A word about pre-op emotions.

So I was driving to get us dinner tonight and couldn't decide what I wanted to get. Something just hit me and I started to cry uncontrollably, thinking about all of my fears all at once and in a way, I think, mourning my old life and my old (albeit unhealthy) patterns. I realized that my safety blanket and my "friend" food and my weight weren't going to be there for me anymore. I realized that I could no longer stuff my anger or make excuses or hide inside myself anymore. And I cried and cried and cried. Keep in mind I'm seeing a Wonderful therapist and just got put on xanax for the remaining 18 days til my surgery. I have a wonderful surgeon and i believe that everything is gonna turn out fine in th end. But boy did I lose it tonight. my wonderful hubby held me and let me have my feelings and basically supported me like i needed him to. I am sharing this as a way of getting it out of me, but also for you other pre-ops to know that if you have these moments, you're not alone. abby (i just like the horse)

Hi Abby, You are not alone in your feeling Abby. Everyone of us are going through it too. You were able to let it come out tonight. Others will hold it in. Each of us will have to deal with it in our own way. You got it out in the open and it was good for you. I hope the days till your Surgery are filled with Happiness and Smiles. Jean

Hi Abby, My point of reconizition was about a weekago,Iwas sittingin the recliner with BOTH of my beautiful kids laying asleep on top of me. I just lost it,all I could think about was what if something happens,I won't be here to take care of them,what will happen,who will teach them,show them the right ways to live there lives.and the list goes on.Although I didn't have my husband here to support me or console me.He dosen't want me to go through with the surgery,but he understands that I have enough reasons to need to have it.I can't show my feelings around him,or I face having to hear,"why the hell are you doing this to us, let alone everyone else that loves you too",and I just can't bear to listen to any more criticisms,especially after living my life heavy and having to deal with it from people who don't know me.You are soo lucky to have someone who is supporting you one hundred percent, and is understanding of your feelings,I wish I was so lucky,but I am dealing with it in my mind and here on the message board as best as I can. I wish you the best of luck and you will be in my thoughts and prayers!! Take care Many (((HUGS))), Sonya (p.s. don't respond to this email,I don't want my hubbie to read your reply,just say a prayer for me instead!!)

Abby: I had a very emotional 2 week period when I thought of all the "what if's" related to surgery not going well. One day I cried for 2 hours before going to work. I too thought about how my weight has kept me "safe" from people/relationships that would hurt me. But, it has also kept me from living life as fully as I would like. Any surgery is risky.... but so is living life with the burden of obesity. I finally came to the conclusion that I need to envision my life after surgery... how will I choose to behave and interact with others...how will I stay true to the person I am. I also feel the grace of God in my life in giving me the opportunity to start a new life. I am at peace now with my decision to have WLS. May God bless you and keep you on your journey.

Hi Abby, Your not alone, My surgery date is scheduled for May12th and I'm so excited yet nervous..I have three boys and delivered them all by c-section... 10 days after the birth of my second child my incision reputured do to an infection.. I was rushed back to surgery and the incision was reopened..once an incision is reopened it cannot be closed back .. It took 11 months to heal from the inside out...I had to have my wound changed and scrubbed 3 times a day.. A couple of years later I learned that I had a latex allergy do to the latex gloves the nurses used on me in order to maintain a sterile field.. I almost lost my life do to an anaflaxic reaction...So I have a few panick attacks about the surgery itself, being wide open again and the latex in the air of the hospital...although they have taken many precautions to this in the operating room, latex is also airborne (when latex gloves are removed the powder inside becomes airborne)...But it's a chance I want to take... Food has always been my best friend when I was feeling sad, lonely, mad, or very depressed and to think I won't have that to rely on scares me just a bit.. But then I think about the plus side and that is that I won't panick when we go to a restraunt worrying about if the seats have arm rest and will I fit...and when the kids want to go to six flags and spend the day at the park I won't say no we can't go or sweat to death in blue jeans and a shirt and watch them swim instead of swimming with them..I changed my life about 2 years ago and lost almost 100 pounds and felt soooo good yet I still felt fat (because I was)..Although that was a huge accomplishment I was still heavy.. But after a hip injured that took a chip out of my left hip I could no longer do the extensive walking I was doing to keep the weight off...So the weight gradually came back and I slipped into that eating mode again...My hip I'm happy to say is much much better the added weight I'm sure is the culprite of the slight pain I still have from time to time...But I'm very anxious to start my journey again...I wish you the best of luck in your journey... And I would like the opportunity to be a penpal if your interested...The best therapy I ever had was chatting with a couple of friends in Chicago... We met online and remain very close freind to this day...Our friendship is almost 5 years old).... Good Luck Anna... Sincerly, Kimberly in Louisville, Kentucky