Someone help me understand..long post.. sorry

could it be posssible I married your ex? LOL -Shakeira

You know what Shakeira when I read your post I cried so hard. Oh hun I am so sorry that the words have hurt you. but you know what you do understand what makes him tick better than anyone. And you see the problems with what he is saying. I have been in your shoes. I dated a guy like that and I remember the dreaded she is cute. All our lifes we have wanted so badly to be drop dead gorgeous. and we have never been told this well you know what ....no matter what weight you are and no matter if you lose another pound or not in my eyes YOU Shakeira are drop dead gorgeous.. and you are as normal as you are ever going to get just like 100lbs. ago you have always been normal hun. You are just you. And it is ok to be the way you are. I think your husband needs to figure out where your size controls him. It does not matter but like you said men are visual. Well hun you hang in there and next time he asks tell him you are not sure if you want to lose any more. Tell him if you do it will be for your reasons not his.

Thank you! Reading your post made me cry! I guess this hurt WILL drive me to just loving myself no matter what size I am. It is his loss really.. I'm going to enjoy all 210 lbs of me.. even if he doesn't! If I loose more weight..I'm okay too.. but I'm sick of concentrating on it everyweek. I just want to live life.. and not wait until I'm a certain size... does that make sense? I'm not against loosing anymore weight.. but I just don't want to focus on it... I would much rather focus on the fact that I'm eating good healthy food and drinking my water and taking my vitamins.. and that I can run a mile. I did tell him last night.. that if I loose another pound it will be because I want too.. not because I want to please him. His feelings where hurt a bit.. but I think he understands. He will have to deal with it.. just like I have to deal with his fat-phobia. Thank you for the compliments. It surprised me how much I depended on his approval.. I don't want to live like that. There will always be a critic around.. too bad I have gone and had kids with the man. You all are so wonderful for helping me and listening. I feel really supported. -Shakeira

"I just want to live life.. and not wait until I'm a certain size... does that make sense?" Yes that does make sense and you know what you have the right idea....People can live their lives worried every minute if they are normal and you know what they miss smelling the beautiful flowers. So living the way you want is great and you know what I think you are seeing things in a new light. Hang in there and believe in yourself and you are worth more than your husband will ever know. Thin or heavy you are still you and the A-team loves you.

Shakeira, I just looked at your pictures. You look great! I think your husband's an idiot. Just sayin'. Marcia

Awww thanks!! I would honestly like to loose around 40 lbs more..(just to have a normal BMI) but NOT the 70 my idiot hubby wishes for. But if I don't reach my goal weight.. I am fine too.. I am living life in ways I never dreamed of!! I have friends that are telling me I don't need to loose anymore and that I look great just the way I am. I have to tell you that feels good. And thank you for the encouragement.. I really need it! -Shakeira

I am still mad about what your husband said I even told my mother and husband that if he ever talked to me like that there would be serious issues! We need to be loved and accepted and exsp by our loved ones. I hope he relizes what a catch he has and if not show him the door! Dont know what ya got till its gone lol. I know I don't know the full relationship and belive me When I was gaining weight my husband almost had an afaire I was crushed because had his boss been all for it he would of threw away our marrige. I felt like such a loser and unloved and gained even more weight. None should ever have that type of power over us. I still live with that even though he is sorry it is always there I forgave but never forgot. He knows that for that is the one deal breaker I will not ever stay with a man who cheats I will never cheat I demand the same. ok wow let a lot out huh? Just want you to know love yourself at any size! dee

Shakeira....First off I just want to hug you. I am so sorry that your husband feels this way. My husband married me at my highest (298). I had my surgery 4 months after we got married. This was one of my worries before I had my surgery. I spent the 2 months after I found out I was going to get to have my surgery worrying about how my husband was going to react once I lost the weight. I was so worried that I told him if he thought we were going to have problems at any time that I wouldn't have the surgery. He said that he would never leave me, but he was worried that I would find someone more attractive and leave him. Now, he still, as he did before, tells me everyday that he thinks I am beautiful, and he points out the little things that are changing. He can put his arms all the way around me. He can pick me up. He has even noticed that the sex is better. He is loving it, but is happy whenever I want to stop losing. It sounds to me that your husband needs to take a step back and see the things that have changed for you and appreciate the little things. Maybe you need to ask him what exactly it is he is hoping will be different once you reach "HIS" goal weight that he has set for you. See what his expectations are. They may be in line with the way things really are now and he doesn't see it, or they may be totally off the wall. I was afraid that I would need counseling after surgery, but I never thought my husband would need it. Maybe that's what he needs. He needs to understand that this is a big emotional rollercoaster for you, and if he can't accept you the way that you are, then you shouldn't accept him the way he is, and you don't have to. Sorry for the long post, this is just something that is very close to me because I worried about it so much before my surgery. I really feel for you in this situation. My unspoken ****il now) thought is, you can find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But, if I said that then I would be going against everything that I had told my husband before surgery. I better just stop here. I hope that things work our for you.

I read through your posts and was not sure what to say. I think he's being a jacka$$. My hubby has been accepting and could not be more supportive. We had a bit of a rough patch when he started making comments that when I lost weight I would be dumping him and getting a boyfriend. I jumped all over him about it and made it clear that we are STUCK with each other. Thick & thin!! He has gotten more comfortable about how I look and all the attention I receive. I can just imagine what a journey it has been for him also. I do not know what else to say but that you have my support!