Confession good for the soul?
I wish I could say that I only transgressed once, but I've sinned many, many times, with all sorts of desserts. I'm really struggling with learning how to not turn to that crap when I'm feeling down or stressed out. A low point was last week when I ate a whole cherry turnover in my car in the bakery parking lot. It was such a flashback to how I used to behave before surgery. I don't ever want to get to that point again! I had promised myself I would never eat in secret in my car again, and there I was, cramming that thing into my mouth as fast as I could, because I didn't want anyone at home to see me eating it. I felt like hell afterwards, and couldn't eat dinner, so my protein for the day sucked. Anyway, the next day I was back on track, and there's where the important difference is. Before, I would have just thrown in the towel and given up, and binged for the next few weeks. Now, I know that if I can do my part the RNY is always there to help me and I'll succeed. It's all a matter of perspective. I plan to keep trying my best and to work on learning better coping methods, to get to the root of my emotional pain so I can heal myself and love myself enough to eat in a healthy way, and not destroy my health with junk food. In the meantime, I forgive myself and feel so grateful to not be in the same position I was last year. Thanks for posting this-it's important to me to know that I'm not the only one who has a hard time sticking to the plan.
"It made me feel terrible... and I won't be doing it again. "
Yeah, but how did it taste? 
Ya know, I've given into temptation MORE than once 
and I have to say, the TASTE now just isn't worth it to me.
It's never what I had thought it to be, never gives me the "AHHH,,FINALLY!" feeling of satisfaction I was anticipating, the feeling I used to have when I ate something I had REALLY been craving. Have my tastes changed that severely or do I just now have an extra strict conscience that just won't allow me to enjoy it? I don't know 
Plus, I sometimes feel physically ICKY afterwards which is REAL incentive to back off.
Don't be so hard on yourself. As Shar said "Moderation is the key!"
PamT
Ya know, I've given into temptation MORE than once and I have to say, the TASTE now just isn't worth it to me.
It's never what I had thought it to be, never gives me the "AHHH,,FINALLY!" feeling of satisfaction I was anticipating, the feeling I used to have when I ate something I had REALLY been craving. Have my tastes changed that severely or do I just now have an extra strict conscience that just won't allow me to enjoy it? I don't know Plus, I sometimes feel physically ICKY afterwards which is REAL incentive to back off.
Don't be so hard on yourself. As Shar said "Moderation is the key!"
PamT Thank you for your post.. you are so right!
It really didn't satisfy me like I thought it would. See, I made a law in my head saying.. "thou shalt NOT have a apple fritter" LOL And in doing so I made it bigger then it was. Kinda like if you see the speed limit is 60.. nearly everyone is going at least 65.. enough to go over.. but not enough to get in trouble.
So maybe if I keep it in my head that I deserve better then that apple fritter.. I might have a better chance of victory over the bakery demons! ;)
I guess that's the difference between the diet and loving your body mentality.
-Shakeira
Thank you Inky. I really feel such support here. And that is true that it wasn't just one apple fritter or ONE of anything for that matter that got me to my heaviest weight. It was a lifestyle and a mindset. And I don't ever want to go back there.. though I know I could if I'm not careful.
Thanks again,
shakeira
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