Help for my spouse.

Hello everyone and congratulations to all on your fantastic losses. I am 9 months and one day post-op and am down 117 pounds from 264 to 147. I am about 7 pounds from my goal of 140. I feel great and have gone from a 54 inch waist to 33 inch. My wife although very happy for me is having a hard time getting used to my new body. She feels I am too thin, look skelatal, and feels there is nothing there when she hugs me. Is there anyone else having this problem? Any advice for her. Dave lap RNY 5-38-03 Robert Bell, M.D. Yale 274 high/264day of surgery/147now/140goal

Hi Dave I don't know if I have any advice. Except you need to do what you feel comfortable. If you feel good about yourself at 140 then I think you should strive for that goal. Your wife has to get used to you being different. I know it must be hard. My dh has not complained. In fact the other way around. And I have a long way to go to ever be considered too skinny. Good Luck! Carmen Open RNY 5/28/03 398 high/360 day of surgery/256 now/125 goal

Hi Carmen and thanks for the response. The more I think about everything I think we both need to adjust. I have only lost three pounds in the last month and have been eating and exercising about the same. So perhaps my body is saying that I am at my goal. I still feel like I have a little belly but this may just be extra skin. If I had a TT and they took 7 pounds of skin then I would be at 140. I also think my becoming smaller than my wife and her struggle with her own body issues have effected her image of us as a couple. Keep up the good work, it's great to talk to people who had surgery the same day. Dave

Dave, the whole thing is pretty funny, isn't it? Too fat, too thin. Just plain too crazy! I had my surgery 5-2-03 and have gone (so far) from 335 to 193. My upper half is pretty skinny but the old pear shape is showing itself! My husband calls me skinny (bless him!) when he hugs me. I always point at my belly and thighs and say, not likely! I'm thinking another 40 pounds or so and then I will be where I want to be. I'm trying not to get too caught up in that number tho'! It is much more about being healthy and feeling good. Spouses have a hard time, I think. I know that I am very focused on myself and need to be right now. Perhaps if I had focused on myself prior to surgery, I wouldn't have needed it! Anyway, I try to stay very 'open' with my husband about what I am feeling and what I want - this can be both good and bad! I needed his support before I started on this wonderful journey and he has been incredible. I hope the best for you and your spouse.

what is your body size on charts? i am about 16lbs to goal and Im beginning to feel that this is the size I should remain. I dont know if I want to go much lower *just* to reach a goal I set. Im a size 10 now. I have told myself I will NOT get below a size 8. Thats plenty small to me. If I reach that in 5lbs im stopping no matter what I weigh! I haven't been a size 10 since i was in Junior High. I think I look great at this size....Im now losing about 1lb a week. talk with your doctor and ask others around you... for their advice. do they think you are thin? blah blah .. ask those you can trust to be honest. deb 260/154/140

My spouse is having a very hard time - especially because we've had to be apart (job changes) the whole year since the surgery. Each time I see him I'm a lot smaller and he says I look awful - too thin - doesn't recognize me ( I went from 290 to 130 in one year - because of some complications for 6 months)- He loved me large and loved my breasts - now they are flat as pancakes and he can't adjust. It's been a real problem and we started couples therapy and individual therapy - we've been married for 30 years. he gained a lot of weight over the past 10 yrs and we were always fat together - I lost 120 lbs on overeaters 20 yrs ago - and he did not have this response then - he was also not as overweight as he is now. he admits to being jealous and frightened that I will be attractive to others and become attracted to someone else - but also says I "just don't look right". The only thing that helps me work through this is that those who never knew me at 290 - think I was always thin - and think I look slender and healthy. To be pointed out as "the skinny lady on the row machine" in my exercise group is a completely new experience - I know that I'm healthier - so I try to gently keep reminding him that the "me" has not changed - just the outside (and who could be attracted to all those hanging folds? ) Therapy is helping us. Hope you can work it through with your spouse.