2 year bandiversary

Wow, amidst the chaos that is the end of the school year for a teacher, I realized that today is my 2 year anniversary of my surgery. Two years ago I had surgery with Dr. Tayiem in Achison, KS. The surgery itself was a breeze, but the first day I ran a bit of a fever and was groggy and bleh. That was the only time I said "Thank God for catheters!" LOL The next day, after my swallow test (nasty stuff!) I was allowed to start on full liquids. They brought me a tray with jello, custard, ice cream, and cream of wheat. I thought they were crazy because I'd heard so many people have to be on clear liquid for a couple weeks post op. I LOVED my post op restriction. It was so amazing to take a teensy bite of ice cream and "feel" it. After just a couple bites I felt full. Needless to say (or maybe very needful since I didnt' know before hand) the post op restriction got less as the swelling went down. By week four I was starting to feel hungry again more often and went for my first fill. My first few fills did the disappearing act. Just when we were going to check for a leak, one finally "stuck." That was just before Christmas, and I LOVED being able to nibble at Christmas snacks and feel satisfied and not deprived. I actually LOST weight over Christmas! I had started working out at Curves about 2 months before surgery. I must say that for me, exercise is a big key. I lose much quicker when I get my metabolism up that way. Sometime in maybe Feb I got a little greedy for restriction and got a little overfilled. NOT an experience you want to go through. I couldn't keep anything down... not even my own spit! That's when Dr. Tayiem referred me to Dr. VinZant in Wichita. He's a surgeon, but doesn't know anything about the band. Since I am a super sized woman, my dr. put my port right under the skin so it would be easy to find. The benefit has been that I've been able to go to the local surgeon for fills and unfills. Well, Round about April my band started tightening on it's own. So my perfect restriction got to be too much again. We were traveling for a family funeral, and I wasn't able to keep much down... maybe by forcing it and starting a PB cycle. On the way home, stopped by Atchison and got a little out. But in May it started the wierd tightening again. This time when I went up there he said he wanted to remove all my fluid and let my stomach rest. I actually said to him, "I think I'll be ok. I mean, I am actually thinking differently about food! It's amazing." That's when I learned how powerful a tool my band really was. I was down 90 pounds at that point from my starting weight. I had finally gotten to where I thought I was safe to give away my biggest clothes. The beginning of last summer was the beginning of a downward spiral for me mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically. My mother in law moved out just as I was getting out of school, so I had my house to myself and WANTED to reclaim it! Unfortunately, that also gave me time to get back into overeating during the day and not exercising. By the time school started again I was feeling depressed and starting to have some anxiety. Then, 3 days before school started they changed our schedule and basically all the planning I'd done over the summer was thrown out the window. We had a horrible beginning of the year, and it just kept getting worse with student and parent problems. I had gotten a fill, but it wasn't a big one. And I guess, I really haven't had good restriction all school year. By February I had regained 40-50 pounds! I also had a bit of a nervous breakdown. I had been having panic attacks that were giving me constant chest pain. One morning I woke up and the pain was going down my arm. I didn't think I was having a heart attack, but I didn't want to wait to find out. I took 4 weeks plus spring break off of work and went to "intensive outpatient therapy" 3x a week and finally got a psych to manage my meds. Now that I'm not having panic attacks and my depression has lifted, I'm finally starting to feel like I can try to get my focus back where it was when I was banded and having success. For me, I've found a lot of this battle is in my brain. I have restriction now, but eat candy, cookies, cereal, etc. that goes through pretty easy. We joined the Y but I haven't been yet. I need an accountability buddy... I do best that way. I've been thinking I need to go see dr. Tayiem since it's been a LONG time, and then maybe try to do the liquid diet for awhile to get my body and my head back in focus. I'm afraid I have stretched my pouch. There are times I can eat a LOT. I've still been going to counseling to try to deal with my eating issues, and was going to Overeaters Anonymous for awhile. That's what I am. The band is a tool I KNOW can work for me, but for the past year, I think I've been trying to prove that I'm a failure. I'm not happy being almost back where I started and having no clothes to wear with my feet, knees and back hurting. I WILL be successful with this. But I've had to do a lot of soul searching this past year. Wow, bet you didn't know what you were in for when you opened this message, eh? LOL I'm not known for being brief. So there you are. The last two years of my life. I'm not at goal like I wanted to be and I haven't had kids like I wanted to and I turned 37 last year. So I need my band to work for me and I need to work my band. I will reach my goal. Good luck to all who are banded and getting banded! It's a wonderful thing. Eryn 420/???/under 200