vent...soda and family issues...long

So I'm down about 50 lbs and my sister has been verbally supportive over the past three months.  She helped me shop for new clothes etc.  She has been a chronic dieter FOREVER, has done weigh****chers and gained and lost the same 40 lbs many times over the past 5 years.  She lost a bunch of weight last summer while going through a divorce and has always been thinner than me even at her heaviest.  Since last summer she put about 25 lbs back on and is again dieting (sort of).  Another piece of this story is that I have been a die hard diet coke addict for at least 20 years, obviously I had to give it up for the surgery and I miss it terribly.  My sister is just as addicted and as soon as she comes to my house she puts diet coke (that was in my garage left over from when I quit) into my fridge and proceeds to drink it in front of me which is TORTURE.  She knows how much I miss it but I guess I never point blank asked her not to do it in front of me at my house (I don't think I have a right to tell her she can't have it but I do think she could go away from me in my own house at least right now while it's so hard for me).  So I said (perhaps a bit *****ily) that after this was gone there would be no more.  She replied (*****ily) that she didn't live here and it went downhill from there.  She went on to tell me that I've become "mean and nasty" since my surgery.  I didn't really know what to say to that because I honestly don't think it's an accurate statement, sure I've had my moments (and she lives 2 hours away from me so it's not like we're together much) as has she.  I talked to my dh about it (he had RNY about 5 years ago) and he didn't think I'd become mean and nasty (he said maybe bossy, LOL but I'm always that way) and wondered if it was more her issue and maybe her feeling threatened that she may not be the thinner sister for long.  She also has made snide comments about my eating two bites of things (like I can help that!).  I tried to talk to her about it this a.m. before she left to go back home but she was so surly and defensive that nothing productive came out of it.  I told her she hurt my feelings and I got a sarcastic "I'm sorry" so I gave up.  I know we'll work it out eventually but I'm going to take a break from her for awhile I guess and surely stop talking about my weight loss journey.  We are set to go to the beach together (both families) in early August so I hope we work it out by then.  I guess I just wanted to vent and maybe see if anyone has any thoughts on the matter or how I should go from here.  Anyone else had family members give you flak?

Thanks for listening!!

Tami

Sorry you are having rift with your sister. Change can be hard, even good change.  I know in my case I’ve been feeling a bit more irritable.

Sometimes we expect people to know what we need or how we feel and when they don’t we become defensive and they react defensively. From what you wrote it sounds as if this may be the case as far as the soda is concern.  As you stated she may also be feeling threatened or another interpretation would be she may be feeling inadequate.

I hope the tension is resolved before your families go to the beach in August.

We have the same surgery date and just about identical weight loss.  I do not have a sister, only brothers.  BUT my mother can be a thorn in my side at times.  She was very supportive when I finally told her (not until the date was set and everything was a go did she know).  Now when I see her about e/o week I will get a comment that the weight seems to be coming off slowly.  WHAT???  50 lbs in not quite 3 months - slowly??  2 - 3 sizes in clothes??  So yes I do understand and feel your pain.  I think sometimes it is the other person having issues and you are improving your life with health and becoming the person that has been hiding for way too long.  You go girl!!!  

It is disrespectful if she loves you really... the pop deal.. it IS your home for one.. As a recovering alcoholic also for many yrs.. It is unspoken that people wont be using alcohol in my home unless there is an event where I welcome it for other...doesnt happen but.. whatever..LOL...I love diet coke.. my addiction when quit smoking 2 yrs after quitting drinking... Now I just buy one bottle..open it..take one painful sip.. and let it go flat.....then drink it!! that or use some water and tons of ice cubes to take carbonation out..LOL.. One day my baby brother even shook one up for me as hard as he could to make it flat so could drink super cold!! Now thats love..LOL..I too have a sis who has ALWAYS been skinny..but never needed to diet ever.. I am only a clothes size different from her now.. When I share my wt loss goals or sizes with her she always says....dont get tooooo skinny...what the heck???? She even attended her 20 yr class reunion where many of my friends were at and askin her about me etc.. she got weird with them!!! Didn't praise my wt loss etc.. which too me hurt. I have lost 90 lbs including my presurg wt.. but about 70 since surgery.. and only 40 to go to surgeons goal!!!.. She is my only sister.. and I know how bad you are hurting.. I think like the other posters mentioned it is a jealousy thing....she's smaller, my sis is taller..  etc.. My sis even referred to me as her AA sister...cuz someone sent me a photo of her being drunk.....so I feel your pain.. but remember.. regardless....stand up and don't be ashamed.. you are making huge steps towards your health and not easy or simple ones by any means!!!! Like I think my sis seems to think at times..Much love and prayers your way...