The Crazies

Thank you for helping me realize what I am feeling is normal. It doesn't stop me from wanting to yell for the rolloercoaster to stop because I want to get off but it is comforting to know I am not the only one going bonkers. Brandy

Inky, Sign me up for the crazy train too...I feel like I am on a rollercoaster of emotions all the time now. I know that I should feel AWESOME since I have lost so much weight and look and feel better than I have in 10 years, but something is just not right inside yet. I still get the blues or get very short tempered and some days don't want to do anything. I used to say I didn't want to go out because I was tired or didn't feel well or clothes didn't fit. Now, I don't have a good excuse since my clothes fit and I have more energy but some days, I still don't want to do things. I still hate shopping for clothes. In fact, I can't find it in me to goto the store to buy new clothes, even though I need some. Well, I actually tried to shop one day but couldn't find any clothes to try on! (In a mall!) The worst part is that I KNOW I should feel great all the time. What a weird feeling it is to know that I should feel as good as I look but that I still feel (and see) the old me! I have thought of going back to therapy, but it depresses me to think I still need it! (how ironic!) Reading everyone's posts reminds me that we have been through alot and have to give ourselves time to heal on the inside as well as on the outside and that this may take some of us longer than others. (Yep, this sounds good...now, I have to convince myself that it doesn't just apply to everyone else, but also to myself!) Take care, Dianne

Sorry for the late response here but I want you to know that you are not alone. I have been going to an eating disorder therapist once a week since before the surgery. I am experiencing the same feelings as you re: anger, wasted time etc... I have been "crazy" for a long time though... What upsets me is that I have been horrendously fat my entire life... Even though I have a boyfriend for 8 years now, I still don't think I have experienced my "first love"... I know what it is like to be used, mentally abused and mistreated by men... Since having the surgery my boyfriend appears to hate my guts more and more and more... All I seem to have are friends from my Doctor's monthly support groups... I have no social life or "real" friends who call me / hang out with me. The surgery and weight loss has physically enabled me to endure the day to day depression I am faced with in my life. 100 pounds ago I would concede and resign to believing I deserved nothing in life - therefore when people treated me terribly I would happily put up with it. What makes me angrier and more rage-prone these days? My eyes are open to realizing that I do not deserve the poor treatment. I can attribute the huge "upset" or "shake up" in my life to this... My eyes are open now thanks to weight loss and continous therapy. I personally do not think I am "crazy" actually. I think we are all entitled to a bit of anger or whatever we need to feel.