Morning Shar and all of the A team! It seems the further out we are the more we lose touch! I have been super busy with everything going on around here. We just bought a house after an exhaustive 3 month search. I am almost done with school for the semester, and unfortunately that also means the kids are almost done for the year as well! LOL!! I have been battling some demons that were once family to me. I had the unfortunate need to expose my stepdaughters cousin as a child molester. He was molesting my (step) daughter while she was living at her grandmothers. I am now public enemy #1 in this family, and that is very stressful. I get by because I know that I did what needed to be done for my child. Sadly my in laws do not even believe that she is telling the truth! I find that reprehensible. They claim to love her, yet they are calling her a liar. I know that she is not lying. I only discovered what was going on by reading one of her chats, and she is afraid of getting her cousin in trouble. Sorry I seemed to get off topic. Back to the business at hand, DOS 351.6 Today 200 even. That is a total loss, gain and loss again of 151.6 pounds. Everyday is a battle with the demons to keep the weight off! I hope that it is a battle that I can win. My original doctor's goal was 170, still so far from that, not sure that I will ever find it! Have a good week, and thanks for listening to my tirade. Marla

We all deal with issues of body image. However, I am worried about how strong it is in you. My advice is to get professional help. This is not a cop out, you need someone trained who can help you work thru these issues. It might even be that some type of medication will help. Our bodies go thru some extreme changes in hormones and other blood levels-it can leave a person reeling. I am so impressed you had the courage to post-so please have the same courage to get help before it gets to you any more. The A team cares for one another. We will always be here for ya....

Blah. How do I say it? Where do I start? I've vowed to be honest and open here and I have been, but right now, I'm scared. I'm scared to say what I feel. I'm afraid no one will hear, that no one will understand. I don't claim to be rational, but I don't want my feelings/thoughts/emotions that are real to me, to be discarded by someone's eye roll and click of the mouse. I'm struggling. Already. I'm not gaining weight. I'm not. Every evening I weigh 146. Every morning, I weigh 143. Every. day. Day. After. Day..... BUT I FEEL HUGE. The scale has been pretty much set in the same place for several weeks now. I can *sort of* deal with that. What I can't deal with is the fact that my BMI is 26 and that makes me overweight. I can't deal with the fact, that on the weight charts, I still have 7ish lbs. to lose to be "normal". Did I come this far, and do all of this to still be "overweight"? Now, before you comment me and say, forget the weight charts, and all that jazz, let me first say, I am 5 ft. 2 in. on a good day. In fact, I think I'm more like 5 ft. 1.75 in. Sadly, that probably makes me even fatter on their stupid charts. I'm afraid b/c the scale is the same and my clothes are fitting the same but... I look in the mirror and every day I look bigger to me. I ask DJ if I'm getting bigger and he just rolls his eyes, but I swear to myself that he's lying. My stomach looks like I'm 6 months pregnant to me. I feel like I have a double chin again. I feel like my stomach is HUGE again. I look at myself naked in the mirror and sob. What is happening to me? Am I going crazy? No, it's not PMS either. I'm not due for another 2 weeks. This is real. This is happening. I can tell myself that I am thin. I can look at pictures and sort of see it... But when I walk in a room, I still feel like I am 277 lbs. WHen I saw R (my surgery buddy who had her RNY the same day as I) at our post op appt, I felt like a big slob sitting next to her. I swore I was twice her size. I literally tried to cover my stomach w/ my purse and kept my arms crossed to hide my fat. When I saw the pics, I couldn't believe we were the same size. Someone help me please. I honestly feel like I'm losing it. The worst part is, this stress and anxiety is making me want to eat more. I wi**** would make me not want to eat at all.... Am I going crazy? Am I normal? I wish someone could tell me... what is happening and how to make it stop. To top it off, a woman called me a fat ass at work today too. Of course, she is a resident w/ dementia but still.... bad timing.

Tell your daughter she's great!! wonderful speech!! Inky

I haven't been around much the last few days. We have been practicing and getting ready for the annual style show that our weight loss program produces. It is for all the medical personnel as well as current and future patients. Actually anyone could attend. There was a nice table set up with nibbles for the bariatric crowd. Some really interesting spreads as well as the usual fruits and veggies. How cool to go to something that had WLS friendly food that looked and tasted amazing. The Dr's had time to give an overview of the program and then there were about 12 who gave testimonies. Half way thru- there was a salsa dancing demonstration for all who attended the free classes. I tried it one night. It is fantastic exercise! Then the second half went thru. I was 3rd from the last. I wore my cowboy hat, low cut jeans, black bling belt, black gator boots, black v neck tee and a black jacket. After my testimony, I walked out on the stage to a song-in my case "These boots are made for walking" and strut our stuff. Behind us on a big screen is our before picture taken at the clinic as well as how much we have lost. It was a really big moment for me and it was nice to have my hubby, step-daughter, and Mom & Dad there to see how far I have come. It was nice the see Cheri-I wish she had paticipated. Those of us who did had soooo much fun. Anyway, it was a wonderful night and just wanted to share with all of you.