Husband wants to leave

My husband came to me the other day and told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't think that i was happy either.  Things have been strained lately but i had no idea he was thinking of leaving.  He and I are very different.  he likes to go out with his friends and i would rather hang out at the house.  i'm not a very affectionate person and he is always touchy feely.  i want things to work out and for him to stay but now everything seems like it is an appeasement. (sp?)  He asked if i wanted to get his mom to watch our daughter tomorrow night so we could go out.  i asked to do what and he said to hang out with friends.  well, for one thing, they're not my friends.  they're his.  and i don't like going to bars and i especially don't like havign to be the designated driver.   when we were dating and first got married he drank alot and i always ended up being the driver.  i had to put up with his drunken nonsense then and i now he's better and doesn't drink that often but i don't want that to start again.  he goes out with his friends.  always with someone to drive him around and i stay home with our daughter.  what i thought was the perfect situation.  apparently, not to him.

when i told him i didn't really care anything about going out to a bar, he kinda acted like he was mad and then told me goodbye on the phone without saying i love you.  he never does that.  so it almost feels like he's just as upset about losing his live in designated driver as anything else.

i'm confused.  i don't know what to do.  i can't spend the rest of my life trying to make him happy while doing things that i don't enjoy.  maybe it isn't meant to be.  but for a lot of reasons i don't want it to end.

Thanks for listening.
Confused and Unhappy

After WLS can be so tough. Our significant others can be very afraid of how much we will change and whether we will want them anymore. It is valid concern, many times we 'settled' or have partners who are attracted to bigger people in the first place.
It was pretty rocky around here for awhile. My hubby really missed my curves. When the girls deflated, he was not always kind about some of the comments he made and it made me freaked out and insecure. I really truly felt he no longer found me attactive and then where would be be? I think some of it was his way of trying to gets some digs in in case I no longer found him good enough (as if!).
Well, he has finally made the adjustment and things are much better. Well, except for when I am going thru emotional stuff and take it out on him...
The big thing we have done is to do things together. It may not always be things that he wants to do or things that only I want to do but we take turns. You cannot sustain a relationship without remaining a couple and doing things together. Maybe, you need to find something that both of you like to do. Make time to sit down and talk it out. Going out with friends all the time is just a way of avoiding what is going on. However, staying home all the time is not a solution either-what are you avoiding? You need to do something for each other. You might have to go out once in awhile. Maybe, you could plan a romantic evening at home. If you no longer have a connection, you need to work on it, it is possible to regain one.
I really hope this helps.

 Thanks.  That makes a lot of sense.  i've decided to bend a little and go out with him and his friends net weekend.  But other than completely changing who i am, i don't know what much good it will do.

i don't feel like i'm runing from anything by staying at home.  i love staying ome with my daughter wathcing tv or palying games.

but i understand what you are saying and will make an effort.

Thanks!

Boy oh boy does this sound similar to a conversation me and my dh had the other night!  My dh is 8 years younger than me (I'm 60 and he's 52) and, although we enjoy each other's company sometimes, we both tend to be homebodies and many of our interests are totally different.  I'm a cardmaker and crafter and love to spend time in my craft room making greeting cards or on the computer.  I'm a bit of a loner.  He is a little more outgoing and loves to watch television, work on antique cars in the garage, and talk to me.  He likes to talk about money, bills and sex---ALL THE TIME!  He has also stated that he feels I might leave him when I'm finished losing weight.  He also says he feels like he's single sometimes, so I've been spending more time with him and he's happier now.  I love him dearly and I think it's worth spending more time with him so we are more like a couple.  Christmas was our 16th wedding anniversary.  Marriage is a lot of work and this is my third (and final) marriage...LOL!

Congrats on the 16 years.  We just celebrated our 10th.  You sound like me.  I actually like to be alone.

He thinks things have gotten better now.  I've opened myself up to be a little more cuddle friendly and he's taking advantage of it.  Since our talk, its like i can't walk through the house without him trying to hug me or touch me in some way.

I guess I'm just weird.  I don't like to be touched and held alot.

That's another thing that kinda bothers me.  When i was big, he could care less that i wanted to stay home.  But now that i'm thin and all his friends are telling him how hot they think i am, i personally think they are just joking him to get under his skin, but anyway, now he wants me to go out with him.

it's like he wants to show me off or something.

Hope things work out for you.