Ice Cream "Meltdown"

I'm now 16 months out from surgery.... And in those 16 months I can honestly say, without even thinking twice, that I have had sugar on two occasions. Neither one of them being intentional. One was my fault, and one wasn't. Anyhow.. So I haven't had sugar in over a year... I haven't eaten a regular potato chip in over a year.. I haven't snacked on cookies, or binged on chocolate... I haven't stuffed myself silly on any kind of food... I haven't touched a french fry, or a cheese steak, or candy... I have not eaten ANYTHING bad in over a year. I know my triggers... I know what I can allow myself to have, and not to have... I've sat around and watched others snacking on chocolate, or eating mcdonalds, drinking milkshakes, ect.... Sat by and watched. And I've stuck by that for over a year. I treated myself down the shore to two pieces of sugar free chocolate that made me feel absolutely awful. The sugar alcohol was enough to make me feel horrible. I've worked hard, I've exercised.. I've pushed myself harder and harder... Most of you know I'm really tough on myself. I've had a few episodes where the scale was ruling my life.. I've been obsessive about losing weight, and my food, and my caloric intake, my protein intake, making sure all my vitamin levels are correct... It has NOT been an easy ride, and I never expected it to be. A lot of the issues lie within myself, and myself only. I don't want, or feel the need to see a psychologist about anything, because truthfully, I've been able to work through my issues mostly by myself, and with Norm's, and all of your help. Anyway, back to being tough on myself... this is how horrible I am. Sunday is our grocery shopping day usually... and I decided a few days ahead of time that I DESERVED to treat myself to a ½ c of sugar free ice cream. It was going to be a reward to myself... I was going to allow myself to indulge for once. Norm went into another aisle while I was browsing the sugar free ice creams. I picked up a few gallons, read the nutritional info, and quickly put them down.. I proceeded to do this about, and I kid you not... about 6 times with maybe 7-8 different cartons. Then, I was feeling panicky... almost like I was about to have some kind of a panic attack... I felt my eyes well up... Norm came back and I stormed out of the aisle... I felt like, and this is crazy, not only that I wouldn't be able to control myself if I bought the ice cream, but I felt like I didn't deserve it. I felt that if I bought that ice cream, everything that I had worked for, and everyone who looked up to me, would be let down. I know this is an insane way to think... but it's what I felt. I was so upset/angry/frustrated/confused, that when we got home, I cried. I cried about ice cream... not that I had eaten a ton of it, and regretted it, but I cried because I wasn't sure if I necessarily deserved to eat it. I know Norm told me he's experienced this before... but has anyone else? Because I can not believe the way I allowed myself to feel in a grocery store... about ICE CREAM! Norm said we're going to go to Wegman's so we can look at their s/f ice cream... Apparently they have different brands and whatever that other stores don't carry... I'm hoping I can pick up a gallon of ice cream without giving myself a panic attack. Lol...

Was really not about sugar free ice cream it is what it stood for that made u panic. Here u have lost amazing amount of weight sticking to the program and u were in control of your life and at one time u had no control over your life. Lets face it none of us had control of our lives being morbid obese. To you I suspected it felt like u were cheating kinda like cheating on your spouse. Some people who cheat on their spouse feel sick after they decided they were gonna threw with it. Like no turning back now once u indulge into something u decided u were not gonna do tell now. Actually I choose to eat skinnny fudge bar only had 50 calories and I feel great i made a good choice. TRY TO RELAX ...TO YOU U FELT U WERE CHEATING ON YOUR DIET/ SCALE. You have done a amazing job. U will have to learn to live like a former obese person and the only differerence is u r in control and this is a new way of life and thinking before u would not given a care to ice cream you were eating. It will balance out Lisa

I don't know if this applies or will help at all.. but I'll give it a shot. When I was a kid I made a promise to myself. I saw my older sister get her heart broken by many a guy and get pregnant many times and have many abortions. Because of the wounds she carried she got into drinking and eventually her life just continued to go down. I swore to myself that I wouldn't go down that road with her. So for my entire teenage and young adult years, I refused to kiss any guy and hardly dated. It was by choice, and not because I didn't have guys interested. But I stood firm. I closed my heart to anyone that wanted near it. I thought the safest way to keep my heart in one piece was not to kiss a guy till my wedding day. I know that seems a bit far out to most.. (but so does not eating chocolate for over a year!) Anyways.. I'm 22 years old and I meet Paul. (who has now been my husband for 10 years now). We where cuddling on the couch together watching a movie and he (without any warning that I could tell) kisses me. I totally go into a HUGE panic! I begin to cry and beg him to take me home. You would have thought I had just lost my virginity I was so hysterical! Panic isn't the word I felt.. my whole world crashed in around me. And Paul was so confused. I remember him saying.. "I kiss her.. and she cries.. this ISN'T how it's supposed to be!" So he takes me home and I'm up the rest of the night trying to process what just happened and why I felt the way I did. I realized that not only was I fearful of allowing myself to feel love, but also I thought that those feelings where the same as living the lifestyle my sister fell victim to. And I had put so much security in the fact that I have "Never" *insert action here*. Your success in weight loss is NOT because you have *Never*. It is because you are living a healthy lifestyle. Yes, there are triggers we all have to watch out for, and you have done a good job with that. It's not about *Never* but about the good choices you make. Ice cream is not something you deserve, it's just food. You deserve to be happy and feel secure and loved. Does ice cream bring that? (of course not) But maybe the ability to have some without panic is what you really deserve?? As far as the panic attack and melt down when it comes to picking the right one, I do relate because I tend to be a all or nothing type of person. Instead of just being careful with the guys I dated, I just didn't date! Instead of being careful with choices, you just chose not to choose. I know people who swear by that though and they have done quite well. But for me, there always seems to be breaking point with my all or nothing lifestyle. Sooner or later I have to face it. First, ice cream is just food. Not the best idea or choice, but your not going to 'loose your virginity over it'. lol (sorry if I'm taking the analogy too far!) Your not going to gain all the weight back or undo all the hard work you have done. Not unless you want to. Bad foods don't control you.. you do. Ice cream isn't evil, it's the bad habit of eating too much that is. I sure hope this has helped and I really wanted you to know I can relate a bit. I think your doing WONDERFUL and you deserve to feel great about that. Ice cream or not... just know that your a success and no bowl of ice cream can undo that unless you let it. -Shakeira

Okay flame me if you want, but you have been sooooo good and you deserve something sweet. Go have a Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks. Or some orange calorie sugar free tic-tacs. Or something really guilt inducing like cold stone. Sweet Jesus - its been almost 1.5 years since you've had your surgery - treat yourself to SOMETHING!!! You deserve it!!! I can't do ice cream, I really can't. I've tried many, many times and it always makes me so sick. But that doesn't mean you can't have some Hot Tamales or an icee or somethingggggggg?!!!?!!

Everyone is different - that is my wls mantra. My mom and my sisters have also had the surgery, all of us starting out with similar weights and similar builds and similar everything - and you know what? we are ALL different!! We all have different weight losses and different favorite foods and dumping foods and etc, etc. What works for me does not work for them. Do what works for you - stay out of the ice cream aisle as long as you need to or make yourself sick on a box of milk duds in the mean time. You are far enough out that you aren't AREN'T I repeat AREN'T going to screw up. You are ALREADY successful.

Sorry I don't post more. I really should. I drink wine and eat sugar and don't drink water. Oh and the working out sucks, I don't do that either. But I have been so successful, more so than I ever imagined. This surgery will work for you if you believe in yourself.

Go get some chocolate chip cookie dough :) You deserve it!!!!