I'm so glad I found you!

I had never joined any support groups, and boy am I sorry. I am so glad I found you all on this site. I had my RNY May 19, 2004 and went from 325 to 180. In the past few months, I have gained 10 pounds. I can tell you I am freaking out! I'm trying so hard to get back on track. The terror and shame I feel are paralyzing. I'm finding that I do not want to go anywhere or be around other people, for fear they will 'notice' that I've gained. I'm constantly mentally berating myself for eating more than I should, or caving in to a craving. I have lost down below the 180 before, at times when I was sick with pneumonia, and other illnesses, and once in the rush of new love when I was too excited about my love life to care about food... but my body seemed to always bounce back to that weight. It has never seemed to me like it was good enough. I wear a size 12, and always thought that I'd be thrilled to be that size, but I find that I will mentally berate myself 'why can't I try harder to get into a 10?' and "why can't you stop eating until you get down to 165 like the doctor said you should weigh!" I'm sure you all know the dialog. Anyway, it really helped me to read your messages and see I'm not alone. I'll keep working to get these 10 pounds off, and who knows, maybe I can loose 20 if I work hard enough! I have to have hope. But it sure gave me a boost to read that we're in the same boat, that I'm not the only one feeling this way. God bless you all and thanks for being brave enough to share your stories. - Christi_P

Christi don't beat yourself up about your weight. Look at how far you have come from where you have been. When you are beating yourself up about the last 20lbs think about the 148 you have lost and what a great job you have done. We are not all meant to be 105's and 165. Trust me no one has noticed the 10lbs you have gained!