Libido woes?

Hey A-Team, Back in July some of us were posting about our lack of interest in sex. I didn't post, but I was having the same problem too. We were hoping it was temporary, and received some assurance that it is from more seasoned WLS folks. However, at 7 months out, I'm still having this problem! I feel awful for my husband. In my earlier, heavy days before surgery, I wanted sex often but he did not. Now the tables have turned and I feel terrible about it. Have the rest of you returned to normal or is there anyone still struggling like I am?

Mine is both I have returned to normal but I have many days now where I would much rather sleep! I think it is I am more active and in return more tired when I finally go to bed. Hang in there it should get better fingers crossed!!

OK I have a question for you....what form of birth control are you using if any??? I am still having troubles in this dept. but I just switched to depo and I had this problem before while on depo....lack of wanting....anything...but it could also be some subconcous messages...

I am embarrassed to admit this, but my husband and I went 2 years without any sex. When I was super morbidly obese, there was nothing, no feeling, no want, no desire. My husband is a saint, thank goodness. I thought it would never come back. I wasn't on any medication except for high blood pressure and I had my tubes tied in 1985, so no birth control, no hormones, nothing. The doctor ran many tests and therapy wasn't helping. I was in my mid-40's and the doc said, well, you might be having menopause, but I wasn't. Even after my RNY I had given up hope. But in the last 2 months, it slowly came back. First with thoughts and then with actions. Now it's returned like the woman I was in my 20's. So it can come back!!! I just wanted you to know that. Please, if you are on any meds, see your doctor, have them run some hormone tests, because after so many years of nothing, and feeling dead that way, getting my sex drive back is in my top 3 reason I love my RNY. Hugs, Inky

Let me tell you that I am in the same boat as you. I will be 7 mos tomorrow, and I have no desire. The more that he pushes me the less I think that I will ever want it. I feel like I am being smothered by this man that I once could not get enough of. I am to the point that I no longer feel bad for my husband because he doesn't seem to be willing to accept the fact that I am not doing this to him. My body is having issues, which I am sure in time will resolve. We have talked to the surgeon and a GYN, yet he still doesn't accept that this is what I have been told is just my body's adjustment period. I have lost almost 125 in 7 months. That is alot!!! He has been told that with the weight loss the estrogen levels freak out causing this problem, yet he does not comprehend. I don't know what the future has in store for us. I am afraid that because of this pressure we may not make it. I honestly can not handle being forced all the time. Sometimes he is physically hurting me, other times it just hurts to know that I basically did not have a choice. When I do say no to him, and I try to do it to not hurt his feelings, he gets all pissed off. He acts like a child and that turns me off even more. When I do say yes, because I do want to please this man that I love, it seems to send him the signal that he can have it whenever he wants it. He gets offended when I tell him that it is my body and my choice. But it is!! Sorry so long I seemed to need to vent and apparently I took the opportunity. Hope you don't mind.

YES! Since surgery my libido has completely switched off. There is certainly a physical reason-the hormone thing and not getting a lot of calories, but in my case there are other factors as well. As I've lost this weight I've felt more vulnerable and it's brought up issues for me. I was abused as a child and never fully processed it. I'm in therapy now to work on that. As I'm going through this process I feel the need to retreat and be my myself. Also, there were things about my relationship with my boyfriend that I didn't like and I held inside for years, and now as I'm having the courage to confront him and express my feelings, I've realized that my witholding sex has been a passive-aggressive way to express my anger with him. It's so complicated! Lately though, I've noticed that I'm getting little fits and starts of a libido back-I have high hopes that I'll soon be a fully active sexual person again-I miss it! Not being able to numb my feelings with food has allowed me to face a lot of buried emotions, and even though it's painful, I'm so grateful that things are coming to the light and I'm learning to work through them.

I don't know if it's because I am single or actual lack of desire but I have zero interest in sex or even men at this point and time. I have so much baggy skin that I feel like a freak of nature and don't think there is a man on earth that would want to look at the flabby skin I am carrying around at the moment. I do hope at some point it will come back but I figure I am young I have plenty of time to wait.

Melissa, You took the words right out of my mouth. No desire and I don't want anyone to see this body. Shar

Thank you everyone, for your responses! It seems that we're mixed all together now. Some of us have gotten our libido back, some of us haven't, and some of us don't want to. Your answers made me think about myself some more, though...Is this purely a physical lack, or is there something mental to it too? I think it may be both. Physically, my body just isn't very responsive yet. Mentally, I think I'm wrapped up in trying to figure out who I am (pardon the cliche!) now that I've lost so much weight and for all appearances really am a different person. My thought patterns and some beliefs have changed since I no longer have to keep quiet and be the way someone else wants me to be to so that I am "liked". Again, thanks for all your replies. I love the A-team. It's good to know we're not alone with the struggles we have. Best of luck to you all with whatever you're struggling with now. I love you guys!! Anna =)

I'm happy to announce my libido is coming back... and hubby couldn't be happier! I strongly believe there is a lot of mental stuff going on as well as hormonal. The mental hang-ups I had before surgery over my appearance seems to be disappearing along with the weight. I feel much more confident in my appearance and mentally it has made me much more willing to be intimate with hubby. I told my hubby before surgery that I will be trading in my rolls for saggy skin so be prepared. He is very supportive and my saggy skin doesn't seem to bother him (corse neither did my rolls...lol). I can also tell that my hormones have kicked and seem to be functioning like when I was in my 20's!!! This is truly a plus! My hubby was shocked (and thrilled) the other night when I ignitiated sex for the first time in over a year! Hang in there A-Team... it'll all start working like it should soon enough.