People can be SO mean

Hey guys How are my May surgery buddies doing? I hope everyone out there is doing really well. One of my friends made me very sad today. She's never really said anything before, but a bunch of my friends and I got together to watch the red sox game tonight (yay! they won!). One of my incredibly supportive friends asked how I was doing and upon my reply, this OTHER friend said: "I don't see the point in getting yourself cut open just so you can be skinny!" Needless to say, jaws dropped. She was a supposed supporter and friend. She KNOWS that it's not about vanity, it's about health. I have had this discussion with her...rrr...people can be so mean! The rest of my friends were shocked at her comment too. I don't know. As much as I tell myself that she just doesn't understand, it still hurt my feelings a lot. Boo. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, and I want you all to know that I support you and love you very much! *Christina*

Christina, I am so sorry your feelings were hurt. Sometimes people don't understand the things we go thru being over weight. It is hard for someone to see you a certain way for a long time, then now you are going to change, she might be scared she will loose you as a friend. I think she WILL be there for you but a little jealous along the way! (which is to be expected) Just know that you HAVE FRIENDS with in this site, who you can chat with day or night! Good luck for an un-eventful surgery, God Bless! Tanya

Christina, I'm sorry to hear your friend was so mean to you. I know how hard it can be when someone who you thought was supporting you turns around and says something hurtful. I had the same thing happen to me last night. A friend got angry with me and said she was sick of hearing about my surgery and how it was going to change our friendship. She said when I got thin she was not going to want to go shopping with me anymore because I could buy off the rack in any store and it would just make her depressed. She said she doesn't go shopping or hang out much with her thin friends. (She is only 25lbs overweight!) I guess having fat friends makes some people feel good about themselves! Like you I am having this surgery for my health, getting thinner is just a really good bonus to the getting healthier part! Best of luck with your surgery and know that we support you! Have a wonderful day!

Hi Christina, How big is your friend? Can it be that maybe she would love to lose some weight and knows her health would improve, but is so scared of the type of surgery you are going to have that she is expressing her fear's in a negative way? Talk with her and let her know she hurt your feeling and ask why. Most of the time our friends and family don't understand why we need this surgery for our health. Most want to think we are to lazy to get up and walk it off and quit eating so much. They just can't get it that walking hurts so much. If you are going to support meeting, take her with. She will be so amazed at what she sees and hears. She will be a believer before she leaves the meeting. Jean

Hey all- Thanks for the awesome replies and suggestions! You guys are fantastic *Christina*

Hi Christina, I know how mean and cruel people can be. Especially when they are your so called friends. When I first told my best friend that I had a surgery date booked she said that she doesn't think she will like my skinny. Not that I HAVE EVERY BEEN SKINNY A DAY IN MY LIFE, but what a thing to tell me. Its ok to be friends when i am fat, but no thanks if you lose weight. Well i got up and left her place, and after a couple of days she called me to say she was sorry. But it makes me really think how it will be after the surgery. You just hang in there and know that you have friends all over the world praying for you. Linda in Canada

Hi Christina, I know you posted this yesterday, but I just had to reply. I was in the same boat as you. All of the co-workers in my department are my friends. Some are best friends. When I got my surgery date, I was jumping up and down and all excited doing the happy dance and they just looked at me and said congratulations with no enthusiasm. I was so depressed. I thought they were my friends. I thought they would share in my happiness. Then, Friday, I went to lunch with one of them and asked her why they were so blasé about it. She said she didn't mean to be but that she was really concerned that the surgery would go ok. She also told me that she can no way relate to how I am feeling and is glad I have this support group to talk to. I told her that I needed her to be there for me and she said she will absolutely be there through thick and thin. So, you see, unless you ask your friend why she blurted that out and hurt your feelings, you will never know what "her" feelings are. You know the measure of a 'true' friend is if they are there through the bad as well as the good. Will they pick you up at 3am because you got too loaded to drive? Will they not only invite you into their life, but into their family? This is a true friend. True friends don't say nasty things unless something is bothering them. Talk to your friend, if she is worth your friendship, you should be the bigger (not literally) person and work it out. I have learned is to not listen to anything negative. We have enough to worry about; we can't be using all our energy to battle friends and family. Good Luck with your surgery! Take Care! Luanne

Hello May surgery buddies Thanks to everyone for replying and being so awesome in general. I talked to my friend, but unfortunately she thinks I'm crazy. That's okay though, because I have so many people that support and care for me. Thanks again for all of the replies! Hope everyone is doing great and having a wonderful day (everyone deserves applause!) Love, *Christina*

Wishing you well and praying for all of us. I can't wait to be there. I hope you are doing well after your surgery. You are in my prayers and on my mind. God be with you and hope you will be home soon doing great. I had a close friend say the same thing to me, that she wouldn't have surgery to lose weight. People can be so tactless. Angels are watching over you. Christina Carolyn