 5-18-04 and was back home on 5-20-04, it was done lap and I have 5 places on my stomach. I only had one family member who was for me doing this and 2 boarderline family, parents,brother, and one sister against it. I blocked their coments out of my mind and went for it any way. The day of surgery my father(who is a minister) prayed for me in the hallway before they rolled me into the OR. In the end you have to do what is best for you. Good Luck and God Bless and keep you. Sandra

Oh Sandra, Thank you so much!! Yes, the Devil does have a strong hold on me today... and you are right... God is going to keep me and get me through this!! I'm so glad to hear that others are going through this, or did go through this, and that I'm not alone!! This website is a true gift, that we have this place to come and learn and grow and share and scream together, if necessary!! (and I'm finding it necessary!! LOL) I'm so thankful that your surgery was a success and that you were home so fast!! I hope that mine goes like that and that I'm home from the hospital soon!! My mom's boss (a minister) is coming to the hospital with us that morning and he will be praying for me also as I leave for the OR... and he will stay with my mom while I'm in surgery too... so, I feel so blessed to have that!! Thanks again... thanks for your prayers and your good thoughts!! Love & Aloha, Loree

Loree: I like you plaque! "Worrying does not empty tomorrow of it's troubles, it empties today of its strength"... That's really good! I know you are freaking out a bit, even though you know you are doing the right thing. I was in the exact same place just a few weeks ago. The fear will stay with you right up until you go under in the OR. IT'S NORMAL! I say to you what my mom said to me, "I'd be more worried about you if you WEREN'T afraid!" This is a major life change. It is major surgery. You should be afraid. But you should also trust in the Lord to place his hands on you and your doctor during your surgery. I have said a prayer for you - for peace and strength and courage and the skill of your surgeon. Also, don't be timid about ASKING for something to calm you down before surgery. I asked for something to calm me down, and it did help a bit. (Probably more than I'm willing to admit!) We're saving a seat for you on the bench here on "The Losers Team". mpf

Paige, Thanks so much for your words and your prayer!! I'm starting to realize that it is normal...I just wi**** didn't consume all of my time now... I am feeling much better today... don't know if it's the prayers all "kickin' in" or what... but I'm feeling much better... hope this feeling continues... Had a good "last supper" last night... but have to rename it "last BIG supper" ("last supper" is just too final sounding to me... especially with all that I'm feeling...) and today starts that clear liquid phase (2 days) before surgery... I came home last night and started reading a new book, which I am going to start a posting about because it is truly an awesome book about the surgery... I think we ALL need to read it... pre & post op's... Anyway, thanks for your words...and your prayers... PLEASE KEEP EM" COMING!! Love & Aloha, Loree PS>>> I'm looking forward to joining you on that losers bench!! YOU ALL ARE AWESOME!!

Hi Loree! I too am feeling alot of the same things. I am scheduled for surgery on May 26th, 2004.....I am excited, scared, doubtful, happy, and so much more! I have been doing some "strange" things as my kids would say...I have made sure everyone knows what I want ----just in case....of course they dont want hear any of that...I have been in the process of writing to everyone near and dear to me as well...Sounds a bit silly, but this is a major surgery! I too have prayed to Jesus....and another little story that I hold dear is: A few months ago, my brother was in my grandparents garage attic (where he now lives) and he found a few of my grandmothers cross stitch things she had done and a picture in a frame of Jesus. Well the cross stitch pics were ruined with mold and what ever, but the picture of Jesus was perfect. I remember it hanging in my grandmothers house in fact. Well, he put it on Ebay....not thinking anyone would want it...Wrong! I did! But what was done, was done. However, he waited a few weeks and the payment never came, so one day he was by me to go to a support group meeting, and he had the picture for me. I now have it next to my bed.....funny thing, the payment came the day after he gave it to me! He sent the lady her money back and I have the picture.....I think it was fate.... You hang in there! Lora

Hi Lora, Wow... your surgery is tomorrow!!! Good luck girl!!!! My prayers are with you... and with everyone going in soon... We WILL all survive this and we WILL all be big losers too!!! My confidence is starting to come back... My feeling of dread and doom are diminishing... so keep those prayers coming everyone!!!! I know they are working... because yesterday at this time I wanted to run away from all this... I was thinking that maybe it isn't the right thing and that maybe I should just forget about it... and today, I'm determined to do this and determined to live to tell about it!!! So, I can tell you... the prayers are working!!!! I was going to write everyone and tell them I love them... I was going to "get my affairs in order"... I was going to clean the house and throw out stuff... but I decided that I'll do all that when I get home from the hospital... because I'm going to come home from the hospital!! I am writing a few cards to those most dear, just to tell them I love them and thank them for the support they have shown... and I think it's a great idea and something each of us needs to do or not do... it's all up to each person!! I love the story of the cross stitch of Jesus... I guess you were meant to have Him by your side through all of this... and He is there... with you, with me and with all of us!! Keep the faith!! I AM!!! Good luck tomorrow... remember to update when you get home and let us know how it is going!! THANKS TO ALL WHO ARE PRAYING>>> KEEP IT UP!! Love & Aloha, Loree