Family members being difficult!

I am so mad at my family! I have 11 days to go until my surgery date. I am SEVEN pounds UNDER what my max weight can be on my day of surgery so I have been making a point to eat all of my favorite food in my favorite portions for the last time. But my family has only been lecturing me and getting on my case about eating these things. I was just politely nodding my head this whole time pretending to take their unsolicited advice about how I should be eating. Truth is, I am sick of all the nagging, I am sick of all the judgemental attitudes. They cannot possibly pretend to know what I am feeling or going through. So last night I went over to my moms house (with my four kids in tow) to have cake with the family in honor of my younger brothers birthday. My mom dishes out the cake and gives everyone (including my toddlers) a normal sized piece, except me. For me is a tiny little piece. I made one comment about it indicating I wasn't happy, but then left it alone. A little while later I decided I was going to have another piece, after all its my very favorite ice cream cake. My mom and brother were outside with my children. My brothers wife sees me get another piece of cake and immediately goes outside to 'tattle' on me (I always took her for being above that sort of nonsense, guess I was wrong). My brother comes in and RIPS (not takes, but RIPS) the cake out of my hands puts it in the sink and turns the faucet on it so I can't take it back. I told him to give it back, blah blah blah...he ignored all of my protesting. I felt completely enraged, I knew that should I stay there I would have totally laid into him. So instead I gathered up the children and left, crying the whole way home (and then some). Who does he think he is trying to control me like that?! I am an adult and can make those decisions for myself! I am just at my wits end with these people. For weeks I have been listening to them NAG me about my weight and try to boss me around telling me what I should and should not be doing. Um...did I ASK for their opinion? No. I am 30 years old, clearly dieting advice has never worked out for me so why would I want it now? Fortunately my husband hasn't been this way with me. He knows I have been very good about my eating habits lately (which is why I am now under my initial weight when I first met with my surgeon). He is leaving me alone as I eat some foods on my favorite foods list. Its not like I sit around and eat chips and ice cream all day long. We are talking about a specific point in time where I sit down to enjoy a specific food. My friends are also very supportive of me for the most part its just my extended family that is such a pain. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent....I am just so very frustrated with this whole situation. Jen Stay at home mom to Spencer 6yo Seville, Olivia, Noah 2yo (3 in June!)

Congrats on being under your max weight for surgery. I don't think your family has any right to treat you like that. If you were over your max weight I could understand. But you're not. Don't let them get you down at this point. I'm sure you have better things to think about. You know you're doing it right,so don't let them drag you down now. Good luck with everything and I hope your surgery goes well too.....Hugz..Meri

I know the last thing you want to hear right now is anyone making excuses for your family but there is an angle here that I think you might not have considered. You know, from doing research (I presume), the risks and benefits of this surgery. Have you been able to educate your family about the surgery and maybe help some of them with their fears? What is sounds like to me is that they are really worried about your well-being and terrified that something might happen to you, perhaps some complication. They must feel very out of control right now, so they have grasped on to your eating habits. Maybe they even blame the food on some subconcious level for putting you in jeopardy like this. While I understand what you're going through with your "last meal" period, I also worry for you that you are sabotaging yourself. This should be a time when we are focusing on the things we will be able to do and the new "us" and not what we can't have anymore. I'm not judging you by any means or even saying that what you are doing is wrong. There are definitely a few things I will be eating in the next few weeks that will be prohibited after surgery, but I'd like to stick to their appropriate serving sizes and still try to be realistic. And honestly, the more nutritiously I eat right now the better my body will be equipped to heal and recover post-op so I can get on with my new life. Try not to mourn unhealthy choices. Instead be happy for your whole life ahead of you, not controlled by food. Remember, don't live to eat... eat to live!

To tell you the truth your story really made me laugh for a while. fun how family can be. You seem to be at their mercy. Any how best of luck on your surgery mine is May4th this coming Tuesday. and sorry about your ice cream cake. Jenny

Jen, **It must be in the Water** LOL...my daugher is going *nuts* over my surgery next week (7th of May)!! She told me she would not be there because it was not a *real* surgery (ROFL). Here's where I (sigh) real big and say **teenagers**!!!!!! ROFL Jen, hang in there. Your family is concerned...and probably not understanding the road you have chosen...I'd educate them if I have to sit down and write a letter to them outlining the fact that you need their SUPPORT!!!! Its hard to change our eating habits...but it can be done. ((Hugs)) Debbie R.

Hi Jen, I do think we were wearing similar shoes. However, yours were certainly not as light as mine. I went to my parents Friday night to celebrate my brother's birthday. When they were getting ready for dinner my mom had to bring in a few more chairs. I was fixing something to drink and she said, "Where's the big girl?" They are actually more supportive now then they were when I first mentioned the surgery. I've tried to do as others have suggested here and educate them as much as possible. I have given them numbers, actual statistics. My doctor has a wonderful track record and I've explained it in detail to them. They went on last night about how they wouldn't be able to call be big much longer so they were going to say it while they could. I didn't take it as anything more than light hearted fun. But, I think your family is just trying to handle their fear. They aren't handling it very well obviously. But, I'm sure they are just terribly worried about you. By the way, I did have a few bites of BBQ with no sauce or bread. I also splurged and at me a medium size piece of birthday cake. Nobody thought a thing about it. They do know I'm on a special pre-op diet, but understand why I want to have a few treats also. Good Luck on your journey! I hope you have great success as a big loser. Christie

Jen: One of my favorite sayings is that God created families so we'd have to learn to love people we would probably hate if they weren't our relatives! We always tend ot hurt those we care about most, and it is usually because we care about them, but don't understand them. This sounds like your family (and many others out there). Use the support of your husband. Know that your family loves you and is worried about you. The "nagging" will stop after wls.... they can't help that they expect you to eat like a post-op while you're still a pre-op. Some folks NEVER grasp the concept. Only those of us going though it can also understand it. Others may sympathize, but they can't empathize like we can. That's why I think OH.com and AMOS are so vital to the success of all of us! We have 24/7/365 support available for issues just like this one. Hang in there, girlfriend! You'll be on the losing side before you know it and all this will be ancient history. Thank God for you wonderful husband and children and ignore the rest of your family's comments.