Going it alone

Well my hubby and i decided it would be best to call it quits. I am Gonna start to look for a job and move out asap. I felt it is best i move out so he cannot hold anything over my head. I Thought i would be so upset but what does this really mean WHEN I AM ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO BE FREE?, He said he cannot live with  my Disassociative disorder and want a normal wife not a mentally sick wife.. Ouch!! But I cannot blame him he does deserve a quote normal wife. I think alot of things happened and I think maybe having the tummy tuck was the catalyst or his insecurties  comming out and my pass flaws he cannot forgive or forget, He said he has anger issues over My disassociative disorder and what it has done to our marriage relationship trust. I am scared and not sure how to break it to kids but i told him we will break it to them when I have my place rented, I have never been on my own sense college and even then he was my boyfriend so being along and w/o a man will be a new experience for me.

I have been eating junk food I think I am numbing my pain and not doing real well. I started to rip out my hair and eyelashes. eating cheetos and cookies. Tommorrow new day. Lisa

Take a deep breath Lisa. You are a strong woman. You know we are there for ya..
My hubby and I had a real rocky path ourselves but things finally settled down and are getting better.
The thing I noticed after surgery that is hardest on those around us is that we finally value ourselves. By making ME a priority-it is not selfishness, it is survival.
Keep all this in mind. Having to keep pushing yourself to the back could be a lot of the reason for your problems.

Lisa.........divorce is not easy. I separated from my (ex) husband when my daughter was just 18 months old. For the past 13 years, I have been doing it all alone. And ya know what? I am stronger than ever. I did it all on my own and for that, I am proud! And you will find your strngth and carry on. There will be bumpy roads ahead, but as you overcome each obstacle, you gain more strength. You are a new you! Do what;s right for yourself! Just remember, we are all here for you.

Shar

Hang in there Lisa.  I think it is hard for families to adjust to the new you.  For so many years you put your family first and now you are finally doing something for you.  My husband tells me I have become a princess and it's all about me!  I finally feel good about me and have a new outlook on life.  I do things for me.  I go tanning, get my nails done and shop more for clothes.  It is about time.  I just think husbands have a problem with this new stronger person.  Remember we are here for you.  Jan

Wow Jan love the pic u look sooooooooooooo youthful and simply beautiful  I think it has been so hard to think of me and not be selfish, I sometimes wonder if I am over dosing on me time and not spending it on my kids or marriage. But to be where I am at today I had to invest in me and spend time improving on me, I did not drop to 168lbs w/o out alot hard hard work, I have never been the type of person to express how I feel it was so much easier to grab a soda or bag a chips, cookies and swallow down the feelings. I have had to learn by comming here to express how I feel and where my head is at. I guess I could have journeled it but it never writes back.I hardly see men post here why do they recover so differently. I mean my hubby is RNY and post 2 1/2 years out and never posts here. He told me he has no one to talk to or confided in w/o exposing my skeltons. His best friend is in prison tell 2010 and he was his only true friend he could confide in,
We had a long talk in car last night and we seem to lost the ability to talk to each other as it usually ends up as a fight but I told him u know if i had cancer of the brain and it caused some bizzare behaviour would u walk out door or would u see it was the cancer talking? So why is it hard to except it is DID talking? Do you think I want to be this way? I have gone threw 10 years of extensive therpy and my diagnosis was explained to you and u just did not invest time in us for what ever reason. He had gone to a few bad therpist that had no clue what a true MPD was and told him she is unsalavagable and divorce her. I told him I am not a bad person deep inside I am still Lisa just I have alters that can come out and mess up my life and make bad choices. But for most part  the real me is here in moment. I know he is in alot of pain. The talks were intense and so hard for me to stay in moment as Lisa. I told him i am not like cybil or that new show united states of tara way out there, Only 5% of Disassociative disorderpeople are that bizzare and extreme. I said after going to 3 psychologist  that all came up with same diagnosis so it is apparent i have DID. Sad part I thought it meant I had a hard time relating to people. Was not tell another girl that  had same disorder told me what it really meant and I was in shock and sick. I thought I was crazy lady and she told me oh hon  everyone has some degree in them we just swing alittle more it is like driving to some where and u arrive there and u have no idea how u got there but u did. we just made a pit stop on way here. I remember my first experence in adult life  25 years ago walking out of a store and not know who I was and where I was and freaking out. I could not even remember where my car was. I had my purse and inside it I had incase of emergency contact and I went to pay phone and called my hubby saying I am not sure who u r and he told me Lisa it is me  your husband and he said don't move I am comming to get you. I know a few of you have come out of a store and wonder now where in heck did I park I don't rememeber were I park and  hit panic button to find car. well that is what it is like with DID moment I am confused and cannot rememeber what the heck I just did. Just mine are longer in duraction.
Does this make sense to anyone? Thanks everyone to contine to get me threw this hard time. U guys are simply amazing and so strong and u guys have not run away,

Lisa
Well it is time to take my daughter to therpy

My thoughts and prayers are with you Lisa. I know this is a hard decision but it may be the best thing that ever happened to you... aside from weight loss! You're gonna do just fine... and we are all here for you.

Im so sorry & glad for you.. If you believe this is best then I certinally hope the best for you. 
hugs,

I really hope  I am stronger  I am holding up ok, Funny now that we decided to call it quits we are actually talking  more and we both are trying to act like adults about this and putting the kids first, I refuse to use the kids as pawns in a divorce and will work with him completely  when children are involved, He did say he will pay for my boob job but  he kinda feel guility about it at same time and thinks vanity here or maybe insecure I will look to  sexy but he  said will help me get my body to where it should be after all he had some work done after he lost alot of the weight only fair he said keeping a promice 
I think with the His type of work high stress job kids disability medical and my surgery has take a toll on family and mainly us as a couple seems we never took time out for just us.He grew up in a very dysfunctional family and today as his parents are dying the family adult children cannot come together and put aside their differences.
I come from a strong family unit and are there when needed, When we lost are grand daughter Katie my whole family showed up to the funereal and none of his family showed up yet alone knowlege the passing of katie except his parents and they were brought by my parents other wise they would not show up and  reason was  hubby left the catholic church and were not about to step in another house of worship. Hence black sheep.I am not knocking down any catholic as I am sure this happens in every faith and every family. Even non beleivers will not step in any church this can happen.
I was raised with tolerence to all walks of faith and also excepting those that did not beleive in God. I feel we all have free agency to beleive  or not to beleive. I see the world so different  than most and I can get along with almost anyone and If i don't like you then that means u r really bad seed. I see people as who they are and value they bring to your life and I forget if they r poor rich  a drug past ot where ever they came from I do try to look for the good in all people.So where am i going with this?   I feel bad walking out of my promice to my hubby but we are so different in our thinking, I am a free spirted thinker born to be wild and he is mr conservative. I feel after losing all this weight I am finally living to the person I was suppose to be, I think he never grew mentally into a thin fat thin  person world where I have I want to go out and experience life I felt because all my molestation etc and fat  held me back  I had missed out in alot in alot of lifes pleasures adventures   For him staying home curled up in bed watch a tv show is heaven I think he is embracing the senor citizen lifestyle and he married to a teenager  me.  I want to see things and do things, we will not even touch the bedroom differences but let me tell u this u know vanilla is good but sometimes u need to taste the 31 flavors every now and then and he still wants to keep eating vanilla. he thinks buying a sexy nitie is wrong Not sure if it is a religious stand point wrong or waste of money as it would come off so what is the point and he says I don't know which it is . I met my hubby when I was 14 and he was there the nite I was stabbed raped and left for dead on side of the road. We have alot of history together I am scared to be alone. Am i making a big mistake leaving him? We are night a day different now.
How has everyone marriage or relationship changed after weight loss? I mean he had WLS he did not change, But for me I did I was morbid obese my whole life and childhood and for him he was only morbid the last 10 years he was a thin skinny person before that,
I am rambling on but I am so confused this am. I just sometimes want to say stop we can work threw this but I am afraid the probelm will be the same he cannot excet the new me and my new way of thinking, the strong new me. I cannot go back to being everyones door mat. and he has to let go of the old door mat person me  I want him to embrace the new me. Maybe I need to give him time but to be honest I think everytime he see the new body he thinks he is cheating on me in his head hence why he got real spirtual  guilty  trip lately, Anyone have simular insights to this? I mean men are visual beings and  momma had a brad new body and he cannot beleive it is me he has walked passed me in crowds and was looking for the fat lady. No where in brochere did they say this is what happens after WLS.
L

Lisa,
I feel your pain. My husband and I split up 6 weeks ago today. I have been under a lot of stress and now I am laying here in the hospital again. My pancreatitis is flared up and my Dr says it is probably from my stress level being off the charts!
Remember to take one day at a time and that we are all here for each other
Cindy