It's Inky

Go****'s good to have you back Inky and Jessica and Susan!
The feelings of failure have been chasing me all along this journey. As I lost weight, I gained self confidence and I was not willing to be the person who had to always be giving and trying so hard to be accepted. I have many relationships that were severed. They no longer seemed to like me when I wasn't saying yes to them all the time.
Failure at body image. I lost the weight and look really good in clothes but out of them-not so great. It has caused issues between hubby and me. As hard as I tried-the comments about my lack of boobs and butt do get to me. He has been very supportive but in my heart I do not think he finds me attractive anymore. This is some very hard truths I am sharing with my A team.
Biggest blow-I worked at my job for 20 yrs-finally got a chance at a promotion and didn't get it. I was very qualified, know I had a great interview (I had communications in college) but it went to someone I trained instead. I did not have the right family name and this just tore out my heart. It just brought back all my feelings of not being good enough-ya know??
So, I want you all that have been struggling at not being at goal to know that the weight loss does not make everything rosey.Hard to believe-I am 5'10-wear a size 4 pant, I am below goal and I still struggle with life. This journey is about finding ourselves, finding our happiness and just keeping on fighting....

Thanks Crystal.  I guess lots of us have gone by the wayside for a while, but it's good the new year brings us home again.  Being back feels very okay, though I am not going on any other OH boards so I can just manage to handle one chain of thought regarding wieght/surgery, etc. 

I hope you are doing really well and happy Crystal :)

You are not a failure. You have accomplished so much. We put so much pressure on ourselves. We're alive and we're healthy. Welcome back. Now the important question, any new tattoos? ;-) I have to live vicariously through you. I actually did get one, but its where the sun don't shine. Someday I'll leave this conservative world behind....

Hi Jessica!! Size 8 pants - holy cow, ditch the ticker is right!!  I am still in 12/14's.  I have a few pair of 10's waiting for me in the deep recesses of my closet - that's my goal size.

Congrats on your ink - do tell what it is ;)

I did get another tattoo while I was away - I got the date of my surgery in roman numerals right by my "50 pound panther."  I refuse to do any more until I get to goal as a further motivator :)  I still have plans for the exploding scale someday.  Maybe the day I can fit into my size 10 pants, hahaha.

one pound at a time baby, one at a time!

Hope you are doing well Jessica, and thank you for welcoming me home!

You know I just got done reading everyones posts and I just want to say.... I'm so glad I've had the opportunity to get to know all you wonderful people! Welcome back Inky, it's so good to hear from you again and the rest of you old-timers who just recently came back. It sounds like we are all struggling with many of the same issues... you know it's good to know I'm not alone in this journey.

Love & Hugs to all my A-Team buddies!!!! I'd be lost without you guys!

Oh Inky, it's so great to see you! Seriously, you must know you are a success after losing 134 lbs, but I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm still 50 lbs away from "goal" and despite wearing size 8 I sometimes feel like a failure. It's so comforting to know we're not alone. We can do this together! I don't know if this is helpful or not, but you may want to drastically increase your vitamin D3 (dry form). I take 5,000 ius twice a day and am thinking about adding a 3rd dose. There's lots of new evidence that people need a lot more than previously thought, and since we malabsorb, we really have to be on top of it. Vit D deficiency can cause depression and lethargy, so it's just a thought...

Yay, Inky's back!!!!   Welcome back, girl.  I've missed you.

Haven't had time to read and digest (eeps- food word!) all the notes in this string of them, but will come up with something more philosophical later.  I'm not as regular in this forum as I have been, so I'm just now seeing this.

Later, A-Team.

Marcia