having a moment......

ok, so I'm having a bad moment right now. I've been reading a book that has brought a lot of things from my past to the survice and I'm realizing that I haven't dealt with alot of these things. But I'm determined to deal with them and put them behind me once and for all. Unfortunately, I've had 2 glasses of wine and 1 beer and now I realize how stupid that was. I probably shouldn't even be typing this..... but oh well you all get to see me at my worst. Thankfully, hubby has all the kids with him and I'm home alone so they don't have to see me like this. I am a christian but I've come to realize that I haven't delt with some of my skeletons in my past. I was molested at age 12, brutialy raped, foced into prostetution, and beaten badly all before I was 19 years old and so on.... believe it or not it gets worse. But anyway, I know that God has forgiven me, set me free and I must embrace His grace and forgiveness for me. I pray this doesn't set me back and cause me to GRAZE on JUNK food. Ok.... I'm rambling and I don't even know what the point of this post is...... but hey, what can I say.... I've had too much to drink. Tomorrow is a new day and I will get back on track and be in deep, deep prayer that God will help me through this difficult time. I want my past to be my past and not haunt my present..... may God help me.  Thanks for listening to my ramblings. Sorry.

Don't you go apologizing for sharing your feelings in here Lisa.  I hope by now you are asleep and that tomorrow in the light of day you feel better.  The past is often an awful place, and you certainly had some very bad things happen to you.  I hope that you seek therapy and help for this.  It's not because I am not a religious person, but you need to help yourself through this all by talking it out and that may require therapy to deal with it, more than just prayer. 

We're always here for you, to listen, or read as it were, and be there for you.  Don't every apologize.
You are better than your past, and I know you know that.  It's called a "past' for a reason, but we often have to deal with it to more foward.

Hugs to you,

Lisa we have alot in common and  sometimes the demends of the past creep on us.Most of us morbid obese come from a horrific past and food was out best freind our drug of choice was food but if we are not dealing with why we became so heavy will will seek out transfer addiction, Some positive  transfer addiction could be exercise, We no longer use food to cope with the feeling of the past. I cannot over eat or i will vomit  and get sick. I do have this depression that justs grips every fiber of my being and feel so hopeless and overwhelmed and I cannot do anything productive, I was exerciseing before my shoulder probvlems and now daughter's stroke has put me on hold.
I feel so paralysed in depression. I am so glad I do not drink as i would be such a heavy drinker by now.

You are noticing u are having a problem and u have nothing to be sorry about and u r fighting back this time. we all our gonna have set back from time to time just we need to realy focus on the thoughts feeling pains etc and not run to the old habbits. u r doing amazing and i admire u and the awesome work u have done u inspire me to keep going and i hope one day to be as  sucessful  and reach goal like you..
Lisa :wave:

Thanks Lisa & Inky! You are both so right and I do plan on talking things out with a therapist. I feel much better today aside from a headache. I'm really not a drinker and I hardly ever touch the stuff unless I share a glass of wine with hubby now & then. But last night there where some things brought to the surface and well I just didn't want to face them so I relaxed with a couple glasses of wine... not a good habbit to start.

But today is a new day and I am ready to conquer my past once and for all. I will not let it dictate my future and ruin all my weight loss efforts. I've come too far to throw it all away on things that happened many, many years ago. Thanks ladies for listening to my ramblings.

Hugs!

We're here for you, Lisa.  You are strong!  You can do it!  God is in control.  Look at everything you've overcome.  Of course God has forgiven you, if indeed there is anything to be forgiven (how much of it was your fault and how much was forced on you?).  Glad you've got a therapist whom you can talk to.  And yes, don't ever apologize to us.  We all have issues we have to deal with. 

We love you, girl.
Marcia


 

Lisa,
The things that happened to you, HAPPENED to you. You were not the cause of the events. Guilt is a terrible thing and so is blame. Stop blaming yourself for what someone else did to do, Only then, will you be able to deal with it and heal. We are all here for you and all believe in you and your goodness.

Shar

Lisa, your willingness to share your experience is such a powerful thing. I bet if we all came clean, we would find many of us had some pretty bad thngs happen to us in the past. The very fact that you reached out to us is a huge step. It means you can start to move forward. It lessens the strength of the past. It puts you firmly pointing towards the future. I feel very priviledged that you felt you could share with us and I will always be here when you need a boost, a laugh or a cry.
Sisters in this journey...
Sharra

Hi Lisa, my heart goes out to you. I'm sure many of us can relate to your feelings of confronting a bad past. I too was molested, and the weight gain was my way of protecting myself. As I've lost weight I've had a hard time with appearing small and vulnerable. I don't know what I would do without therapy. Now and then it gets overwhelming, and like you, I have a meltdown, but then I pick myself back up and keep going. Congratulations on how far you've come! You should be very proud of yourself for having the courage to face these issues, and that you have found spiritual peace! Take care, Lisa-you are not alone in your struggle.