Recent Posts
Topic: Living in hell My melt down warning pretty bad
I supposely live with a good man but days like today I JUST WANT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OUT OF MY MARRIAGE, He just screams and becomes belittleing and maybe I do deserve some of it I just can't take it when he just screams yells and cuts me down, I swear he is manic depressant and I even try telling him this he goes off the deep end and tells me I am the problem I had "DID"
I think we both r two different people now and think differently,I am in self distructive mode right now, NOT IN A GOOD PLACE
I have hit major depression and I just feel like running away from him the kids and even tho these are normal feelings for most PEOPLE but seems these are thoughs and actions I am driving towards,Due to health and economic religious reasons I stay.I feel sooooooooooooooooo trapped, I want to scream when I attend church I cannot identify with most people insignicate stuff,
I am mormon and all our faith serves around family centered life I just want out of this life, I feel like such a bad mother.I cannot talk to our bishop or anyone as most live with their head in sand and ignore and pretend I suppose I have real time issues not small little issues, I still have a autistic son in morning still have severly handicapped daughter in morning or a daughter that still mourmns the loss of her 12 month old daughter that died in her sleep, in morning Still have ADHD son in morning,Never goes away, I am in this support group for mother with brain damaged children and I think all of us are just crazy
AS A MORMON WOMAN SO MUCH PRESSURE CAN BE PUT ON US, I am not cutting down people who members of the church but so much is expected of us, Divorce is not really a option for we beleive in eternal marriage, I will not go to councelor for this as most do not get my faith and understand my werid way of thinking,
Right now I just want to binge on food , Mormons do not drink smoke, man if i did I would be drinking something,I beleive in my faith but my views are so different , I think with me losing my twin daughter then having a daughter born with cystic fibrosis and then my other daughter losing our grnadchild katie and having autistic kids and now my daughter had a stroke I just don't identify with most people, Stupid people tell me God will never give you more than u can bear with and I say under my breath oh yeah then why do we have suicide then? Sunday I wanted to choke the sister that got up and said oh when I having a bad day with my hubby I pick up my scriptures and read and I feel so much better and here I am thinking I would pick up my scriptures and would hit hubby with them. I am such a f$%King mess,I so want to pick a razor blade and cut my self and make me feel so much better,I want food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want my old friend food to console me right now dammit I cannot do it as I would just vomit it, I am so lost,, I feel like I am going crazy, I just want out of this hell!!!!!!!!!!!
L
I think we both r two different people now and think differently,I am in self distructive mode right now, NOT IN A GOOD PLACE
I have hit major depression and I just feel like running away from him the kids and even tho these are normal feelings for most PEOPLE but seems these are thoughs and actions I am driving towards,Due to health and economic religious reasons I stay.I feel sooooooooooooooooo trapped, I want to scream when I attend church I cannot identify with most people insignicate stuff,
I am mormon and all our faith serves around family centered life I just want out of this life, I feel like such a bad mother.I cannot talk to our bishop or anyone as most live with their head in sand and ignore and pretend I suppose I have real time issues not small little issues, I still have a autistic son in morning still have severly handicapped daughter in morning or a daughter that still mourmns the loss of her 12 month old daughter that died in her sleep, in morning Still have ADHD son in morning,Never goes away, I am in this support group for mother with brain damaged children and I think all of us are just crazy
AS A MORMON WOMAN SO MUCH PRESSURE CAN BE PUT ON US, I am not cutting down people who members of the church but so much is expected of us, Divorce is not really a option for we beleive in eternal marriage, I will not go to councelor for this as most do not get my faith and understand my werid way of thinking,
Right now I just want to binge on food , Mormons do not drink smoke, man if i did I would be drinking something,I beleive in my faith but my views are so different , I think with me losing my twin daughter then having a daughter born with cystic fibrosis and then my other daughter losing our grnadchild katie and having autistic kids and now my daughter had a stroke I just don't identify with most people, Stupid people tell me God will never give you more than u can bear with and I say under my breath oh yeah then why do we have suicide then? Sunday I wanted to choke the sister that got up and said oh when I having a bad day with my hubby I pick up my scriptures and read and I feel so much better and here I am thinking I would pick up my scriptures and would hit hubby with them. I am such a f$%King mess,I so want to pick a razor blade and cut my self and make me feel so much better,I want food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want my old friend food to console me right now dammit I cannot do it as I would just vomit it, I am so lost,, I feel like I am going crazy, I just want out of this hell!!!!!!!!!!!
L
Topic: RE: Thank you my A team Angels
update:
Yesterday I went to the gym I did 20 min on the cybex machine which is like running. I then did 30 min on the recumbent bike. I also did some arm and abs on the machine. I was there for 70 min so I feel tired and excited. I ate almost all protien yesterday I did have some kashi go lean protien cereal but then like an hour later I feel shaky and sick like i need to eat so I am not going to do cereal anymore.
I watched my sugar and still have not had a drink! I also took one of my leftover cymbalta. I hate that one but it will help untill I can get my zoloft back.
Today is a snow day here so I can't go to my gym right now because the school closed during the day. If they open tonight I will go before class to work out. If not I will work out on my wii fit I love the hula hoop and jogging.
I will post later again on how I did. I do need to go eat something it is 11:45 and all I had was coffee. Yes I did bring back coffee but come on nothing else bu****er. lol
dee
Yesterday I went to the gym I did 20 min on the cybex machine which is like running. I then did 30 min on the recumbent bike. I also did some arm and abs on the machine. I was there for 70 min so I feel tired and excited. I ate almost all protien yesterday I did have some kashi go lean protien cereal but then like an hour later I feel shaky and sick like i need to eat so I am not going to do cereal anymore.
I watched my sugar and still have not had a drink! I also took one of my leftover cymbalta. I hate that one but it will help untill I can get my zoloft back.
Today is a snow day here so I can't go to my gym right now because the school closed during the day. If they open tonight I will go before class to work out. If not I will work out on my wii fit I love the hula hoop and jogging.
I will post later again on how I did. I do need to go eat something it is 11:45 and all I had was coffee. Yes I did bring back coffee but come on nothing else bu****er. lol
dee
Topic: RE: Thank you my A team Angels
One day at a time Dee. We all need to find healthy outlets for what gets to us. We used to use food, now it can be anything! As you can tell, I have been on my own emotional roller coaster-you are NOT alone. I think this gives me comfort when I am feeling out of sorts or when when I am having rage and disapointment.
Hang in there, do what you can and make the best decisions you can each and every moment...
Hang in there, do what you can and make the best decisions you can each and every moment...
Consult/Goal/Current
282/165/183lbs
282/165/183lbs
Topic: Watch oprah today TOPIC MORBID OBESITY AND THE PAIN
Should be a intresting taping of her show talking about teens and adults morbid obesity, the root cause, I need to find what is really eating me,
Lisa
Lisa
Topic: RE: Thank you my A team Angels
Dee I am in with you , I am still not able to exercise, Grrrrrrrrrrrr I am having no ambition to do much right now , I don't even care to watch what I EAT, I am dealing with depression and how I feel post surgery, I have this sore throat so I feel like crap and have this post nasal drip which equals mucos which equals havoic on my lap band, I threw up pure mucus yesterday , All i ever do is vomit when i have mucus here i was vomit free and was eating good and boom I caught a cold and I am sick again grrrrrrrrrrrrrr have to go back on liquid diet and find the real psuedofed to dry me up ,
I am in such a weakend state, and I am getting ticked off. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,Here I am suppose to be healthy and I am to damn weak, I went grocery shopping and I could barely move the cart after it was full I remember the days I could just push the cart with ease now the cart is probally heavier than I am, I cannot throw my weight into it like i use to,I want to build muscle up I just look fragile Yuck. I HATE THE BINDER , Dee I started to use a massager on my belly and man I can really see the difference in swelling,
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK Dee
hugs to our amazing A team
Lisa
Topic: RE: less successful
I am so here for you! I am in the same boat and from today on I am going to work my ass of to get back on track! If you need to talk I am here for you! You found a great place to come I have gotton so much help here
dee
dee
Topic: Thank you my A team Angels
I know tend to be a downer and more so when I am off my medicine. So I am going to start a new topic and I am going to post everyday hopefully. It will be my rant and raves lol
I am going to post the good the bad and the ugly. I will probally wait till night so I can recap the day. Today I will start early.
Thank you so much to my A team family who deals with my up and downs better then anyone else I know. Here I feel like I am not judged or under the microscope. Sometimes I feel some people I know are just waiting for me to fail so they can feel good about them selfs again and do the I told you so.
Today I am going at 10 am to the college and work out for an hour. I will do cardio for the most part and then alternate upper one day and lower the next day and I will also work the abs everyday as well. I go to school 3 days a week and on thoes days I will exercise I will also try on other days as well. but 3 days will be the least amount I do a week.
My surgeon wants me back in my binder because the fluid is not going away. I threw my binders away because they were junk. I should be getting my tax return back here soon. I will go to the medical store and find one. I am also going to get a mens since I am taller. I am also buying 4 tubs of my protien then as well.
Ok I will post tonight to let you guys know how my day went. I am making this my accountability.
I love you guys you truly help me and I am here for everyone too!!!
I am going to post the good the bad and the ugly. I will probally wait till night so I can recap the day. Today I will start early.
Thank you so much to my A team family who deals with my up and downs better then anyone else I know. Here I feel like I am not judged or under the microscope. Sometimes I feel some people I know are just waiting for me to fail so they can feel good about them selfs again and do the I told you so.
Today I am going at 10 am to the college and work out for an hour. I will do cardio for the most part and then alternate upper one day and lower the next day and I will also work the abs everyday as well. I go to school 3 days a week and on thoes days I will exercise I will also try on other days as well. but 3 days will be the least amount I do a week.
My surgeon wants me back in my binder because the fluid is not going away. I threw my binders away because they were junk. I should be getting my tax return back here soon. I will go to the medical store and find one. I am also going to get a mens since I am taller. I am also buying 4 tubs of my protien then as well.
Ok I will post tonight to let you guys know how my day went. I am making this my accountability.
I love you guys you truly help me and I am here for everyone too!!!
Topic: RE: less successful
This is a wonderful group! The A-Team has been such an amazing support to me from the very beginning and they continue to be my support. I really don't think I would have been as successful as I have been if it hadn't been for the A-Team pushing me along. I'm glad you're with us... we are all here for one another and hopfully it make a difference in your journey, it has in mine!
Small goals seems to work best for me. Whether it be commiting to eating more protein for a week or drinking more water each day... Take things in small junks so you don't become overwhelmed. Once you feel you've conquored that goal then add another small thing to your daily routine... like adding more beans to your diet or exercising.
It's never too late to get back on track and it sounds like you've done a good job maintaining your weight. Gaining only 5 pounds back isn't that bad! Looking forward to more posts from you!
Welcome Camai!!!
Small goals seems to work best for me. Whether it be commiting to eating more protein for a week or drinking more water each day... Take things in small junks so you don't become overwhelmed. Once you feel you've conquored that goal then add another small thing to your daily routine... like adding more beans to your diet or exercising.
It's never too late to get back on track and it sounds like you've done a good job maintaining your weight. Gaining only 5 pounds back isn't that bad! Looking forward to more posts from you!
Welcome Camai!!!
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