Lisa we have alot in common and  sometimes the demends of the past creep on us.Most of us morbid obese come from a horrific past and food was out best freind our drug of choice was food but if we are not dealing with why we became so heavy will will seek out transfer addiction, Some positive  transfer addiction could be exercise, We no longer use food to cope with the feeling of the past. I cannot over eat or i will vomit  and get sick. I do have this depression that justs grips every fiber of my being and feel so hopeless and overwhelmed and I cannot do anything productive, I was exerciseing before my shoulder probvlems and now daughter's stroke has put me on hold.
I feel so paralysed in depression. I am so glad I do not drink as i would be such a heavy drinker by now.

You are noticing u are having a problem and u have nothing to be sorry about and u r fighting back this time. we all our gonna have set back from time to time just we need to realy focus on the thoughts feeling pains etc and not run to the old habbits. u r doing amazing and i admire u and the awesome work u have done u inspire me to keep going and i hope one day to be as  sucessful  and reach goal like you..
Lisa :wave:

ok, so I'm having a bad moment right now. I've been reading a book that has brought a lot of things from my past to the survice and I'm realizing that I haven't dealt with alot of these things. But I'm determined to deal with them and put them behind me once and for all. Unfortunately, I've had 2 glasses of wine and 1 beer and now I realize how stupid that was. I probably shouldn't even be typing this..... but oh well you all get to see me at my worst. Thankfully, hubby has all the kids with him and I'm home alone so they don't have to see me like this. I am a christian but I've come to realize that I haven't delt with some of my skeletons in my past. I was molested at age 12, brutialy raped, foced into prostetution, and beaten badly all before I was 19 years old and so on.... believe it or not it gets worse. But anyway, I know that God has forgiven me, set me free and I must embrace His grace and forgiveness for me. I pray this doesn't set me back and cause me to GRAZE on JUNK food. Ok.... I'm rambling and I don't even know what the point of this post is...... but hey, what can I say.... I've had too much to drink. Tomorrow is a new day and I will get back on track and be in deep, deep prayer that God will help me through this difficult time. I want my past to be my past and not haunt my present..... may God help me.  Thanks for listening to my ramblings. Sorry.

tears in my eyes reading about your wonderful child. What if just maybe a stroke cures autism not saying anyone should go through what you are but what if they had a way to produce the same kind of brain rejuvenation to where it helps autism. I don't know just amazes me how much you are doing. You are a fantastic mother and I know about losing patience I do that alot with Nicholas as well. I look forward to your post and how well she is doing.
Dee

Well another no change week. 191.4 but hey I am hopeful soon I will be on another losing roll again. But did get into a size 14 jeans I cannot remember the last time i wore a size 14.
Been dealing with allergies and having alot of post nasal drip etc.Plays havoic on lap banders when u have a cold or allergy  going on. U can swell the  band with coughing and post nasal drip

Update on my daughter  she is doing so amazing and can now get her self out of bed  . stand and transfer her self from the bed to the wheel chair w/o help and is starting to move her shoulder and elbow some and her smile is comming back, Was reading that not all is a loss when u have a stroke sometimes when u have a brain injury and u develop a new part of your brain u have new talents and she has this amazing penmenship so perfect and beautiful as before well it was not easy to read her handwritting.
Like teaching a child  again and we r past 2nd grade math and onto 3rd grade math. She does have a hard time with reading but i think it is her muscles in her eye that is weak as she can read better with one eye closed. I just read to her for now. we spend our days learning again skills and developing new skills. I never felt I was this a great mother  becasue she has autism  and I would lose my patience so i guess God gave me a chance to do a do over with my daughter. seems she grows a grade each week.
I read this book called My stroke of insight by jill taylor http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_power ful_stroke_of_insight.html 
I must admit  some else that is gone  from my daughters life is any signs of autism is gone I am telling u that my daughter autism is just gone. She does smile alot and has a goofy laugh.I know the road is alot of unknown but what I do know is I HAVE THIS AMAZING 19 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WITH OR W/O AUTISM .
Lisa :WAVE:

Oh yeah I would love to do a ticker and I have had no sucess getting it to load Help.. LOL 

well this week I really got serious I started with walking 2 1/2 miles a day and this week I am doing 2 1/2 when I take the kids to school and then 2 1/2 when my husband comes home so I am kicking up my cardio an dworking on my arms and abs. Goto love the ipod. It keeps me going. I am at 228 I go from 227 to 229 so maybe just maybe with the kick in cardio I will lose more. I have 3 weeks till I go fo rmy 18 month check up and see if I am ready for my tummy tuck. I was hoping to be at 200 then have it then I would be at about 175-180 afte but I just don't think that is possible. 5right now I think most of my weight is the hanggong skin. I have 5 pounds about on my arms and 20-25 on my belly and at least 10 on my thighs. I talked to a plastic surgeon and for a breat lift with implats it was about 7000 but for a thigh lift it was over 9000 sorry I would rather have my girls back and wear spank for the rest of my life lol.
ok sorry long
dee

highest 364
dos        349
today      228
total loss 136