One from a man's perspective...

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either ...

Here I am taking a step away from David. Get him girls

WOW! You can't cover my back, from waaaaay back there, Bro. Step up, and we'll form a testosterone shield no Sheila can penetrate.... or not . Remember it's just humour folks- not a social commentary. DD

OMG you didn't....That was bad.....

I think i just spit a roasted soy nut out of my nose I was laughing so hard. that's a keeper. Inky

That is sooo funny at first when I read I thought you lost your mind till I got to the end and then I laughed so hard my husband wanted to know what andI read it to him !!!

Oh DD, you kill innocent animals and post offensive jokes, but we love you anyway. It balances out all the estrogen around here, I think...

You never disappoint! For a minute there I was thinking that you were actually being serious and sensitive. Thanks for the laugh!! Keep the jokes coming!!

OmG!!!! that was sooo funny! How funny that USED to be my "sure thing" when I was heavy. Now, all it takes is a couple of glasses of Merlot and some good music, and bang! My hubby can totally relate! LOL.

Our class clown strikes again! Oh DD you are so bad... so very, very bad!!!! I must never let my hubby read this... or it will be the end of my shopping career! LOL!