Leaving husband!

Hey everyone, I'm ashamed to say I haven't been on here in months. I just needed somewhere to vent and you guys know more than anyone what we are going through with our weight change. I've been married to my husband for 12 years and it has not been a picnic since day 1. He is an alcoholic, and was a drug abuser, I was so dependent on him because of my insecurities with my obesity I stuck with him through some horrible times. A few months ago he even had the nerve to tell me he wanted his fat wife back he could sit in the corner and not worry about while he went off and did what he wanted, how selfish is that!!! He has done and said so many horrible things to me through the years that it would take forever to list them here. He almost died 2 years ago after he got an infection in his heart from shooting up drugs. He is now drug free since then but has turned back to the alcohol and is still verbally abusive to me and sometimes to our children. I don't want my girls to grow and thinking this is normal behavior for a husband and father. I care about him and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him but I'm still young enough to find someone that is right for me and my girls that would treat us right. Do yall think I'm being selfish because now I look good enough to go find someone else? We live in a small town and I know that is what everyone is going to say about me, but I don't care. I just want some peace, stability and happiness for me and my children. Thanks for listening and pray for me!!!!! God Bless

Debra, All I can say is I know where you're coming from. I've been there and it's no picnic. It's a big decision. I thought about for years and then one day it happened. I knew that I could not take it anymore and I didn't want my daughter growing up thinking that was the way it was suppose to be. We have be separated 14 months now and me and my girl are doing great!!! She has even said "Our house is so peaceful now!" We do struggle sometimes but we make it. Like she said it's just more peaceful. No alcohol, no complaining, no name calling.....it's nice. I wish you luck. Sounds like you have your head and heart in the right place. I'm here if you need a friend to listen. Take care. You and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless. April

Hi Debra.. It's been awhile since you posted this.. but I don't think you are being selfish at all. We all deserve happiness.. rather fat or thin.. and you do NOT have to tolerate the consequences of his alcoholism. You can love the man, but not his actions. I understand that it gets "very old" after time.. and you will know when you have had enough and it sounds as if you have had enough. Since you are from a small town.. people probably know your husband too.. and will more likely wonder why it took you sooo long to leave.. Feel free to read my profile.. I have a weakness for alcohol too.. and quit 11/17/06. I would not blame anyone for wanting to have a healthy.. happy relationship. And I understand that tolerating a drunk or anyone with addictions.. be it porn, gambling.. whatever.. is a hard life to live. My ex-husband was addicted to porn. And I've lived with another who drank everyday.. so I do understand some. Prayers are with you.. find your happiness and your kids will be happy also

Hi Debra, Sometimes we need a little boost to our self esteem to realize that we deserve better. I am separated from my husband 2 1/2 year and I have never been happier. I have 2 daughters also, they are 9 and 5 years old. They have adjusted beautifully, however my 9 year old has her moments. I was married for 8 years and I was not heavy when we met and got married. I had a harmonal problem after giving birth to my first daughter and would not stop bleeding. They shot me up with steroids and some other stuff that resulted in me gaining weight. They said I would loose it, but it never happened. After I gained the first 60lbs I gave up hope and the next 40lbs I put on were easy. I was a working mom and had a husband that was never there to help physically or morally. Thank God for his parents, they helped raise my girls so I could work a full time job and keep things at home in order. I had my 2nd daughter in June of 2002 and I had lost a little weight, but gained it right back after that summer. I wasn't feeling well either and I had very bad menstruel cycles. i was always dizzy and tired. I had a very unhealthy relationship with my husband and I was either always working or home alone with my girls. The only decent quality about him, was that he was a pretty good dad on the whole. He loved them very much and was very good with taking care of them when I was at work. The flip side to that was, HE should have been the one with the second job, not ME!! He was a moderate gambler, but a very heavy drinker and pot smoker. He was verbally abusive and sometime physically abusive, and about 9 months after my surgery, I had had enough. He got pulled over New Years Eve for a DUI and that was the last straw for me. He swears I left him because of my weigh loss, and all I can say is that the only contributing factor was that I had self respect by then. I was still the same person, I just liked me a little better than I had in the past. It was the best thing I ever did, other than having my surgery...LOL!!! I am now happily engaged to my former (pre-husband) boyfriend and one true love!! We live together with my girls and we are all very happy. My ex is still up to his old antics: he is selfish, gives no child support, sees the kids only when he is available, and furthermore keeps procrastinating with signing the divorce papers. I am hell bent on suceeding on my own, and I could care less what ANYONE else thinks. Unless they walk in my shoes, they have no right to judge me. I say....CONGRATULATIONS ON THE NEW YOU! You can't help someone who can't help themself. Live for you and your kids,a nd make everyday count. Put on that sexy black dress and feel good about yourself...everyone deserves that!! It will get easier! It may get harder first, but one day you will have the happiness you deserve. I am so in love and he is also...I swear to you, there is no better feeling!!! Good Luck!! Stephanie, NJ